Mother Issues

[CantBelieveImHere]

Well where to begin.
My dad died at the start of lockdown 2020 and throughout all the lockdowns and everything else I have worked myself into the ground doing all my mothers shopping and anything else she needed doing, just so she could bubble with my gran as at this point they were both alone.
I don't resent doing this at all as she's my mother BUT I am one of three. Eldest lives up country so couldn't really help except regular phone calls, middle child is useless and does nothing for others unless he has something to gain so it was all left to me.
Anyway fast-forward to now ,Mother now has a boyfriend (which I'm really fine with her having one) but he is a really massive Red Flag walking and I don't like the way he treats her. I know she's an adult so I did tell her this. So she turned this all around on me saying I should of said something when dad was treating her bad (I was a child at this point) and then went on to blame me as a child for a lot of things that went wrong in her marriage etc.
So I have taken a massive step back as much as it pains me from her and now she is sending me nasty messages about how I should respect her as she's MY mother. She has surrounded herself with people who tell her what she wants to hear and doesn't like that I've challenged her on somethings.
Am I in the wrong just to go low or non - contact for a period as I have tried to talk to her and she just wont listen and manipulates the situation to seem the victim.
Thanks for reading

You poor thing. She’s being bang out of order and you’re doing the right thing by taking a massive step back. How fucking dare she blame you for keeping you in an abusive home as a child. That’s outrageous.

Protect yourself and leave her to it. Block her on your phone to stop the nasty abusive messages.

Definitely go LC. It's difficult but you've got to withdraw and let her make her own mistakes. I've had to do that with one of my adult DDs. Think of her as being in an abusive relationship and being in the denial stage. There's nothing anyone can do until things get worse. If they do then go back to helping her end it.

Thank you both as it makes me feel justified for going no contact with her

If he is a red flag walking some of this may be from him as a way to isolate your mother.

However she shold not get a free pass on her choice to be abusive.

I would pull back as far as you are comfortable. And perhaps managing contact via one of your other siblings with the sibling saying CantBelieveImHere was asking how you are route etc.