Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect more?

7 replies

Velourcurtains · 04/07/2022 22:37

My DP and I have an almost 8 week old baby. His dad came to stay for 2 nights over the weekend and DP then wanted to spend some time just with his dad so wanted to go away Sunday afternoon overnight. Our baby still does not sleep so usually he does a few hours in the evening so I can sleep. As he was going away for the night, he arranged for his sister to come and stay with me (she is just lovely) which was fine with me. My DP is a very heavy drinker so expected not to hear from him Sunday evening/night as this is normal when he is out drinking a lot but I then also didn't hear anything from him all day on Monday either. His sister asked him what time he would be home and said he would be 20/30 minutes at 6 but didn't come back until 8.30 Monday evening and had been very clearly drinking the whole day. AIBU to be upset that he didn't contact me at all to check in with me and our baby even just once? I just would also like to add that as he has come home really pissed, there is no way I can let him take care of our baby whilst I get some sleep this evening. I feel like he prioritises alcohol before our family. Most of our arguments have been about his drinking. Am happy to be told I'm overreacting!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 04/07/2022 22:38

So he has a problem with alcohol? His main relationship is with it. Not you. That won’t change.

Original poster
Velourcurtains · 04/07/2022 22:45

Yes my view is that he does have an issue with alcohol but of course his view is that he doesn't so you're right that's never going to change and I need to carefully consider our future and the well being of myself and my baby

OP posts:
Fulbe · 04/07/2022 22:48

Am I reading this right - he was 2 1/2 hours late? He might think you're being unreasonable about timing, whereas it sounds more like it's about you objecting to his heavy drinking and uncaring behaviour. If he's like a lot of drinkers he might not recognise this himself. You probably should have not agreed to it in the first place or agreed rules - e.g. he wouldn't come home so drunk that he can't help out with childcare.

It sounds like this is a pattern. Take it from me, don't have another child with this man and protect yourself. At this early age in my opinion he needs to be around to help out as much as possible. And be clear about your needs.

SeasonFinale · 04/07/2022 22:58

Fulbe · 04/07/2022 22:48

Am I reading this right - he was 2 1/2 hours late? He might think you're being unreasonable about timing, whereas it sounds more like it's about you objecting to his heavy drinking and uncaring behaviour. If he's like a lot of drinkers he might not recognise this himself. You probably should have not agreed to it in the first place or agreed rules - e.g. he wouldn't come home so drunk that he can't help out with childcare.

It sounds like this is a pattern. Take it from me, don't have another child with this man and protect yourself. At this early age in my opinion he needs to be around to help out as much as possible. And be clear about your needs.

I read it as he was supposed to come home Sunday evening and came home late Monday evening so over 26 hours late!

Original poster
Velourcurtains · 04/07/2022 22:59

Sorry I should have been clearer, I wasn't bothered about the time he came home but more so about the complete lack of contact which made me feel like he was more interested in getting pissed and not thinking at all about how we were and about the fact he came home so drunk that he wasn't able so come back after being away ready to parent his child and support me

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 04/07/2022 23:00

@Fulbe sorry re read - yes just a couple of hours late but had no contact. I guess the issue is whether he normally keeps in touch but didn't this time.

Fulbe · 04/07/2022 23:02

@SeasonFinale I originally read it as that too!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread