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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Damaged/dirty baby items

16 replies

Pbaby0401 · 05/07/2022 19:54

Hello!
really hoping to get some opinions on this one!
We have 2dd and my brother and my sil were due their second dc around 6 months after ours.

due to quite a big age gap between their two, they had actually thrown away a lot of baby items and so I quite happily borrowed them some of ours (Moses basket/bouncer/playmat/tens machine etc) mainly things that you don’t actually use for that long!

now, they have always known that our intention was to have 3 children and that the items were borrowed whilst they needed them. However, we are now due dc3 and they have given us SOME of the items back (the others they say they are going to have to look for?) but the items they have given back are now quite badly damaged (wicker Moses basket with sharp broken parts) and/or stained. I truly thought that they would look after any bits and pieces but now I’m a mixture of upset and angry. It just seems really disrespectful. dh argues that we should ask them to replace as we will have to if they don’t and I am inclined to agree

AIBU?

OP posts:
Cocowatermelon · 05/07/2022 20:06

Have a family baby shower and make a list of all the things you need to replace like the moses basket? Remove the broken strands from the basket and give it to your older children as a dolls’ cot.
Put stained fabric items through a super thorough machine wash and see if that helps. Dry in the sunshine - that always helps stains.
Remind them you need the other items they haven’t found yet so they make the effort to look in attic or wherever they’ve been stashed.
Hope they return the favour and lend you nice stuff they are not currently using.

User79853257976 · 05/07/2022 20:30

It depends what was agreed I think. I am only giving away things we are finished with. Lending out baby bits, especially clothes, doesn’t seem to end well.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/07/2022 20:34

You can't expect to give stuff away and expect them back in the same condition,they've been used!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/07/2022 20:49

If they have been used by up to 4 or 5 children, of course they will be stained and broken! Stop being ridiculous.

FabFitFifties · 05/07/2022 20:57

You couldn't expect to get them back "as new" I'm afraid. Just learn for the future.

Imissprosecco · 05/07/2022 21:07

Stains with can't be prevented. If you've discovered the way to stop nappy explosions you'll make a fortune

Mally100 · 05/07/2022 21:10

I honestly would never lend items that I expect back in the same condition. Yabu, it's wear and tear and if you wanted it back to use again you should have never lent it.

Original poster
Pbaby0401 · 05/07/2022 21:27

I definitely didn’t expect to get them back in the absolute same condition as they would have been used by another baby! But the bouncer has chocolate smeared on it (not poonami/sick stains that you could argue could be expected!) and the Moses basket is literally unusable, not just general wear and tear.

maybe it’s just me personally, if I borrow something then I just take care of it?!

OP posts:
Mally100 · 05/07/2022 21:33

Pbaby0401 · 05/07/2022 21:27

I definitely didn’t expect to get them back in the absolute same condition as they would have been used by another baby! But the bouncer has chocolate smeared on it (not poonami/sick stains that you could argue could be expected!) and the Moses basket is literally unusable, not just general wear and tear.

maybe it’s just me personally, if I borrow something then I just take care of it?!

I wouldn't actually and have never borrowed anything. The stress of keeping it in the same condition isn't worth it to me. I don't lend as well, because of the upset it might cause unless it's something I'm prepared to lose. Unless they were literally throwing the basket again the walls how did it become so bashed? Do they have Older kids, could they have messed it up.

bcc89 · 06/07/2022 06:29

If I borrow something, I also take care of it, I agree.
However, babies don't have manners. Don't lend anything for a baby that you wouldn't mind getting back in a very different condition.

DockOTheBay · 06/07/2022 06:39

I think it was a bit silly to lend them the items if you wanted to use them again yourself, but what's done is done. Did they know you would want them back in the future?

Things like the play mat and bouncer can be washed can't they? The Moses basket is unfortunate but they're very easy to find second hand so I would just leave it and buy a replacement.

However, if these other items they need to look for never materialised, I would ask them to pay to replace those ones.

Heyisforhorses · 06/07/2022 06:43

I was given a great condition well used family cot by SIL from her DH family (i should have been given a different one but she was too lazy). The stress of looking after it and constant shouty reminders to my DD to get off it just wasn't worth it. Gave it back as I got it but not worth it.

Anything I gave to someone I was done with, if I needed it again, I kept it. People generally won't mind stuff as you would want even if they are trying to be careful. You can ask for replacement but you are chancing ruining relationships for the sake of money.

It shouldn't come back as it did, it is disrespectful but lending is always going to be 50/50.

MrsPear · 06/07/2022 06:56

Actually you can expect items to be returned not broken. In fact I’d be worried about how their children are raised. I bought a crib and it went back and forth between me and sil with no damage same for the sheets and pram system. Neither of us drive and out every day types and yet pram was fine.

gamerchick · 06/07/2022 07:01

Learn the lesson. Don't lend stuff out to them in future.

Hankunamatata · 06/07/2022 19:46

I have 3. Most of baby stuff was done by the time 3 babies had used it so not overly surprising wicker moses basket has had its day.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 06/07/2022 19:56

Pbaby0401 · 05/07/2022 21:27

I definitely didn’t expect to get them back in the absolute same condition as they would have been used by another baby! But the bouncer has chocolate smeared on it (not poonami/sick stains that you could argue could be expected!) and the Moses basket is literally unusable, not just general wear and tear.

maybe it’s just me personally, if I borrow something then I just take care of it?!

But if all this stuff has been used by multiple babies/toddlers, you can't necessarily expect for it to come back in a decent condition.

If you want your stuff to remain in decent condition for future children, don't lend it out in the first place.

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