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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mixing up classes in primary school

113 replies

Faciadipasta · 04/07/2022 17:17

My dc has found out today (with no warning) that their school has decided to mix up the 3 classes in their year group as they move from year 2 to year 3 in September. They are the only year that this is being done with. A LOT of the children were in tears at pick up today. I'm really worried that they will all have difficulties making new friends, and a lot of them are already saying they don't want to go to school any more now. If this has happened to your dc how did it go? Were the kids happier in the long run?
It just seems really mean, I'm sure they have reasons for doing it but I feel like these kids have already all had so much to deal with, being the cohort that were in reception when covid hit, so they've missed so much in terms of continuity and security within school and now they are having their friendship groups broken up as well. I think I'm almost as upset as my DS (who has been in tears since he got home) the reasoning the school has given is that the class sizes are uneven. They currently have 2 classes of 24 and 1 of 30 so they want to make them more equal. I do understand that point but I think only 2 children have actually left the year since they joined so why couldn't it just have been more balanced from the beginning?

OP posts:
Original poster
Faciadipasta · 04/07/2022 18:22

@BobbinHood I am sad because he is and so many other kids are. I'm also annoyed that the school have dropped it out of nowhere with no chance for us to prepare the kids it might be coming BUT I am of course saying to him that it'll be great, he'll have loads of new friends and still see his old ones at break time

OP posts:
lanthanum · 04/07/2022 18:24

DD was in a three-form entry and the classes stayed the same all the way through. I think it was a mistake. There were disparities in ability between the classes (the majority of the top maths set were from one class), and two classes were short on girls (obviously they couldn't fix the gender balance entirely as there were more boys altogether, but it could have been improved). Socially, there were kids who would have benefitted from a mix-up: for instance, one girl who joined partway up was unable to break into a very tight-knit friendship group in her class, and didn't really share interests with the other girls in that class. She did eventually make friends in the other classes, but a mix-up might have created earlier opportunities.

MsTSwift · 04/07/2022 18:25

People hate change - sooo much weeping and wailing from some of the parents when they mixed dd2 class it was embarrassing. There was one “good” class full of biddable children but also a queen bee scenario going on with the girls and then dds class which had all the challenging children. It obviously needed mixing up. The queen bee mums from the “good” class went insane.

soundsystem · 04/07/2022 18:28

bridgetreilly · 04/07/2022 17:29

I think this is completely fine and it would be helpful if parents were positive and didn’t make a big deal about it. Friends can still play at break times and after school. But school is for education, not fun, and teachers have a lot of other things to bear in mind.

Exactly this

FlamingosInThePark · 04/07/2022 18:31

I'm annoyed that our school is NOT doing it for unexplained reasons this year. DS is in reception and I feel he could benefit from a change.

3 form entry school. I think it's a missed opportunity. Hopefully next year.

The bully being in the same class is not good obviously but is a separate issue IMO and needs dealing with outside of mixing classes.

Thejoyfulstar · 04/07/2022 18:33

I'm a teacher and am fully in favour of mixing classes periodically. Keeping dynamics the same for years on end can lead to very toxic groups. The same children get scapegoated, unhealthy friendship groups continue to fester, children who are always left out never have a chance to develop new friendships. It should be done very sensitively, but I find it's always the parents of children who are enjoying the status quo who have a problem with mixing. My child's class will be mixing in September. They have great friends but I know its for the greater good that they get mixed up.

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2022 18:34

Sqeebling · 04/07/2022 17:37

We had to do this because a stupid DM decided against advice she wanted her precious twins to be in the same class in reception

A year later she changed her mind and they used the excuse of a couple of other fallen out friendships to mix up the classes

It destroyed friendships of DC and DM and it was a real shame

There were some awful new DMs and their DC in our new class

I hated the school with a passion for that

This is all very dramatic. My children's classes mix every year and it hasn't crossed my mind to worry about whether I'll get on with the mums!

Just chat to the people you like- regardless of classes.

Original poster
Faciadipasta · 04/07/2022 18:35

Well to be fair the bully has to be put somewhere and I guess my DS is just unlucky there. It's not like he's the only one who this kid picks on. He has challenging behaviour generally and is awful to a lot of kids.
I think it's the fact that so.many friendship groups are being broken up, and we weren't given warning that I think has upset me the most.
I know a lot of kids (like mine) really struggle with the lack of stability they've had with school since they started. If we could have at leaat prepared them it would have helped

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/07/2022 18:35

DS's year got reshuffled last year (between Y1 and Y2). It hasn't been great because DS got separated from friends, and parents haven't bothered getting to know all the new faces as they will all be reshuffled again next year. However DS doesn't seem that bothered. It is more about the needs of the school in my opinion, but that is reason enough to do it.

FlyingPandas · 04/07/2022 18:35

The mixing of classes is standard every year at DC's school and it can be a really positive thing. DC generally settle, get used to it quickly and make far less fuss than parents do in my experience! This is all about parents helping their children be resilient and to guide them to view it as a positive thing.

It doesn't sound good that your school have dropped it on you with no warning - that would have annoyed me, too - but still, with encouragement and positivity the children should adapt well.

Personally I would be far more nervous of a school that never mixed classes. A friend's DC were in a 2 form entry primary that kept the same 30 kids together from reception to Y6. Never ever mixed. Was great for one of her DC, who was in a well balanced class that 'gelled' - but a nightmare for the other, who wasn't.

Threetulips · 04/07/2022 18:35

DDs year group - about 6 rough boys in each class - so they split their friendships group to split the boys up

What happened was they all made friends and made a 12 strong group. It didn’t end well. She moved schools.

Original poster
Faciadipasta · 04/07/2022 18:38

Sorry but this is sort of obvious no?

I find it's always the parents of children who are enjoying the status quo who have a problem with mixing.

If I and my child wasn't happy with the class of course I wouldn't have a problem with the mixing!

If you take enjoying the status quo to mean "struggle to.make friends but have managed it eventually" then yes that's us!

I'm not saying it can't be a good thing. I'm just worried that it won't be

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 04/07/2022 18:38

Happened yearly with dds school ds school did it once because of a severely unbalanced class it was fantastic for him as he was moved away from all the children who bullied him

Dd makes friends really easily and has transitioned to the outside world really easily we have concerns about ds

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2022 18:40

My eldest really struggles with change but as they do it every year we just keep reminding her that she has been in a new class before and it has always been fine. Children need to learn to adapt and there's no reason why friendship groups need to change if they don't want them to.

RandomMess · 04/07/2022 18:43

It sounds counter intuitive but him having that experience of having to make new friends will help him find it easier when he needs to in the future. Some DC come too reliant on a small long established friendship group and then if there are fall outs it has a massive detrimental affect on them.

Flowers
Isaidnoalready · 04/07/2022 18:44

In our school when ds year was mixed up the parents went insane literally rocking and crying "for their children" the children were understandably scared and anxious more because of the parents reaction than anything else the head had dozens of parents showing up to berate him one started a bloody petition ffs it was an insane reaction and they didn't do there children any good the transition to secondary school hit those children hardest and a couple didnt make it and dropped out several are being home schooled now because the parents cannot get there own way

It's literally not the end of the world

BiFoldChampion · 04/07/2022 18:45

It’s usual in my eldest school to change class every year from Reception to Year 6. And then with my youngest they will change going into Juniors so the same as your child.

Zwellers · 04/07/2022 18:46

Just so say this they will be able to meet their friends moved to another class at playtime isn't necessarily true. At schools by me they have individual playgrounds and don't meet each other at all.
I think mixing is tbe worst thing ever.every year you lose your friends and have to start again. I spent primary school mostly alone because of this.

DailyMailHater · 04/07/2022 18:48

This happened to my child after spending practically all of year 4&5 at home the classes were mixed for them going into year 6….lots of tears and worry from lots of children and parents at the time….by the time September rolled round the kids were fine with it and my child has had the best year at school…new friends, more confident and not worried about going to secondary (which for a child previously diagnosed with anxiety is amazing)

Quartz2208 · 04/07/2022 18:48

@Faciadipasta are you friends with the mums of the boys no longer in the class?

DS has 2 friends from pre school he has never been in the same class at school as - they are both (and always have been) in the same class and they are still close and we often meet up after school

He went to a party of his best friend - 6 boys 2 from their old class 2 from the new

SpringIntoChaos · 04/07/2022 18:51

We split classes every year...it's pretty standard practise in many schools...perfectly normal! Your children will take their cues from you...so don't be 'that' parent and teach your children resilience!

SheWoreYellow · 04/07/2022 18:53

Our primary used to not mix classes but the high school observed that they did not get on as well as those from other primaries who had mixed. So now they do.

Vallmo47 · 04/07/2022 18:57

I understand Op. My daughter had this happen to her last year when she left year 4. She was on the fence about it but I was truly upset. I did hide this from her as best as I could but it was difficult. She asked for 3 of her closest friends to be in her class and she didn’t get a single one of her choices. The teacher explained it with “Because she’s the least worried about the changes” but it really annoyed me! Why should she lose all of her closest friends because the teacher thinks she will cause the least fuss?

If I’m completely honest I’m still not keen on this mix up. They’ve now mixed them up again for year 6 despite only some of the pupils leaving for secondary. I enquired why they couldn’t stay with their new friends from year 5 but was told it’s “good for them to get used to mixing ahead of secondary”.
We found out the new class and teacher today and amazingly she’s lucked out this time and knows a whole of two people.

What I will say in favour of this weird system is that she knows a larger group of children that she did before and yes, she’s a lot less worried about it this time around. Last year most kids were crying. I have not seen tears so far this year.
I do completely take your point about so many changes after the shitshow of covid, I made that exact point last year and they did not listen.

Keep positive about it. It will help your child 100%.

BotCrossHuns · 04/07/2022 18:59

We were mixed up every year from age 5 onwards. Parents had nothing to do with it. We didn't even find out until September - that was the exciting bit about the first day of school, finding out your class and teacher. No particularly effort made to keep friends together ,but they did try to balance classes in various other ways. Mostly you just got used to it - nobody expected the classes to be the same, so it wasn't an issue. You played with friends at playtime and lunch. And hoped to be back in the same class another year.

LifeInsideMyhead · 04/07/2022 19:03

Our local primary does this every year. I hate it. Both my children have lost good friendships due to this and both struggle with quite so much change and then spend the summer all worried about the new class.

I've tried all the "but you'll see each other at playtime" but its not the same - they often don't play together as they bond as a class and have shared experiences.

They used to let you write down 3 friends and guarantee you one of them but they dont do that anymore (not surprised as it must be a nightmare to sort.)
I know keeping them the same every year isn't great - and its a reason against single form schools.... but I hate how its worked for my 2.

My eldest is at secondary and loves that her form class will stay the same throughout the school!