Birthday party guests and younger siblings.

[Usernumber37374737985]

What is the etiquette?

holding Dd a party soon, first party so I am new to this. She is turning 7, youngest in her class. Invited the whole class just because she's been invited to loads herself. Next year she'll have something just with a few friends.

many of the parents have reception or pre school age kids which they said they will bring along. I have no problem with this. I understand that some people have no one to have them but I feel some just bring all their kids and both parents etc (from what I've seen at previous parties).

I've stayed at some parties and one mum I know takes her partner and all their kids to each party and they all sit around eating food, including the adults. I felt like this is a bit cheeky but okay.

there is 22 confirmed coming, around 8-10 potential have siblings, mainly younger.

we have enough food planned so food is not my issue!

but party/sweet bags? Do the siblings get one too? I feel like I'm the kind of person who wouldn't want to leave a younger child but they weren't invited and the cost?! I planned for 30 but it's not going to be enough as have a couple relatives kids coming too. So now I'll make 40 bags.

^^ I have decided sweet bags will probably be the easiest and cheapest option.

I really don't mind little ones coming but I just feel it's adding to the cost?!

Maybe be a big bag of individual Haribo or similar and give sibling a little pack. Also think about cake, might be worth doing some crispy cakes to go to siblings

Thank you but yes concerned about cake too. I'm not much of a baker so was gonna order or buy one but feel like all the costs have increased due to siblings! Didn't want to spend too much on cake either 🤷‍♀️

need to pay out for the hall, entertainer etc yet!

What I used to do was have party bags for actual guests and then ‘lesser’ bags for siblings (also gave to siblings who came along at collection time) - the lesser bag would be just a mini size bar/mini size bag of sweets.

I just gave siblings a little bag with couple of things in it so they felt they had something.

But why have you got parents all staying with their kids at age 7? With my kids everyone stayed when kids were little but by 6 onwards it was drop and go unless there was particular reason they needed to stay.

some do get left, some parents stay around here, but I would say most stay and some of the children will be 8 soon too. I tend to have to stay with Dd as she has a mild disability, she needs help going to the toilet etc but often I make Dp take her as I hate sitting around at parties 😅. When we stay tend to just sit outside, or linger in the corner if Dd needs us!

I do think some parents just go because they either enjoy it or like the social side of talking to other parents. I enjoy neither 😅

I have always made party bags for siblings. If you agree to the sibling coming then I think you need to do a party bag. Otherwise you need to say sorry but you can't cater for siblings.

I honestly can't see any reason why siblings would need to attend their 7 year old brother/sisters friends party. Even if the parent has no other childcare, they don't need to stay at a 7 year olds party. Take the sibling home and then come and collect the other one after the party! I'd feel rude as fuck expecting my other child to be fed and given party bags etc.. and their siblings friends party!

I’ve for a work thing planned for 60 kids this age.

Home Bargains have bubble wands, 3 for £1, a bag of haribo (skittles for the vegetarians) and a slice of Costco cake (£14.99) and we’re done!

I think it's cheeky to ask if a sibling can attend a party they haven't been invited to. I definitely wouldn't be supplying food and party bags for them.

@Usernumber37374737985
We went to many parties where a parent was on the door with a clipboard, welcomed the child, checked re any allergies, confirmed contact number and informed of pickup time,
Job done. Absolutely no need to have hall full of parents and younger siblings when kids are 7-8 yrs old!

I think it’s cheeky to expect siblings to eat/ receive party bags if they haven’t been specifically invited but many do- I’ve had personal experiences of this!
Can also depend on the type of party. If it’s a village hall type event where all kids can get involved, then it’s probably expected a lot more.
If you can’t bring yourself to ignore the “extras” then a small bag of haribo or slice of cake should ease your conscience.

Also if the younger siblings attend no doubt they'd want to join in the games (presuming you're having them)? Musical statues, musical bumps, pass the parcel with toddlers - nightmare!

Unfortunately there's always pee takers who see a party as a family afternoon out & ofc parents with no other childcare & who don't want to dump there 7yo on you, which is the other option.

We ditched party bags as a result of this & went for a huge piñata instead & gave all DS a party bag to fill themselves when the piñata spilled its contents. We found the little siblings don't do so well with how much they manage to pick up, but are happy with what they do get. We made ours with layers paper & glue & a huge balloon to build it on. It was a fun craft project for DD ahead of the party too, but you can buy them easily. We Filled it with sweets, glitter, & little toys, hair slides etc & balloons

What happens here is that once kids are in P1 (so 5) the invite says "drop off". That way it's clear to everyone that the event is only for the invited kids. If any parent needed to stay they would ask the host, same with siblings etc. Also very few people did whole class parties past P1. It's just too crazy and I guess with Covid numbers were restricted.

I think it is the rudest thing ever to bring a sibling.

I wouldn't provide party bags, food or cake for siblings.

I wouldn’t provide party bags for siblings. I made it clear when people turned up with siblings that I had only enough party bags for guests. The cheeky fuckers bringing siblings are the same people who never host a party for their DC. My favourites were the ones who dropped their DC off included the uninvited then fucked off for a couple of child free hours.

Sorry didn’t vote, couldn’t understand what the vote was for.

I would only do party food and party bags for the children named on the invitation. It's really presumptuous of people to assume they can bring siblings. Fine if the sibling is in a pram or maybe too young to join in and just wants to sit on mum's lap. You can't stop the sibling joining in though assuming it's a village hall set up with an entertainer. I would just email anyone who has said they're bringing a sibling and let them know (so they can manage their own child's expectations) that they're welcome to join in the games but you won't be feeding them or doing a party bag for them. Some people are beyond cheeky. I get that for some it's a child care issue. I don't mind people bringing a sibling along for that reason but not then expect the sibling to get the full party experience!

I'm wondering how you're policing the food so the siblings don't get any?! Unless you do individual food boxes surely there's just food and people help themselves?

I'm not policing the food? My op said food is not the issue as will make plenty ☺️

my concern is with having enough tparty bags and cake!

Oh sorry I should have clarified my post wasn't aimed at you but at pps who had said they wouldn't feed siblings. Fwiw I'd only give cake to invited guests unless I had a huge one. But I think you do need a made one rather than shop bought one for a big party, and then you probably would have enough. I had one made for my los party and managed to give out about 25 pieces using less than half. Google how to cut a cake for parties, don't do pizza slices!

I’d put ‘Sorry, we don’t have capacity for siblings’ on the invitations. At 7, it’s a drop and leave situation, so no child care issues as mum/dad can just drop and go. I feel it’s the height of cf to expect siblings to be accommodated. If parents tried to stay and eat the food, I’d be really cross.