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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disrespectful?

18 replies

lucie333 · 06/07/2022 07:49

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years we have 2 kids, 1 who's only 3 months old, anyways so i had a bad feeling about a girl he had searched on Facebook ( I wasn't on his phone that time he was showing me something and it popped up) we got into a bad fight last night and I went on his phone, I know I shouldn't have. But I went through is Facebook and saw that he had been going on her page serval times going through all her pictures ( revealing ones) I told him how i felt but he said he had no intentions? I'm I wrong to think this is obviously bullshit? He also added her on Another social media app when we had a fall out when I was 3 months pregnant! She messaged him and he said he deleted her after that. He was going through her profile less than 4 weeks ago so this would have been after we had our son I think that's incredibly disrespectful? I've told him to leave! I can put up and forgive a lot of things but Not this. Am I being dramatic? He's done something like this before with a few of his ex partners but I just thought he was looking at their profiles out of curiosity.

OP posts:
SmileyPiuPiu · 06/07/2022 08:08

You can leave anyone for any reason. If you want to leave him then leave.

waveyourpompoms · 06/07/2022 08:10

Of course you’re being dramatic. He’s just looked up someone on social media.

You are bang out of order invading his privacy like that. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but you have.

It’s okay for him to find other people attractive. It’s not okay for you to invade his privacy.

Blueberryface · 06/07/2022 08:11

:( sorry to hear. Every relationship is different and people put up with different things for various reasons. However, you feel disrespected, ita pretty grim he was doing this around the birth of your baby. Its a time when you need to feel more supported, never mind him messaging someone else.
Would you be happier without him ? If so, tell him to beat it. Be confident and tell you don't need this . X

PurpleDaisies · 06/07/2022 08:12

You don’t trust him. There’s no point being together.

SpinningForTheWorld · 06/07/2022 08:12

Yes it’s disrespectful and horrible.

Behaviour like that destabilises you (you, the person on the other end of it), and you start second guessing yourself. It’s a crap way to live, and I’m sorry.

LoudingVoice · 06/07/2022 08:14

How did it show he’d been on her page and viewed her photos? I can’t picture how you can tell that from looking at his FB profile?

Blueberryface · 06/07/2022 08:14

Your reply was dramatic...

Original poster
lucie333 · 06/07/2022 08:14

@waveyourpompoms I totally understand your point and I know what I've done is wrong, I've never went through his phone before not that it makes it any better, He can absolutely find other people attractive Is human nature.

OP posts:
Blueberryface · 06/07/2022 08:15

Blueberryface · 06/07/2022 08:14

Your reply was dramatic...

@waveyourpompoms

SpinningForTheWorld · 06/07/2022 08:16

P.s. maybe think about starting a thread in Relationships OP, as AIBU can attract all sorts of attention-seekers and people just wanting to argue or be unpleasant for the sake of it. For a lot of posters it’s the only board on MN they look at, and it’s their little hobby.

waveyourpompoms · 06/07/2022 08:16

lucie333 · 06/07/2022 08:14

@waveyourpompoms I totally understand your point and I know what I've done is wrong, I've never went through his phone before not that it makes it any better, He can absolutely find other people attractive Is human nature.

So what’s the issue then?

SmileyPiuPiu · 06/07/2022 08:20

waveyourpompoms · 06/07/2022 08:16

So what’s the issue then?

Show quote history

This isn't just looking at a picture though, it's choosing one perso n to fixate on.

Original poster
lucie333 · 06/07/2022 08:24

@waveyourpompoms the fact that her went out his way to search her on face book serval times then he's went out his way to add her on another social media app, all while I'm at home probably with him looking after his kids

OP posts:
Original poster
lucie333 · 06/07/2022 08:25

@SpinningForTheWorld thank you I will do that in future!😊

OP posts:
Original poster
lucie333 · 06/07/2022 08:28

@LoudingVoice there's a section called "posts viewed by me " it shows u all the posts you have seen so when I looked I could see he was viewing her photos that were 2+ years Ago so he must have been scrolling right down

OP posts:
SmileyPiuPiu · 06/07/2022 08:30

lucie333 · 06/07/2022 08:24

@waveyourpompoms the fact that her went out his way to search her on face book serval times then he's went out his way to add her on another social media app, all while I'm at home probably with him looking after his kids

This is what would bother me. Hes not just looking at random attractive women. He's got a crush.

Original poster
lucie333 · 06/07/2022 14:26

@SmileyPiuPiu thank you that's exactly the way I see it

OP posts:
5128gap · 06/07/2022 14:32

Not at all dramatic. I wouldn't be in a relationship with him either. You decisively and assertively told him to leave because that's what you wanted, so good for you.
It only becomes dramatic when people start messaging the OW, having repeated screaming rows with the partner, calling the OW names, warning her off, taking him back and throwing him out multiple times etc.
You sound like you have great boundaries and dignity.

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