To let DD stay home from school when she says she's I'll

[partypineapple]

DD is just 5 and in reception. DH and I argued today because she's been off school for 2 days but seems mainly fine.

I think she is off colour because she's been hard to wake both days and been miserable about going to school. She's not had any treats or even asked for them and she's mostly just lolled about on the sofa. But, admittedly she has no symptoms, no fever or pain for example.

From my point of view she's just great. She's getting on well at school and goes happily most days. She's reading and writing and school are pleased with her progress. She has lots of friends, eats well and is physically active most days. Her behaviour is really good and she's just a doddle to parent and be with.

So I think if she needs a couple of down days that's just fine.

DH thinks we are setting her up for issues because she will just flake out if she feels tired or doesn't want to do something.

But he and I are such work horses, in part because of parents who pushed us and I'd like DD to have better self care / boundaries etc.

So - who is right? Can more experienced parents give us their wisdom?

Is she ill, or just didn't want go to school?

I wouldn't keep a child off for that tbh. Mine are 10 and 8, they've missed loads of school because of the pandemic, they've also had to miss school for bad colds/ D&V bugs. If there were no real symptoms I'd be sending them in.

Dont get into this pattern OP, she needs to know that you dont just not do something because its boring/hard work (or whatever her views are about school and not wanting to go in)

Sounds like she's a bit tired because it's getting near the end of term rather than being ill.

I wouldn't keep a child off for this, no - and I agree that you are setting a bad precedent. What did she do last weekend, that that wasn't her 2 days of downtime?

Also 'self care/boundaries'? She is 5!!!

At 5 you go to school, you clear up your toys when mummy/daddy says so, you go to bed when mum and dad say so, you put that down when mum and dad say so, eat at the times mum and dad say so

At 5 your over thinking it.

Let her relax.

Btw when my youngest dd has COVID she was also tired,no other symptoms

Eh? Why are you allowing her to stay off? I would never sallow such a thing. Ds's went in every single day unless ill.

Classic case of end of termitis. She has a huge stretch of downtime right around the corner with the summer holiday. Mine would be going in.

I think listen to you own gut she’s only 5.

The way I dealt with illness when my daughter was a bit older. If when I woke her up she said she felt ill, but no obvious temperature, rash, vomiting etc, I would say “well get up anyway and let’s see how you go, if you’re really not right you-can go back to bed”

if she’s not really ill, once she’s woken up she’ll behave normally, or at least forget to act ill some of the time. I can usually jolly her into school.

If she’s really not well then I can usually tell by the time we normally leave. Then I let her go back to bed.

Sometimes young children need to quiet day on the sofa.

She’s not ill, she should go in.

If you let her stay off for this you’re going to have an absolute nightmare for years, every time she doesn’t like a subject, forgets to do her homework, falls out with a friend, etc etc.

If you are recognising that she’s tired you can cut down on extra activities, ensure early nights and encourage a calmer weekend, but she still needs to go to school.

That would only work if you have a child that isnt lazy, isnt inclined to pull a sickie to get off school, who doesnt get fed up easily, doesnt give up easily and if you do have a child like that you can create a pattern which means as your child has more time off, it becomes harder to engage because their social or educational skills arent developing at the same pace as their peers leaving them more inclined to shy away from engagement

That may not be the case for a child that does it once in a blue moon but you cant know that right at the start.

It's nearly end of term she must be tired from that but they all are. She needs to go in if she's not actually ill.

Imagine if adults didn't go to work when they were tired or didn't feel like it ?

Cut out any other activities out of school rather than school

School would have it down as unauthorised absence

@bellac11

you are right.

I remember my mother trying to get my brothers up for school, it was murder. Whereas I worked hard at school and was no problem. She would let me have a few days off at the end of summer term and had no trouble believing me when I said we were just watching tennis. (Which was true).

But she didn’t give that leeway to my brothers.

Its easy to forget when you’ve got a child who is easy in that way, that they are not all the same.