Or is it me?

[Frugal1]

So my MIL came round a few days ago for my daughters birthday, I had to stay in the kitchen because she makes me feel on edge, I feel like she waits for every opportunity to put somebody down or make a fool of them, within 10 minutes of being here she asked when I was getting my daughter changed, she was also laughing at my mum and my mum said she had to bite her tongue. My DH thinks I am unreasonable, is it honestly me?

You need to challenge her instead of hiding away, that's how she is able to behave nastily. You should have asked why does your dd needs a change? When she laughed your mum, you should have asked her to explain what was so funny.

None of us know whether it's actually you because there's not much to go on.

Why was she asking if you were getting your daughter changed?

Why was she laughing at your mom? Was she being horrible?

I think maybe a bit more context is required as from what you have posted on its own there's no issue there if all she is asking is when she is being changed?

I am a bit more on edge with my MIL also since having baby and I do think dynamics change

No, your Mil is just bloody rude! Either she doesn't like you, she makes herself feel better by undermining others or she deeply resents you stealing her little boy.
You'd know best which one it is

My mum made a comment about my dads work partner and she said hang on aren’t you his partner and was laughing at her and was elbowing DIL giggling to make her feel small.

she was asking me to get her changed because great gran was on the way and I really didn’t see why it mattered.

This may seem petty but I feel like I can’t get much right, it’s got to a point where I am scared of voicing my opinion because she either doesn’t agree or has ‘better’ 🙄 ideas.

She sounds like an arsehole with no social graces, but I wouldn't be getting upset about it.

Why bite your tongue? Bloody use it!!
My mil once commented on the mess in our house. Dc 6 had just arrived... Told her she knew where the door was and she was never forced to visit....
She also told me I needed to work harder to shift the baby weight when ds was a fortnight old and my size 8 jeans were a bit snug..
I started pulling her up i her nasty remarks and she cooled off.

Honestly I couldn’t get worked up about these comments. First is just a sense of humour difference and second is an irrelevance. I’d say it’s both you’re sensitive and intolerant and dislike her and she’s a gob on her.

Well yeah, if you treated this nonsense without sticking g up for yourself of course she willcontinue.

"What do you mean by that?"
"It's a joke, lighten up"
"Whats funny about insinuating XYZ?"

Etc. The only way to deal with people like this is to be blunt. Personally I gave my DH the option of getting his mum in line or I would and of I had to then it wouldn't end up with either a happy wife OR a happy mum.

I don't see why nobody shut her down about her bad attempt at a joke and I still don't understand what the issue was with the change of clothes but why didn't you just say "no im not getting her changed for no reason"

The pattern you have established with her now is avoidance & silence. That screams easy target to someone like her. Also, silence is acceptance. I find a "well we will agree to disagree" or a simple "no", then change the subject v effective. Don't explain or justify or negotiate, that just fuels them. They love a reaction. A dismissive bland comment then move on is best. This is said with years of experience of an emotionally abusive relative. A tinkly laugh & "you're so funny" then move on also works well. It was beyond empowering to watch the confusion then the silence the first time I did the laugh one.

I don’t lose sleep on it or anything it just bugs me why people aren’t aware of others feelings and find it ok to make people feel bad. Those are just a few recent examples but there have been so many things in the past, I think it’s just the way they are, still annoying…my DH is arrogant so can’t see where I am coming from.

Start practicing some mil jokes.
The bad ones.