Family homophobia

[TyneTortoise]

NC for this.
Family member cof DP is homophonic. Says things like ‘gay people should be sent to concentration camps’. And his family half heartedly shush them but they don’t seem to really think it’s a big issue.

Worst part is they are very good friends with a gay neighbour?

I’m disgusted. Not only am I bisexual but also from a country where ‘re-education’, death penalty for being gay still exists. I’m also wondering whether they are actually racist too but pretending to like me

YABU - right to be uncomfortable and should speak up
YANBU - oppositeklo

Wouldn't surprise me. Those who love to hate will hate any group who doesn't fit their own narrow parameters of "acceptable human", and that's usually people who are just like them.

is this a cousin of your partners? I would go nc / very low contact with the lot of them frankly - they don't sound like very nice people and I think anyone reasonable could understand why you'd be uncomfortable.

I'm a little confused by the voting options I voted YANBU on the following logic...

YANBU - To be uncomfortable - They are (incredibly) unreasonable to think anyone really should be sent to concentration camps, whether you tell them so or just avoid them in future is up to you.

I'd have nothing to do with them, and I'd be questioning why your partner is putting you in the position of being exposed to that sort of hatred.

I'd call them out on their disgusting attitude first though. It really irritates me when people just turn a blind eye.

There were cases in Germany and occupied countries during WW2 where people who were Nazi sympathisers and anti-Jewish maintained friendship with a Jewish person they had known and did not denounce them. Individual friendship with an identifiable individual triumphed over a general feeling to a group.
How does that person treat you?

Can you separate your personal reaction from that persons attitude to the group of which you are a member?

They don't think its a big issue that he thinks gay people should be sent to concentration camps? I wouldn't want to spend time with any of them quite frankly.

Worst part is they are very good friends with a gay neighbour

I don't think it's unusual for bigots to tie themselves in knots trying to square their illogical and untenable prejudice with their actual experience of the world.

My parents-in-law are racial bigots. They were in full flight on the subject of how evil, depraved and rapacious Muslims are, and how they’re all in on a plan to bring down Western civilisation.

I said, “You remember my best man, Ravi? He’s Muslim.”

“Oh, well – no. We don’t mean Ravi. He’s one of the good ones. Lovely chap. No, no – we’re not talking about Ravi.”

“Right. So by some outrageous cosmic alignment, the one Muslim you’ve ever actually talked to is a fine bloke, salt of the earth, and you’re very happy for him to be your son-in-law’s best mate. But all the others – specifically apart from Ravi – are evil, depraved and rapacious and they’re all in on a plan to bring down Western civilisation.”

“Well, this it. That's the problem. That’s how these people work, you see…”

Does your relatives neighbour know they want them in a concentration camp?

I think you could ignore it but it'll eat you up. I'd take nothing to do with this person at all. It's malignant thinking, "ordinary " homophobia is bad enough but this is disgusting. By ordinary I mean your normal day to day bigotry which plenty of people ignore also.

Also disgusting that he is comfortable enough with the family to spew out this hate, clearly their reaction isn't doing enough to "shush him".