How to deal with being wrongly accused?

[Phyllisdoriss]

It has got back to me via other friends that a friend has accused me of selling her hand me down clothes on eBay.

None of items listed (past or present) were given to me by this friend. All were bought by new myself or given to my child for birthday gifts and inevitably outgrown (several years ago!) and no one to pass on to. All barely worn as quickly outgrown and some designer labels offered for a bargain, surely I’m within my rights to sell these on?

I have not tried to sell any hand me downs. I wouldn’t.

I am devastated at being accused and the subsequent unjustified gossiping, judgement behind my back. Upset that friend has chosen to make an issue of nothing. Stressed about how to deal with this and anxious there may be more to it.

Aibu to feel extremely hurt?

I wouldn't care, its your property to do with what you want 🤷🏼‍♀️ i'd just reapond thats a bit weird that she is stalking you on ebay, how does she even know what you are selling?

So petty of her to be saying stuff like that about you to people you know. I'd pull her up on it but also even if you were selling those clothes so what?

Do you still have the items she gave you? You could just return them but tbh once given they are yours to do what you please with

As accusations go, it’s not really up there with murder, is it? I don’t think I’d be devastated to be accused of flogging a few handed down items on eBay really. What sort of friendship group do you have where someone selling a few bits on eBay is enough to start a buzzing hive of gossip?!

Who are these spiteful people? And why is it anyone’s concern what you sell online?!

If I gave you something and you chose to sell it, so be it. It’s yours to do with it whatever you like.

Having said that, you have not sold anything belonging to anyone else so it’s a moot point.

Whoever this friend is I think you need to confront her. Say hey, I heard that you were concerned I had I sold some clothes you had given me and I want to assure you that I haven’t. I have been seeking some of mine and X’s clothes here (link) and I’m so sorry that you thought I would sell your things.

I am very happy to return them to you? Let me know x

Or some such bollocks, just whatever it is that will make your life easier.

Then ditch the fucker. Life is too short for this kind of drama.

This
She's being weird, you don't have to justify yourself

How do you even remember what was hand me downs, you brought and brought for you?

And why doesn't anyone care what you do with your stuff?

I agree that you should just hand her back what she gave you with a "I've finished with these. I've made some good dish selling old items on eBay and thought you'd like these back do to the same"

Send back the stuff she gave you./ Take pics and post on social media. Fight fire with fire :)

Sounds super weird to me to be honest - my experience with this is baby clothes and I guess adult clothes are a little different but to me anything given to me was then mine iyswim, nobodies business what I do or don't do with them from then on. If you took hand me downs saying 'yes I can use them' and sold on ebay the next day I guess I could see why someone might not want to give you hand me downs again but that clearly isn't what happened.

I can't really give too much advice about the best way to handle the friendship group but I wouldn't accept anything from that person again if I were you. I suppose it would be a good idea to tell the friend that mentioned it what you've said here, but I assume you already have. If the friend who has been accusing you brings it up or has a dig you could offer to repay her all the money you've made selling clothes that used to be hers if it'd make her feel better, then say it's zero - zero pounds zero pence that's exactly how much money you've made listing clothes that ever belonged to her and offer to let her look through your listing history.

Good luck.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s no big deal but I feel like I’ve got no one to talk to.

Kindness and support is very much appreciated right now.

How strange.

If I've ever been gifted items or given them away they then belong to that owner to do whatever they wish. I honestly couldn't remember where I acquired some things. When I'm done with them I either sell, gift on to someone else, or donate to charity.

Were the items a loan? I'd hand her all her stuff back, pointing out that you are selling your own items, not the ones from her.

I'd then reduce contact due to her being much too hard work to bother to be friends with.

It has got back to me via other friends
It sounds like you may have been Wendied. Your 'friend' made an accusation and hasn't had the decency to say anything to your face. Instead she's been scapegoating you behind your back.
I'd return the items to her, make a statement online that I haven't sold anything gifted to me and have returned the gifted items due to unpleasantness, and then tell people face to face to stop running messages if they bring it up again. Say 'If X has anything to say to me, she can do it herself'.
She's a nasty piece of work and so is everyone who is taking sides.

Thoughts and prayers 🙏

Contact the friend who has said it and say 'Other Friend Names say you think I've sold clothes on ebay that you gave to me. I'm sure I haven't, but if you want to let me know the exact items you're referring to, I can let you know where they are, and give them back if you'd prefer. I'm upset that you didn't feel you could come to me about it in the first place. Is there a reason you went to Other Friends Names with this?'
Addresses the issue and also makes it clear that if she talks about you to these other people it gets back.

A - did she give you clothes?
B - did you sell them on?

If she did give you clothes that you haven't sold on, then surely just give them back?

What are you expected to do with clothes that were given to you but are not longer needed?

Talk to her, the worst that can happen is she disagrees in ch
M which case I'd walk away.

Friend - I've heard you think I've sold some hand me downs you gave me on eBay, I just wanted to clear that up as I've only sold my own purchases, but if she sees something she believes was her originally then maybe discuss then further.
I wouldn't like that either, but others are right, it's easy to resell bundles of clothes that others may have donated, but unless they asked for it back then it's their fault to be honest

What an horrible thing to have to deal with OP. I completely understand. I personally would gather up every item she's given you and hand them back. Thanking her and say you'd appreciate it if she would stop telling people you had sold them on.

Once something has been handed on it doesn't matter what's done with it though. It's hard to keep track of everything. And tbh even if you had sold it on its none of her business and you'd only have made like £1-2 after postage these days.

Give her what she gave you back. Tell her to stick them. Job done.

That's horrible and cruel.

Even if you had have sold the hand me downs that you'd received from her, what business is it of hers to question the selling of the items some years later? She gave them to you. As far as I'm concerned, her 'ownership' of them and what happened to them afterwards is now no longer any of her business.

And if you had have sold the clothes (because, I dunno, you need the money to live?) how awful that she tell other people that she's seen you selling the clothes as I would view this as she's ridiculing the fact that you need to sell clothes to get a bit of money to live.

I'd just give her back every single item of clothing she'd ever handed-down and drop her and send out a message to all your other friends (that have brought this to your attention) that you haven't sold the clothes. How awful for you.

Did she expect you to give them back?

No she didn’t expect them back. Her children are much too old to make any use of them.
The clothes I have listed are the most beautiful impractical 0-3month designer baby dresses, barely got a wear. Most of the hand me downs I received from her were old play clothes, some already handed down to her, I was very grateful as we did a lot of messy play, nothing as small as 0-3 months (child now almost 4!) I don’t know what has made her think the clothes were once hers!