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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad body odour

14 replies

SailingNotSurfing · 06/07/2022 11:25

How do you tell someone they smell bad without destroying their self-esteem?

We currently have an overseas guest and she and her child will be with us for up to 6 months, maybe more. I've filled her bathroom with shower gel, soap, shampoo and anti-perspirant. I regularly ask her if she wants to use the washing machine.

Nothing works. I've even told her 'wow, you're a bit sweaty' and she replied 'of course I am, I've just been for a run!' She does use the shower daily, but the body odour doesn't go away entirely. It's not a hyperhidrosis either.

Help! I don't want to fill my house with artificial scents or have wax burners on the go all day, but I am at my wit's end.

WWYD? Put up with it, it's only a short term issue?

OP posts:
NippyWoowoo · 06/07/2022 11:27

'Over seas guest' woman and child who can stay for 6 months minimum, lol do you mean a Ukrainian refugee? Why so coy?

NippyWoowoo · 06/07/2022 11:31

But to focus on your question. If she's showing daily then I can't see why she would smell. How do you know she hasn't got an underlying condition? Is she washing her clothes regularly or wearing multiple times? That might be the key. She may feel that she has to be careful with how much she uses the washing machine.

I've seen some really really horrible posts about Ukrainian refuges complaining that they are using electricity and it's costing (of course it is!) so she may be aware of that.

You can think of a tactful conversation to have around laundry perhaps. Does her child smell?

Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2022 11:32

When it comes to something affecting your home and your comfort whilst in your home, you need to be clear and assertive. You need to tell her that she smells and that it isn't going to work for you. It is perfectly fine to have rules and boundaries for guests staying in your home. One of those rules should be that they can't stink.

Original poster
SailingNotSurfing · 06/07/2022 11:38

NippyWoowoo · 06/07/2022 11:27

'Over seas guest' woman and child who can stay for 6 months minimum, lol do you mean a Ukrainian refugee? Why so coy?

Because this thread is about personal hygiene and not virtue signalling about what a fantastic person I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
SailingNotSurfing · 06/07/2022 11:43

NippyWoowoo · 06/07/2022 11:31

But to focus on your question. If she's showing daily then I can't see why she would smell. How do you know she hasn't got an underlying condition? Is she washing her clothes regularly or wearing multiple times? That might be the key. She may feel that she has to be careful with how much she uses the washing machine.

I've seen some really really horrible posts about Ukrainian refuges complaining that they are using electricity and it's costing (of course it is!) so she may be aware of that.

You can think of a tactful conversation to have around laundry perhaps. Does her child smell?

Maybe she has got an underlying condition. Her child is always immaculate. She uses the washing machine most days. I don't have a problem with her using the water and electricity (not a stealth boast, we're not incredibly rich but one other adult and one child doesn't add massively to the utility bills) and she knows that.

I was hoping for some ideas of a tactful way of telling her, but I guess there isn't. She will be starting work in the next few weeks, so no doubt it will be addressed then.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2022 11:46

I was hoping for some ideas of a tactful way of telling her, but I guess there isn't. She will be starting work in the next few weeks, so no doubt it will be addressed then.

Please don't just sweep this under the carpet until she goes to her new job. Her life is hard enough without being the smelly person at work. You'd be doing her a kindness to talk about this with her right now.

Dancinginthedark01 · 06/07/2022 11:48

Maybe she doesn’t use deodorant.

Original poster
SailingNotSurfing · 06/07/2022 11:51

@Aquamarine1029 thank you, I know I have to tell her, she will be mortified if I leave it. DH says it really doesn't matter. I think I'd still struggle to tell her if she was my sister though. I don't want to be the bad guy.

OP posts:
ChinBristles · 06/07/2022 11:53

Does she eat or drink strongly flavoured stuff?

In the days when I used to drink red wine and eat spicy food, you could smell it coming out my pores the day after.

Original poster
SailingNotSurfing · 06/07/2022 12:04

She eats the same as we do, we take it in turns to cook. Nothing incredibly spicy, although lots of smoked sausage and smoked cheese. No red wine.

I'm just going to bite the bullet this afternoon (after PMQ) and tell her. The job she is going to be doing requires a high standard of personal hygiene and that's the approach I'm going to take. Shower and deodorant both before and after work. Clean clothes every day.

I feel like such a bitch.

OP posts:
ChinBristles · 06/07/2022 12:05

Antiperspirant. Not deoderant.

Inthesameboatatmo · 06/07/2022 14:08

Have you posted about this last month

lenorofavenor · 06/07/2022 14:13

She does use the shower daily, but the body odour doesn't go away entirely.

Them she's not washing properly or using the soap at all.

There's nothing wrong with 'artificial' scents btw, they're no more artificial than soap. But that won't solve the problem.

Really tricky. For a week, I'd tolerate but six months? Blimey... I would've suggested the 'your a bit sweaty' but you've done it!

lenorofavenor · 06/07/2022 14:14

If she's showing daily then I can't see why she would smell. How do you know she hasn't got an underlying condition?

I feel like someone with a condition would be forthcoming and overly cautious, if anything. More likely she's just not aware, we've all been there at least once.

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