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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How long to leave invite open for ?

20 replies

threeblowdries · 05/07/2022 07:41

I messaged DS friends mum yesterday afternoon 3pm ish and invited her DS over today for a playdate today. No time specified. Just wanted to see if they were available & was open to arranging a time that suits.
I have had no reply. She has form for being flaky / last minute regarding arrangements.

At what point can I consider her lack of response a NO & head out for the day.
I'm pretty sure she has seen the message but has forgotten or chosen not to reply yet.

OP posts:

TeenDivided · 05/07/2022 07:43

9:30am.

Next time add 'let me know this evening if you want to come' and you won't have this problem.

dudsville · 05/07/2022 07:46

Now. Get on and own your day.

girlmom21 · 05/07/2022 07:46

Yeah I agree - 9.30 at the latest

dudsville · 05/07/2022 07:46

Oops, funnily relevant typo, PLAN your day!

isthatwhatyoureallywanted · 05/07/2022 07:47

If she has form for being last minute, then I think you should message her before you leave so that she knows not to come over.

RampantIvy · 05/07/2022 07:47

Don't change any plans you have made, and go out when you are ready.

HollowTalk · 05/07/2022 07:48

I would go out for the day and hope that she turned up expecting you to be there!

Original poster

threeblowdries · 05/07/2022 07:50

Tks @TeenDivided i'll definitely remember that for next time with this particular mum.
Everyone else replies rather promptly as do I to invites...I don't mind if he can't come but think its rude to give no reply at all.
I thought it was just the norm & courteous !

OP posts:

MumDrumTum · 05/07/2022 07:51

dudsville · 05/07/2022 07:46

Now. Get on and own your day.

This. No answer equals no play date imho

Provenceinthesummer · 05/07/2022 07:53

I would send a follow up message
‘Hi, I haven’t heard back from you re todays plays date invite, I imagine you are busy. We will be heading out for the day at 10am unless I hear from you - have a good week x’

I wouldn’t want the stress of her turning up or texting at 11am to say they are coming, then it’s awkward.

Original poster

threeblowdries · 05/07/2022 09:03

Tks everyone. Still no reply . I'm taking DH to work shortly & heading out for a bit with DS after.
I'll text her before I leave. She won't just turn up at my house but could ring me anytime just expecting me to be sat here.
I'll word my invites to her differently in the future.
My AIBU I suppose was IBU to expect a reply yesterday evening even it was a maybe??

OP posts:

Happierwithouthim · 05/07/2022 09:15

I wouldn't text before you leave, you've no solid arrangement just go about your day

whoamitodisabrie · 05/07/2022 09:18

I have friends like this.

it’s rude and inconsiderate. My pet hate is the “just didn’t have a minute” excuse. Everyone has 30 seconds to say yes or no when someone is waiting for an answer.

whoamitodisabrie · 05/07/2022 09:18

Also is it WhatsApp where you see she’s ready the message?

Iceewicee · 05/07/2022 09:22

threeblowdries · 05/07/2022 09:03

Meh, I wouldn't text her to say you're off out TBH. If and when she does ring asking where you are, just tell her your presumed she wasn't coming.

My PIL always come to our house unannounced and then moan when we're not home. It's like they expect us just to be sitting there in front of the telly all day like they do. They don't seem to understand these concepts of school, full time jobs and having a life.

Provenceinthesummer · 05/07/2022 09:22

I can’t always reply in the evenings and so I tend to reply in the morning. I would hold off getting annoyed tho, she or the kids may have covid. If it is just laziness and she doesn’t hasn’t replied I wouldn’t bother inviting them again! How rude

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 05/07/2022 09:23

She won't just turn up at my house but could ring me anytime just expecting me to be sat here

So what if she does? I'd just say to her "when I didn't hear from you I presumed you weren't free. Maybe another time". And DON'T APOLOGISE, if she genuinely thinks it's reasonable for you to sit round all day waiting on the off chance this is her being rude not you!

lolil · 05/07/2022 09:31

I'll text her before I leave.

Yeah don't do that. You don't owe her an update on your day because she cba to reply to an invite.

Original poster

threeblowdries · 05/07/2022 10:45

I'm out. Didnt text her but have a missed call from 10.18. Phone on silent in the library.
It was whatsapp i sent but I have blue ticks disabled so can't tell if she's read it but I'm pretty sure she had read it but chose not to reply straight away & then maybe forgot!
I get a sense she likes to play games with people maybe hedge her bets a bit !
If it was her 1st time I wouldn't be bothered but she definitely has form .

OP posts:

Saracen · 05/07/2022 11:38

TeenDivided · 05/07/2022 07:43

9:30am.

Next time add 'let me know this evening if you want to come' and you won't have this problem.

Yes, that works for me. Or if I haven't heard from someone in what I consider to be a reasonable time, I will send them a cheery message saying, "Haven't heard from you so assume you haven't seen my previous message yet - so we've decided to go to the park instead."

In my circle, plans are often last-minute and can be complicated, so it's wise to mention whether the the invitation has an "expiry time". I also message somebody as above if I am withdrawing the invitation.

I do think YABU to get worked up about it and decide she's being rude since you don't know 100% that she has seen your message. Lots of people don't check their phone very often. Obviously they know the consequence of that is sometimes missing out on stuff because they didn't reply promptly enough.

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