What advice would you give your mid twenties self?

[Skye197]

I’m in my mid twenties and struggling with anxiety and feeling a bit lost. Would advice would you give your mid twenties self?

If you smoke, stop now. Literally cold turkey: it will save huge amounts of time and money.

Do things that bring you joy, be they gardening / crafting / sport / whatever, and make sure you make time for them: have a built-in timetable for happiness.

Find a thing you like that raises your heart level at least four times a week - could be dancing, or walking, or running, or swimming, or canoeing or whatever.

Stretch every day.

Practise saying 'no' with a smile and mean it wholeheartedly.

Buy some very sharp knives and learn how to keep them sharp.

Go to the dentist regularly.

Buy expensive shoes / boots and take them to the cobbler regularly (see also: buy a good winter coat and look after it).

Learn another language.

Make friends with older / younger people and maintain those friendships.

Use 50+ sunblock.

Always have at least one formal outfit in your wardrobe for funerals.

Moisturise your neck.

Set up internet banking with multiple accounts and sort out your savings at the start of the month, not the end.

Stay away from debt.

Get at least one cat.

Stop buying £5 wine, but don't spend £15+ on a bottle - the £8-12 price range is the best.

Kind, funny men / women are the best.

You don't have to get married or have children if you don't want to.

If you don't already have them, develop good table manners.

Learn to listen.

Don't always do the obvious and/or easy thing.

If you want a partner, find one who makes you laugh and makes you come and makes you tea (or beverage of choice). Make sure you do the same for them.

Stop wasting so much time and energy wondering if men are interested in you. You will meet the one eventually and there won’t be any of this heartache and drama.
Don’t get stuck in a job that doesn’t make you happy just because you think it’s what you should do. Take more risks. Travel and work abroad while you’re young and don’t have any commitments. Appreciate how incredible your body looks now. You’ll work so hard on it in 5-10 years but it will never look the same as it does at 25.

And stay away from the sun beds!!

I wish I’d known I deserved things, be it a high flying career, good friends or just generally being successful and happy. I’ve wasted a lot of time not feeling as good as the next person or somehow that I deserve really special things. I don’t mean just money, but I always thought there was something wrong with me or someone would find out I was “above my station” so never aimed as high as I should have done, but really, I’m just as deserving as the next person. (Even now in my 40’s I have to keep telling myself that).

Hand the baby to his DF and walk off a cliff.

Stop trying to do everything perfectly. Good enough is all it needs to be.

It's okay to put yourself first every once in a while, you don't always need to put everyone else's needs above your own.

It's impossible to please everyone all the time, so stop trying.

If you don't know if he likes you, he doesn't like you. If you wonder whether you are in a happy relationship, you're not.

Fuck what other people think
Work out what gives you genuine joy
If it feels a bit off, it probably is
Choose the job that pays well and has a decent pension scheme ( the other one will be shit too once you get a bit senior)

Thank you everyone. This is all really helpful and a lot of things that I need to hear.

I’m having a hard time at the minute constantly doubting myself. I’ am looking for a new job and ones that appeal to me I think to myself ‘I’m not good enough to do that’ so I am my own worse enemy and limiting myself.

The guy I am currently seeing always has me second guessing things too and I wonder how he feels. It’s very hard work. I realise I need to walk away as I’m spending too much time worrying about it.

thanks again for all the replies!

Advice to myself: be brave and embrace change, don’t be afraid to fail, travel more, have more sex.

OP, my dh literally never once made me doubt him. Not once. We had rows and even once or twice in the early days came close to splitting up so not saints but he never made me second guess myself. People who do are playing games and you deserve better than that.

Re the job, have a go! If they say no, so what. If it's not the job for you, find another one. I know that sounds flippant but you have options. Try a few

I wish I'd focused on my career less and pursued my interests more. Now I'm 38, finally have the career but also have family commitments (a child and older relatives) and it's much less easy to do the things I always dreamt of (e.g. living abroad for a bit). At the time I felt huge pressure to "succeed" but to be honest the career could have waited a year or two longer.

Things I'm glad I did in my 20s: learnt to garden and cook, pushed myself into healthy eating, did exercise, save and pay into my pension (these things pay dividends later), always underestimated how difficult things would be otherwise I might have missed out on some great experiences (or good stories at least), took some amazing holidays/ travelled abroad, enjoyed festivals. I wish I'd taken more photos or actually got them printed.

Things my friends wish they had done: don't persist with failing relationships - leave him and have children (if you want them) with someone who actually treats you well and wants them.

If your anxiety is affecting you, you can get good help for it. I have worked with people with anxiety disorders and therapy can be life changing in just a few weeks.

You're as slim as you're ever likely to be so have loads of sex and enjoy your body.

Also, buy a house.

Don't marry him or be sucked in. He's a user and you know it.

oh and learn to love your body. It is incredible. Researchers have spent millions trying to make robots that can do what your body can do already. Appreciate what it can do not what it is not. In this world there are millions or billions who are thinner/ have bigger boobs/ whatever your hangup is. You will never be the prettiest or best, so just appreciate what you do have rather than beating yourself up for not being that. As you get older your inner beauty/ wisdom/ kindness will show through more and more and you will realise that pretty idiots are just that.

Take the job, even if you're only at 70% (you'll learn the other 30% in situ)

Ditch anybody who makes you feel 'less than'

Look at what you really want ( really really want) and go for it! You willl never regret it!!!

You have everything in front of you!

Listen to your gut and get the fuck away from that man. He will try and ruin you. Your gut is always right.

Go for high paying jobs. Get yourself as financially independent as soon as possible. Everything is better with money.

You and your opinions are valid.

Travel as much as possible.

Let shit and other people go.

Hold your head high.

Travel a lot
save a little
have lots of sex
be careful whose rules you follow and why
live the life you want to remember

Don’t marry (ex DH)

Don't get married yet he is not the one.

Be brave

Believe in yourself and follow your dreams.

Read.
Challenge yourself.
Have adventures.
Don't settle down with someone who doesn't think you're amazing. Kindness is priceless.
Listen to your gut. (I didn't)
You can do anything.

I started reading something earlier this year (must find it again) that said that anybody can learn any skill - it's just that different people will take different amounts of time to master any given skill. So, even if you can barely draw a stick man (for example) you can learn to draw if you practise. Just because it comes more naturally to someone else, doesn't mean you're not also capable of doing it.

I married someone who wasn't right for me. Deep down, in my gut, I think I knew something wasn't quite right, but I convinced myself that we were right together. We weren't. I really should have listened to my gut.

Stop worrying. Most things you worry about won’t happen and the very few that do you will cope with.
Think of all of the things you can do if you are not spending your time fretting.

Max your pension as much as possible.