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AIBU?

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Original poster

Screaming baby

44 replies

magpiesam · 05/07/2022 17:10

I'm at my wits end. 11 week old dd screams throughout the day and when I say scream I mean hysterically. It can come from nowhere and for no apparent reason. It's ear splitting and nothing I do seems to stop it. She sleeps well, is feeding well and sometimes seems really happy and content. But then she'll scream out of nowhere and it's so distressing. I don't believe in controlled crying especially at this age but sometimes I have no option but to put her down in her crib and leave her for a few minutes because it drives me absolutely mad. It's almost like a temper tantrum (although obviously I know she's too young for this) in that it's frantic and seems to peak then calm down after what feels like several hours.

I really don't think she's in pain with anything but something must be causing this. My other children never did anything like this. Is it normal? Any advice would be good as I feel so stressed and panicked when this happens that it's making me not want to go out.

OP posts:
howdoesatoastermaketoast · 05/07/2022 17:14

at this age you definitely don't need to think in a controlled crying direction, but a problem solving one (trust me I know how hard this can be when your own beloved demon is screaming the walls down.)

It's good you aren't a first time mum so you know this isn't just something you're doing 'wrong'

Original poster
magpiesam · 05/07/2022 17:18

@howdoesatoastermaketoast I still feel like that though! I just look at her and see a deeply distressed and unhappy baby and even though I'm raising her the same as my other dc (who have turned out fine!) I still can't help wonder what the hell has gone wrong.

I cuddle her and it seems to make her angrier. I pace. I used to take her out in the car or buggy which seemed to settle her or at least send her to sleep but even that isn't working now.

OP posts:
VictrolaV · 05/07/2022 17:36

Could it be something like infant dyschezia by any chance? My baby is very placid and chilled out but when he had trapped wind he would scream blue murder at about the same age, we had to get quite creative with bicycling his legs, massaging his tummy, putting him in a soft supported squat etc... and as soon as he passed wind he'd stop. Helped to be really rigorous with burping too to make sure no extra wind was going down. If it's any consolation as he's got to four months it seems to be disappearing completely, but a pretty stressful phase because he would look so so upset. Supposedly the screaming helps them expand their diaphragm and pass wind rather than it being pain. I might be wide of the mark but just in case your LO could be experiencing something similar.

waveyourpompoms · 05/07/2022 17:40

You absolutely cannot do controlled crying/cry it out with a newborn. That’s tantamount to abuse and neglect.

You don’t have to stop the crying, but baby should know you are there comforting them.

gunnersgold · 05/07/2022 17:43

Has she got reflux ? My son screamed/ cried a lot . I think some babies do but I'd check they aren't in pain !

GoodThinkingMax · 05/07/2022 17:47

It really sounds like colic. Can you try swaddling her quite tightly and hold her with her back against your body and your arm across her tummy?

Original poster
magpiesam · 05/07/2022 17:48

@waveyourpompoms please read my post, I said I don't believe in cc and I obviously know you can't do it safely at such a young age anyway. But sometimes I have to put her down for my own sanity. Health visitors advise that you do exactly this if it's getting too much. Nothing I do seems to comfort her anyway.

OP posts:
Bonheurdupasse · 05/07/2022 17:49

Earplugs. They won't block the sound but they'll reduce it a bit.

Original poster
magpiesam · 05/07/2022 17:50

I have experience of colic and reflux, I could be wrong but this just feels different. She's on a certain milk that doesn't froth or become bubbly so I don't think wind is as much of an issue. I guess it could still be colic. I just never knew it could be this bad.

OP posts:
Onlyhuman123 · 05/07/2022 17:55

My DS was same...it was awful. Diagnosed with colic. Took him to see a chiropractor that specialised in baby cranial manipulation. It was amazing, worked a treat.

SummerHouse · 05/07/2022 18:01

It could be both colic and reflux. My DS was like this and it's so distressing that attempting comforting them makes no difference unless it's actually seeming to make them worse. I would go to the GP. I suspect they will suggest gaviscon which is worth a try if you haven't already.

Absolutely, absolutely walk away when you need to. This is not cc as you say. A very different thing. I think it's hard to understand if you haven't had such a baby.

soberfabulous · 05/07/2022 18:04

Bonheurdupasse · 05/07/2022 17:49

Earplugs. They won't block the sound but they'll reduce it a bit.

I wore these when my DD was tiny too. She was also a screamer: her personal best was one hour 37 minutes non stop.

No discernible reason.

No one believed me until my parents came to stay and they saw it for themselves. I remember my mum doing laps around the garden whilst DD screamed non stop and I showered.

She's a delightful 9 year old now 😂 I couldn't ever go back to the newborn days and it definitely impacted on my decision to only have one child.

OP it's awful, it's not you and you have my hugest sympathy.

soberfabulous · 05/07/2022 18:05

To add: we also had numerous cranial osteopathy sessions (she screamed the whole way through) tried gaviscon etc etc.

There was absolutely no reason for the screaming.

onmywayamarillo · 05/07/2022 18:06

My youngest was like that! Ear piercing screams that actually made me deaf in one ear for about a year! I also just had to leave him to it as anything I did made it worse . He'd calm down after 3 minutes. He's 9 now and loves a bit a calm relaxing quiet time. I think he was just being over stimulated by the other kids and it was all too much ! My eldest children are very different but all turned out well adjusted.

TabithaTittlemouse · 05/07/2022 18:07

Have you taken her to the GP or spoken to your HV?

Darkstar4855 · 05/07/2022 18:12

Dyschezia?

Original poster
magpiesam · 05/07/2022 18:40

I have spoken to HV and she's been seen by GP too. She was diagnosed with CMPA and prescribed special milk at 8 weeks old which did seem to calm things down for a while. But this screaming is more constant and distressed than anything she displayed earlier. The milk is also flat like water which is why I think it's unlikely be related to wind. But it could be. Ahhh I just feel out of my depths as never experienced this with my other dc.

OP posts:
Gmamaofboys13 · 05/07/2022 19:03

Try infancol, gripe water, swaddling, warm bath or download a white noise app on your phone for babies, and play it louder than her crying

Darbs76 · 05/07/2022 19:08

DC2 was like this. Sorry to say it went on for a while, though the screaming for ages at a time didn’t last too long. God I paced the floorboards out. He didn’t get diagnosed with CMPA until nearly 2 though, so that’s clearly what was wrong. He outgrew his issues around 11yrs old. He’s 18 next month. Happy to say after he was 2 he’s genuinely never caused me another days problems since, it’s like I got all the teenage years, grumpy stages etc all skipped as it was to tough that first year!

elenacampana · 05/07/2022 19:10

waveyourpompoms · 05/07/2022 17:40

You absolutely cannot do controlled crying/cry it out with a newborn. That’s tantamount to abuse and neglect.

You don’t have to stop the crying, but baby should know you are there comforting them.

She’s already said this. You didn’t need to say it again.

GiltEdges · 05/07/2022 19:19

My DS was like this. Honestly, I couldn't see it at the time but I firmly believe now it's just the way some babies are. It's also probably the reason why some people (like me) who have a screamy baby stop at one and others (like you) are lulled into a false sense of security with your (comparatively!) easy earlier babies 🙈

Sorry OP! I know exactly how you feel though, and it does get better. Or it did with mine at least, although it took a while...

RegardingMary · 05/07/2022 19:39

@waveyourpompoms

Your post is at best uninformed and at worst dangerous. OP isn't talking about cry it out. She's talking about putting baby safely down and a cot so she can take a minute to breathe. That advice has saved an infinite amount of newborns lives, probably including my own at one point.

When my first was born he never stopped crying, I remember being so exhaunted I could barely stand, rocking this screaming baby and desperately desperately wanting him to just shut up so I could think. Knowing it was okay to put him down and leave him even just so I could breathe meant I didn't do something disastrous.

OP hang in there, try airpods/ear plugs, I'd be tempted to try a bit of calpol and if it makes a difference, maybe it is pain. You could see a cardinal osteopath as well.

Dontgetmestarted65 · 05/07/2022 19:42

I wrote a whole thing then pressed back for some god unknown reason. DS was like this. Baths were king for stopping screaming and I used to have to cycle his legs and massage his belly throughout the day, literally any time I could. I think things just didn't move easily. His poo was fine but I definitely think it was getting trapped or something.

Jojobees · 05/07/2022 19:50

OP you are doing an amazing job and putting you lo down somewhere safe and catching your breath is to be applauded not condemned.
I have only experienced this with my own child twice in his life where he was hysterical, purple from screaming and nothing I did helped. Both times he had hideous trapped wind.

I wonder if changing bottle might help with the wind?

Jmaxx44 · 05/07/2022 20:05

Both my DC were CMPA and with my second she continued to scream throughout the day even after she was put on her new milk. I thought maybe colic but the HV said no as apparently colic is where they scream for 3 hours+ at the exact same time every day (usually evening). The HV suspected silent reflux which I didn’t think it was, as first DC had reflux/silent reflux and his symptoms were quite different. Anyway, we were prescribed milk thickener and omeprazole to see how that went and oh my goodness she is so much better. Could be worth a try? Feel for you OP, things will get better just hang in there.