Pregnant and miserable can I have a little moan

[ElephantGrey101]

I am 16 weeks pregnant and really struggling with a lot of health issues. I have hyperemersis and while the medication does work for me and I have difficulty swallowing them so I keep being sick. I have been vomiting up blood but this is not bad enough to go back into hospital.

I also have a condition that affects my joints that gets much worse in pregnancy. I am already having a lot of pain and difficultly walking. I think that I am likely to start needing a wheelchair. When I had my first baby I wanted to have a caesarean but I was told that it did not affect giving birth and I would have to have a natural birth.

They did write what my needs were in my notes but when I was in the hospital everything was ignored.

I was also abused by my ex husband during my first pregnancy and I have flashbacks about it now.

I don’t know how to go about getting the right sort of help that I need. Somehow I keep being flagged as low risk and someone who has no problems with the pregnancy. I have only had one consultant appointment made at that is when I will be 32 weeks and it is over the phone. I worry that I won’t be able to explain all of my problems and will be left to get on with it again.

I am sorry to sound so miserable. I know that there is a severe shortage of midwives.

Sorry to hear you are suffering. I had horrendous pregnancies and my last one took a massive toll on my body. I am still suffering now after being in a wheelchair for 5 months during pregnancy.

Moan away!!

I used to envy others who had easy uneventful pregnancies while i was in chronic pain.

Please speak to your gp, midwife and get a physio referral. If finances allow, seek an osteopath who is experienced in treating pregnant women.

And fyi - it's your decision only how you give birth. You can choose an elective c section and they have to do it. I choose one with my last birth after vaginal deliveries purely because i wanted it over an induction that could have caused me permanent damage to my pelvis xx

You certainly can have a moan! I’m sorry things are so tough for you. Your needs are not being met by the nhs either. I’d call up the midwife team and push for a referral to consultant ASAP. Do you want a c-section? If you do- tell the midwife and insist you get one.

Call your gp and say you need urgent mental health care due to your situation. Insist on a referral.

You need to be incredibly pushy and assertive with ante/post natal care, so don’t be worried about going after what you (and your baby) need.

I wish you all the best.

Apparently I had been referred to the perinatal mental health team but this was declined. I don’t know why.

I can’t get a GP appointment. I will keep trying.

I am not assertive and I when I do ask for things I tend not to get them. Other people with no medical problems have asked for a caesarean and been given one but I was told no when I did have them.

Moan away OP, I'm 36 weeks tomorrow and I'm struggling; acid reflux, tiredness, aches, pains, the sweats and the waddle are driving me mad. I had awful HG at the beginning of the pregnancy too, right into the second trimester. I'm adamant that this is my last pregnancy, I don't want to put my body through this again. Don't even talk to me about the weight gain. At this point I don't mind waking up several times at night with baby because at least it'll mean the mouthfuls of stomach acid will cease.

Is there anyone who can go to your appointments with you/advocate for you? It's very important that you are comfortable and that you get what you want and need for the birth.

Do you have a supportive partner who can advocate for you?

I shut down during all appointments in my first pregnancy due to a recent history of rape and then termination of a pregnancy due to that, and at first I wasn't allowed to have DP with me due to it being the height of covid, but when a specialist midwife was brought on board she cleared us to have him present for all appointments to do with my pregnancy.

He spoke up when I couldn't and was very clear about what I needed and what would help and what wouldn't, I don't know how I could have got through it without him.

This time around I've been referred to the perinatal mental health team, and as it's not covid DP is allowed as standard to be there for appointments if I wish it.

Please push for the help you need, and if you can't advocate for yourself at this time bring someone who can.

You deserve a healthy and happy pregnancy and birth that is safe for you physically and mentally.

Raspberrychoubuns and Adler I am sorry you have been having such a difficult time too.

Do you think I can ask for a second time to be referred to perinatal mental health.

My partner would be very good at this as he is a health care professional and is good at talking about things like this. He won’t be able to come to all of my appointments with me but could come to some.

How do you ask for a caesarean do you have to make an official request? With my first. I mentioned it lots of times and got told how much better it would be to have a natural birth.

Complain to PALS that you're not getting the mental health support that you need.

The NICE guidelines state that if you want a Caesarian you can have, for whatever reason you want. It is your birth and your choice. It is the doctors' responsibility to inform you of the risks and they can give their opinion, and then you make an informed choice about what is best for you.

May I ask how long ago your first pregnancy was? In recent years a lot of trusts have got better about not fighting back against maternal choice ELCS, due to the guidelines changing.

Tell your midwife you are considering a CS as you think it may be the safest option for you, and that you'd like to arrange an appointment with a doctor to discuss it.

If you get any pushback, quote the NICE guidelines at them. But you may find that your experience is different this pregnancy- at least I hope so anyway.

Re perinatal team- absolutely ask again. Say that your mental health is starting to worsen, and you would like some extra support during your pregnancy so that it doesn't get even worse.

Due to your history you are at higher risk for things like PND and so they should support you now and put you on the extended pathway after your baby is born too. It's a lot easier to address it now than before it gets to that crisis point.

I know this is probably wrong to say but I have hated every second of my pregnancy, HG from 7 weeks signed off work since 8 weeks which is hard because I love my job. Sickness has gone thanks to taking ondansetron but still have waves of nausea if I move around like a normal human. I feel exhausted all of the time no matter how much I sleep. Iron levels have been tested and are fine. I'm pretty much bed ridden and it's awful. My mental health has declined during the pregnancy and and am under the perinatal mental health team however I haven't received much support from them. My first birth was natural without complications however I am seriously considering an elective c section just so I can have the baby a but earlier (went over by a week with my first ) ... I just don't want to be pregnant any longer than needed.

This is the link and I've included the relevant section in a screenshot.

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng192/resources/caesarean-birth-pdf-66142078788805

Thank you. That is really helpful. My little boy is 4 so I do hope it is better now with requesting a caesarean.

You need a better hospital!

I have hyperemesis and it's horrendous. It's the worst thing I have ever been through and, unless someone has been through it, they will never understand how all encompassing it is. It's torture.

My local hospital are awful. I'd probably have died under their care. At 6 weeks my GP sent me to A&E, after eight hours there they gave me one bag of fluid and sent me home with ondansetron (which isn't even recommended at that stage in the pregnancy and they gave me none of the warnings they were supposed to about cleft palates or cardiac problems). Two days later, I had gone to stay with DM because I was so unwell, went to her local A&E and ended up having to have five litres of fluids and a massive bunch of IVs and everything. I booked in for the birth at a different hospital from my local hospital - I've only interacted with them twice since. Once when we thought my waters broke (I actually wet myself, gross, sorry) and my booking hospital said to go to the local one to be seen ASAP. The maternity unit refused to see me and I wasn't triaged in A&E for two hours, and then they said that the pregnancy wasn't "viable" (having done no assessment at all) and that I would be waiting 5-6 hours to see an A&E doctor. We left and went to my booking in hospital. The other time, I was advised to phone them by my midwife because they were closer for an emergency issue and they said to take paracetamol. Absolutely useless. I also don't have a community midwife where I am because I'm on the waiting list (but I'm 36 weeks now so fuck knows how long I should wait). When my booking hospital found that out, they got me a community midwife at a GP surgery near them even though I'm not registered there.

The hospital I'm booked with are amazing. I went to the hospital twice each week for IV fluids and nutrition and antisickness. If I had only been having pills then I'd have been so, so, so much more sick. They even did the sessions on evenings and weekends to fit around work (and DH's work) and they checked all my ketones and everything every time. One of the midwives there had had hyperemesis so she knew exactly what I was going through. They have a direct maternity mental health line that's open 24/7 to call - there's no ability for anyone to say you can't speak to them.

Look for a different and better hospital - they vary so much but we're led to believe everywhere will be the same. I couldn't have coped with this pregnancy if I were at my local one - I'd either have died, aborted or killed myself. I'm so sorry you're not one of the women who get to enjoy pregnancy - it sucks, it truly does. But you're strong and you're capable and you will get through this. You just need healthcare for the medical condition you have - if your local healthcare won't provide it then go elsewhere because you both need and deserve it.