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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent paying for a activity my children don't do

23 replies

DyingForACuppa · 04/07/2022 20:35

I started taking my reception aged child to an after school gymnastics club, with their preschool sibling who is a bit young for it but tags along.

It's fairly laid back, there are various gymnastic things set up with helpers at each station and the kids can go round and do whichever they want.

Except my kids have become good friends with one of the helpers children (aged 7) who comes along, and have slowly done less and less of the actual activities.

This child was ill and didn't come for a few weeks and my kids enthusiastically did the activities.

Now the child is back and for the last two weeks my kids have done no gymnastics and just played with them instead. After the first week this happened I told my kids if they didn't actually do the gymnastics I wasn't going to keep paying for them to come.

Dh thinks I am being mean, and that I'm stopping them going to the club they love, but I really resent paying for an activity they don't do.

OP posts:
Replacethis · 04/07/2022 20:37

Gymnastics is expensive.

The instructors should be ensuring all the children are engaged.

I'd remove them and return when they are older.

Rogue1001MNer · 04/07/2022 20:38

Arrange a playdate with the child

And then insist they do the gymnastics or find a different gymnastics place

Lindy2 · 04/07/2022 20:46

Are you there watching them? If so step in.

You need to tell your children to stop playing and take part in the gymnastics. You need to tell the other child your children can't play right now as they need to join in with the club activities.

Inviting the child to play another day seems like a good compromise.

dancinfeet · 04/07/2022 21:26

the organiser needs to make sure that their child is not distracting children who are paying to take part in the class (or else they need to find appropriate childcare for their child whilst they work). Your child is there to take part and learn not to go off and play / occupy their child. I say this as someone who has had to take my own children to work many times as a single parent when they were younger (I run a dance school). You are completely not being unreasonable to expect that they keep your child interested and busy in the class.

dancinfeet · 04/07/2022 21:27

And yes, completely agree that your child also needs to understand that they are there to participate not play, but that a separate play date could be organised.

Bunnycat101 · 04/07/2022 21:28

Tbh I don’t think the class sounds that good if the kids are able to mess around so much without anyone noticing.

BattenburgDonkey · 04/07/2022 21:31

I’d be speaking to the gymnastics staff rather than expecting your reception kid and pre schooler to understand that they are enjoying their activity wrong.

XelaM · 04/07/2022 21:35

They are really young. I would let them play. It's not like it's training for an Olympic team. If they enjoy going I would continue with it. Otherwise they might start resenting going to gymnastics if it's not fun

SmileyPiuPiu · 04/07/2022 21:57

It's really rude to the instructor and anyone else who wanted to go but couldn't get in. I think you're doing the right thing as they have to learn respect.

SmileyPiuPiu · 04/07/2022 21:58

XelaM · 04/07/2022 21:35

They are really young. I would let them play. It's not like it's training for an Olympic team. If they enjoy going I would continue with it. Otherwise they might start resenting going to gymnastics if it's not fun

But they aren't going to gymnastics.. they are going to the place gymnastics is held, while OP pays for gymnastics, and not doing any.

SouthOfFrance · 04/07/2022 22:03

Are you there at the class?

You need to speak to the person in charge of the group and ask for their support, either by allowing you to go and put a stop to the distraction or them breaking it up too.

I agree with you though, I'd not be paying if they aren't actually doing the activity.

Eeksteek · 04/07/2022 22:05

Depends why you’re taking them. Are they supposed to be having fun? I’m which case, you can’t tell the how to do that. If they are supposed to be learning something, then that‘s different, but honestly why do children have to be so ‘engaged’ in improving recreational activities. Can’t they just….enjoy them, whatever that means to them?

If it’s beyond your budget, no issues. It sounds amazing to me. My kid’s gymnastics was all lining up and taking turns, and being judged and criticised like school. I wasn’t surprised when she said it wasn’t fun anymore. It looked incredibly rigid and joyless to me. Not everything has to be a lesson. I’d have happily paid for a supervised/guided play session, myself. I just wanted her to have fun and get tired (she slept poorly and I could never wear her out and had no siblings to play with)

Testina · 04/07/2022 22:12

It’s laid back and based on the child wandering round and choosing.
Are you allowed to be on the floor?
If so, just chivvy your child along, “ooooh, let’s have a go at the balancing beam - is Maisie <employee’s child> coming too?”

pigsDOfly · 04/07/2022 22:13

So the person who is taking the class is getting free childcare from your children while she works and you're paying for the privilege.

Very nice for her.

You need to insist that she does her job properly and ensures your children are participating or you have to do it yourself. Your children are not there to occupy her child.

You're not being mean.

If your children are not doing the activity, what's the point of them going?

MiniPiccolo · 04/07/2022 22:15

Honestly wouldn't go near a gymnastics session with a bargepole.

I just removed DS from his as they were still refusing to let parents spectate or have view of the lessons.

XelaM · 04/07/2022 22:33

SmileyPiuPiu · 04/07/2022 21:58

But they aren't going to gymnastics.. they are going to the place gymnastics is held, while OP pays for gymnastics, and not doing any.

Show quote history

They are reception and pre-school age, so 3/4 years old? Does it really matter how much they "learn"? If they enjoy going because they have a friend there, I would continue with it

Testina · 04/07/2022 23:15

pigsDOfly · 04/07/2022 22:13

So the person who is taking the class is getting free childcare from your children while she works and you're paying for the privilege.

Very nice for her.

You need to insist that she does her job properly and ensures your children are participating or you have to do it yourself. Your children are not there to occupy her child.

You're not being mean.

If your children are not doing the activity, what's the point of them going?

The OP’s kids are about 5 and 4… I’m the sure helper’s child isn’t being babysat by them 🤣

Original poster
DyingForACuppa · 04/07/2022 23:22

Eeksteek · 04/07/2022 22:05

Depends why you’re taking them. Are they supposed to be having fun? I’m which case, you can’t tell the how to do that. If they are supposed to be learning something, then that‘s different, but honestly why do children have to be so ‘engaged’ in improving recreational activities. Can’t they just….enjoy them, whatever that means to them?

If it’s beyond your budget, no issues. It sounds amazing to me. My kid’s gymnastics was all lining up and taking turns, and being judged and criticised like school. I wasn’t surprised when she said it wasn’t fun anymore. It looked incredibly rigid and joyless to me. Not everything has to be a lesson. I’d have happily paid for a supervised/guided play session, myself. I just wanted her to have fun and get tired (she slept poorly and I could never wear her out and had no siblings to play with)

I do want them to have fun. But I can just take them to play with other kids for free! (which we do most days).

I wanted to pay for them to do an activity, to experience something different I suppose. If they just didn't enjoy the gymnastics I would try something else or maybe try again when they were older. But they love going to this and would be upset if we stopped, but it's just an expensive way to play with one child.

I was happy for them to play some of the time and do some gymnastics, but that has unfortunately lead to this place we are now where they do none!

OP posts:
Original poster
DyingForACuppa · 04/07/2022 23:35

Testina · 04/07/2022 22:12

It’s laid back and based on the child wandering round and choosing.
Are you allowed to be on the floor?
If so, just chivvy your child along, “ooooh, let’s have a go at the balancing beam - is Maisie <employee’s child> coming too?”

Yes, I have to be with them. Im not even getting some child free time for my money!

I have absolutely tried all sorts chivvying and the 'ooh, why don't you get Maisie to show you x?'.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/07/2022 00:32

I think you need to talk to the teacher about it, so that they can make sure to include your children in the activity/ encourage them to take part.

Gagaandgag · 05/07/2022 00:32

I’d find this annoying too. Especially if you have encouraged them along.

Have you tried to have a conversation explaining how you feel about it with them?

pigsDOfly · 05/07/2022 19:53

Testina · 04/07/2022 23:15

The OP’s kids are about 5 and 4… I’m the sure helper’s child isn’t being babysat by them 🤣

Show quote history

I thought is was obvious what I meant, I didn't mean the OP's children are literally 'babysitting' the other child.

But by playing with the child they are keeping the child occupied, which means that the person running the class doesn't have to watch her own child.

The child is playing with OP's children and by default OP, while looking after her own children is watching the other person's child as well, and as I said, paying for the priviledge.

BobbinHood · 05/07/2022 19:55

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/07/2022 00:32

I think you need to talk to the teacher about it, so that they can make sure to include your children in the activity/ encourage them to take part.

This. If they’ve got their own child there it’s really unprofessional for them to be distracting the other children.

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