To think it's not rude to tell someone something is annoying? (Parking)

[TheUnexpectedPickle]

Came out today to find a car partially blocking my drive. Tried to squeeze round it but couldn't without damaging next door's car.

I assumed it was a visitor to Other Next Door so I went to ask them to move it. The wife answered and said it was their car- someone had blocked their drive so they had to "shuffle down"

I replied that it wasn't ok, and though I get that its annoying that their drive is blocked, they're just as bad as whoever blocked their drive- in fact its slightly worse as my car was actually on the drive so I was blocked in. She said she was sorry and that her husband had knocked but i said i clearly either wasn't there or didn't hear so that they should have parked further down the road.

She told me there was no need to be rude. I've thought about it since and I really don't think I was- I didn't say anything disrespectful or unkind, I didn't raise my voice or swear- I just didn't say "oh its ok, no worries", which is what I feel was expected of me.

I feel like this happens a lot- is it because women are meant to be accommodating? Or is it actually rude to tell someone they're annoying?

(I accept this is super trivial, but its really irritated me!!)

Tricky one as some people wouldn’t really have an issue with this. I’d prefer my neighbours to park over my driveway than have to park ages away. I can’t personally relate to your reaction (but I do accept we’re all different and you have every right to feel that way). So although I don’t think you were rude, I’d think you were being sullen.

I no longer accept this shitty behaviour from others. I’ve stopped being polite and apologetic.
I would not have been polite about this.
Move your car now and tell that husband of yours never to park across my drive again. Would have been the absolute most polite sentence which would come out of my mouth.
I would also not be speaking to them from now on.
This bloke was 100% out of order, no excuses. And no, I can guarantee he would not have parked his car over a 6 foot 4, rugby playing man’s drive.

You were right, but tbh, she apologised and agreed to move the car right away, so I'd have just left it there. The conversation you had with her was enough to let her know you'd talk to her if she blocked you. Neighbourly relationships are important and not worth spoiling over minor stuff.

I would also not be speaking to them from now on.

My goodness! Have you never done anything you've later reflected on and "thought that was a bit daft"? Our neighbours visitors parked across our drive once, I have a 6ft husband who they had met but they still did it. They were very apologetic, thry were supposed to be quickly dropping something off and it turned into a longer stay and they hadn't thought, as so many of us do! Is it worth falling our with neighbours over something so petty?

Years ago, the guy across from us took to parking his car outside our house, even though the space in front of his was empty. Annoying, but obviously nothing we can do, it is public road. But one day he called over when he saw me carrying shopping down from where I had got parked and said 'ahh sorry, we just don't want to park outside our own house in case our kids scrape the car with their bikes - but you are welcome to park there...' - that pissed me off no end! People are weird op. You didn't do anything wrong.

If it's the first time you should have accepted the apology and explanation then said no more. She doesn't need you to tell her what to do, telling her you didn't like what they did do was enough.

This reminds me of a time a woman rammed a shopping trolley into mine overtaking me because it was near closing time, she said "oh sorry" and I didn't respond with a "oh no worries" or say sorry or anything. I just didn't say anything because there wasn't really a need and more so it all happened very quickly, she then responded with a dramatic immature "ORR NOTTT THEN!" It was bizarre and I thought are we just expected to do the whole "oh no worries oh no it was my fault" all the time?!? Even if we're wronged? 😂 I know this is small and petty

This. She apologised but you kept on. It is clear you didn't want an apology you wanted her to grovel and likely still would have been annoyed with her. Yes she did something annoying but is is hardly the end of the world and a bit more graciousness from you after she apologised would have gone a long way to smoothing neighbourly relations

Maybe that doesn't matter to you and sometimes of course people are so unreasonable that being gracious to them is akin to bring walked over but in my experience it is usually better to start of being gracious rather than ungracious as it gets better results 80%of the time.

They partially blacked their neighbours drive. You had a right to be annoyed as it's rude of them an it inconvenienced you. They should have parked not blocking anyone's drive and why they would think it's ok to ask you to block your car in is beyond me. Idiots.

She said you are rude because she knows she's in the wrong and is trying to deflect.

Exactly this.

If you don't want people "telling you off" and "being rude", don't do the inconsiderate behaviour in the first place! Why on earth would you block someone's driveway anyway (and no, your own being blocked isn't a reason).

I think you were being a bit rude when you carried on about it after she apologised

why do people keep posting this when the OP said she didn't?

I think tone is key with things like this. I think a lot of people think they are being polite when in fact they're coming across to the other person as patronising, passive-aggressive or hectoring.

I also think just asking her to move the car because it was blocking you in would have been enough, rather than a lecture about why it was annoying and how they were just as bad as the person who blocked them in, etc etc.

I think you've gone in on the attack and carried on when it wasn't necessary, that's what made the interaction aggressive (rude) and not assertive.
All you needed to say is words to the effect was please don't block my drive, clearly and concisely, the rest of it wasn't needed, especially for a first offence. You're likely now on bad terms with your neighbours, which wasn't necessary.
I don't think it's anything to do with your gender, I would think a bloke was being a bit of a dick if he carried on trying to make a point with me after i'd apologised.

I think you went on too much, if it’s the first time it has happened then it didn’t need this much of a conversation given what she said. A quick “can you move your car as you’ve blocked my drive” would suffice, if they do it again then fair enough.

I don’t think a lecture on why she shouldn’t have done it and whether her husband did knock was necessary and that’s probably what came across as rude as it looks like you came to speak to her with the intention of telling her off, over what is a fairly minor one off inconvenience.

A classic behaviour of those who don't want to acknowledge that they are in the wrong is to criticise the messenger in some way. No you were not rude.

Because she did.

Thanks, that's kind of you. Will you be covering the bill if our car gets scraped?

Hind sight is always great, isn’t it? I think I would have said. “Yes, you’re very right. No need to be rude. So why did you rudely block my driveway?”

they’re the rude ones. They knew what they were doing, blocking you in, but did it anyway .

I've given up expecting apologies and being over apologetic. It's made my life muchh simpler!!

The OP didn't go on about it. The neighbour said her husband knocked, so they clearly knew they were doing something inconsiderate, and when they didn't get a reply they did it anyway - and somehow that was meant to make it OK. Pfft.

You just went on for longer than you needed to, considering she apologised, explained and said they'd move it straight away.

I don't think it's particularly brave, assertive or 'not taking any shit'. I think it's just unnecessary once you've received the apology.

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Sorry wrong thread!

Yes, it was. I didn't know who's car it was, I had to try and guess. You've obviously got an understanding with your neighbours which is great, but we don't. In fact I'd never even met her before that day.

My other next door neighbour recently had building work and the builders often blocked me in, by prior agreement and the moved immediately when I went out. That was fine because it was agreed upon in advance and neighbour asked nicely.