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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Racist school mums

55 replies

Jennybeans401 · 05/07/2022 07:00

Over the past week I've been a bit shocked to hear two of the school mums being racist. They both know it's wrong but it's clear that they (and their families) are very racist.

Our dcs are in a small village primary and there is very little diversity. Despite this I (naively) thought most people were like me. AIBU to suggest the school do more work to educate the children on racism? I am not naming any names but just feel it's very sad to hear these attitudes.

OP posts:
Hotchox · 05/07/2022 08:26

Good job on saying something OP - as previous posters have said, schools can and often do get something done about it.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 05/07/2022 08:27

I’d talk to the school asap

shivawn · 05/07/2022 08:29

What did they actually say?

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/07/2022 08:51

Yep. I’d make an appointment with the head, say what you heard and from whom, and ask that they do some education to counter it. See what the head has to suggest and follow up.

summerdrinktime · 05/07/2022 09:02

Definitely raise it with the school. Things will never change if people like that are not challenged.

Spanielservant · 05/07/2022 10:02

Yes what did they say? Don't be coy. You posted for advice but won't say what they said.

Drive43 · 05/07/2022 10:12

You can't really expect great results from 'educating' racist mums about racism. It would be more effective if there were opportunities in the village that encouraged a diverse range of people. Any clubs, allotments, that sort of thing?

kewgirl · 05/07/2022 10:24

What is offensive to you may not be to others
Trying to tell others what they are allowed to say is what happened in Nazi Germany
It is what is happening China North Korea some of the Arab nations
I want my school to teach my kids Maths English Science
I do not want a kid teacher who has just left college to try to push her values - whatever they may be - onto my kid
That is my job
Not the schools

NotthatKindofpickle · 05/07/2022 10:43

Spanielservant · 05/07/2022 08:26

If this was really about racism, the OP, like the rest of us adults, would deal with it. The only possible reason to ask a startlingly stupid question on mumsnet is to seek attention. The OP knows full well what to do or not do, it's pure virtue signalling. That's what I can't be doing with.

Op, thank you for telling those people that it's offensive and thank you for raising the topic on MN. By raising the topic on here I hope it will encourage others reading this post to do the same and call out racist comments.

One of the reasons why we didn't put DD in a village school was because we were a bit worried about the risk of racism. I wish everyone made it clear that making racist statements isn't acceptable let alone normal.

If this is virtue signalling then i hope more people do this.

NotthatKindofpickle · 05/07/2022 10:49

kewgirl · 05/07/2022 10:24

What is offensive to you may not be to others
Trying to tell others what they are allowed to say is what happened in Nazi Germany
It is what is happening China North Korea some of the Arab nations
I want my school to teach my kids Maths English Science
I do not want a kid teacher who has just left college to try to push her values - whatever they may be - onto my kid
That is my job
Not the schools

Every child has a right to feel safe at school and that includes not being subjected to racism. It's very much the school's job to provide a safe environment that is conducive to learning and developing.

I can't believe you can compare calling out racism to Nazi Germany but you will be happy to know that if you had lived in Nazi Germany the Nazis would have been very happy with people like you who keep their heads down and don't complain as long as their kids are taught maths and science.

NotthatKindofpickle · 05/07/2022 10:51

Drive43 · 05/07/2022 10:12

You can't really expect great results from 'educating' racist mums about racism. It would be more effective if there were opportunities in the village that encouraged a diverse range of people. Any clubs, allotments, that sort of thing?

I disagree. By keeping quiet you teach them that these statements are acceptable or perfectly normal and just reflect what everyone thinks.

Penrythejanitor · 05/07/2022 11:01

Well in just two pages I'm shocked at the lack of support the OP is getting.

Instead of condemning the racism, we have goady posts insinuating attention seeking, and being over sensitive. Bringing Nazi Germany into the conversation is ignorant and , and sick.

It's no wonder this country is the cess pit it is..we have elected a unapologetic racist as Prime Minister , and far too many members of our population are using this as an excuse to normalise casual and up front racism.

OP, well done you for calling it out and being genuinely concerned about this. Unfortunately whilst village life can be a nice safe community with a good school, there are often nasty little opinions held by individuals that sometimes come to the surface, and these are passed down to the kids.

oldwhyno · 05/07/2022 11:05

YNABU to think that racism is unacceptable, but YABU to think it's the school that has to solve this.

balalake · 05/07/2022 11:20

The school may not be the place to solve the overall issue, but being aware of a racist parent may help them tackle any racism from their children whilst at school, if it happens.

mumsys · 05/07/2022 11:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

IfIhearmumagaintoday · 05/07/2022 11:54

Jennybeans401 · 05/07/2022 07:10

I was shocked and did say to both muns (on separate occasions) that what they said was offensive. I have a lot of friends of different races and cultures and think it's very upsetting. I also worry that these attitudes might be passeddown to the children.

You need to speak up and tell them directly that's it's unacceptable to be racist! MN can't help you.

mimosapompom · 05/07/2022 14:32

Well in just two pages I'm shocked at the lack of support the OP is getting

It's difficult to assess the situation as the OP hasn't said exactly what the other two mums said. She just mentioned it was a village school in a non diverse area, very prejudiced on her part, if you ask me

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/07/2022 14:50

I think it's fine to speak to the school. The parents wont stop being racist at home but the school may be able to help the children see there are different points of view.

And I'm not sure I would have said anything though I think it's great you did. I'd say something if it was someone I knew or a conversation I was involved with or if someone was being racially abused or discriminated against...however it's hard to go up to two people having a private conversation unless you know them very well.

I find mumsnet odd sometimes. I've seen people told to butt out when there is a direct risk of harm eg very young children being left at home alone, babies left to overheat in cars alone or prams with blankets on in a heatwave, people told to mind their own business when neighbours are yelling at their kids all day or people are commiting fraud by claiming benefits they're not entitled to. But if you overhear two people saying racist things to each other in a conversation you're not involved with, you have to point out the error of your ways or you're an awful person. People have been attacked or harassed for less

amoosee · 05/07/2022 15:08

Oh look who's here to defend racism.

If your kid ran around calling people racial slurs you'd probably cheer them on.

MrPoppysParka · 05/07/2022 15:12

Provenceinthesummer · 05/07/2022 07:04

Absolutely. I live in a small village and have never heard any racism. It’s unusual these days in my experience and should be called out immediately.
if I heard racism anywhere I would call it out politely.
’ Did you mean to be racist? What you have just said could be very hurtful and offensive’ and walk off. You don’t have to listen to racism or tolerate it.

Are you white? I would love to know where you live in the UK because racism is certainly not ‘unusual’. Quite the opposite.

Drive43 · 05/07/2022 15:14

NotthatKindofpickle · 05/07/2022 10:51

I disagree. By keeping quiet you teach them that these statements are acceptable or perfectly normal and just reflect what everyone thinks.

Show quote history

Ah, now I didn't suggest keeping quiet. I'm saying that if you say to a racist that you are going to educate her ... she might become more resolute in her bigotry.

carefullycourageous · 05/07/2022 15:18

I also think racism is still very usual, one of the reasons I moved back into the urban area was the racist and homophobic rubbish I heard in the rural surrounds. I guess they thought I'd chuckle along but I told them to fuck right off.

skinhappy · 05/07/2022 15:25

Confrontayshunme · 05/07/2022 07:05

Racist speech, if someone feels harmed by hearing it, is a hate crime, so yes, I would tell school. At the very least they can address it in school or adopt a zero tolerance policy at pick up and drop off times.

This is not the law. The bar for a hate crime is very high.

lamaze1 · 05/07/2022 15:26

Absolutely do say something to the school although don't be surprised if you're ignored. My niece (mixed heritage white/Asian) was being bullied by racist children who were being overtly racist. Having raised it with the school she was told that is how it is where they live and that they couldn't do anything! Nothing was said to the kids, the bullying continued. Inexcusable in my opinion.

Macbeth8 · 05/07/2022 15:29

Please can you let to us know what comments were made?
I live in a little village and I am ethnic..This area is majorly English with hardly any other races/cultures..so would like to knoe what was said as it worries me