To think nursery shouldn't be using my child's clothes for other children?

[Clothing1]

So this has happened a few times and I'm not sure whether I should let it go or say something.

We have an app where pictures get uploaded from the day for parents to view. My son goes to nursery twice a week and I leave a coat there for him, I don't bother bringing it back and forth when he goes so it stays there on his peg all week for use when he's in and he has another at home for there. It has his name in it.

I've noticed recently that on pictures when my son isn't there another child will be in his coat, I know it's his because it has a mark on it which is noticeable. This can be when they go to the park etc... So possibly getting dirty when the children are playing.

AIBU to find this annoying and to ask nursery not to use his coat for other children? I'm not made of money and if it gets ripped or dirty when worn by another child I don't want to have to pay to replace it.

It's on his peg (they have one each) and has his name in so I don't believe it's just a mistake. I'm assuming other children forget their coats sometimes so they just use my son's as a spare when he's not there.

Asking to not share your son's coat is not being that parent OP. I say this as an experienced teacher and pre school lead.

Tbh if it's seen left in nursery all the time they probably think you've donated it or it's a spare. It's unusual to not take coats home as usually in weather where coat is needed dc will arrive and leave in one. Just bring it home

Why should she? If it's easier for her to leave it there? Leaving it on his peg does not automatically give the nursery the right to use it.

If course they don't think it's been donated as a spare.

It's pretty common to leave things like coats, hats and wellies at nursery rather than take them every day.

You won't be that parent OP, it's a perfectly acceptable thing to be discussing with the nursery.

Yanbu - however although the correct thing to do would be to talk to nursery, the more British way is to take it home with you and quietly simmer with resentment as you walk it to and from nursery everyday. I hate confrontation so that's probably what I'd do.

Just have a chat to the nursery. There's no need to make a big hoohaa about it. Just say "I've noticed in the photos that you put ds's coat on other children, please don't"

You shouldn't have to hide it in a bag or bring it home etc.

It isn't big enough. It's only a small children's bag

We'll just buy a bigger bag 😂

Your making it harder than it needs to be

Honestly I wouldn’t mind, children being cold or using a coat I bought for a brief time. I would rather the latter.

he will grow of it in no time, He is hardly going to get the wear out of it in the brief time he’s using it at nursery. When outgrown I would donate it and offer to do so with other stuff.

I would think if you left it on the hook, you were happy for anyone to use it.

Would you prefer your child to be left behind on an outing or wear another kid's coat if you'd forgotten yours?

YANBU.

We had this with DD when she was in one particular room in nursery. The staff had a very communal laissez-faire approach that used to drive me (and many other parents) mad.

If one child was without or didn't have they used other children's that did... nappies, wellies, coat, spares etc. It came to a head when I had taken in a full box of nappies for DD (all marked up like they asked) and about ten days later they contacted me to say she had no nappies. Upon questioning how it was possible for one eighteen month old to get through 80 odd nappies in ten days it transpired the staff had 'borrowed' a few for other children who had run out.

80. Nappies. She went twice a week.

I made a complaint and she moved up rooms very quickly after. This had come after multiple spares had been lost, wellies were scuffed and coat was sent home dirty etc. I downplayed it at the time as I still had undiagnosed PND but I get hot rage thinking about it.

Fuck the misogynistic rhetoric of being 'that parent' you are 'that parent' because that is your child and if you don't speak up for your child who will? Go in and say 'I don't want my son's coat being used as a spare.' Simple. He deserves a clean, nice coat that is his and his alone.

The nursery aren't doing you a favour, you pay an extortionate amount of money for him to be looked after in your absence. You provide clothing etc for your son - not anyone else's! This is clearly a matter that someone doesn't bring a coat so either the staff need to be onto the parent of that child if it is always the same one or they need to source some spares. Either way, your coat is not for communal use.

Who would think that? That's like saying if you left something on your desk at work you would be happy for it to be communally used.

Beyond that, this isn't an outing this is every day. I'm sure she also wouldn't prefer for her son to be sent on an outing in a coat that has a rip or is dirty because it has been used throughout the week by multiple children in his absence.

If there was a choice between a child being cold or not being able to go outside I'd be happy for an unused coat to be put on them for a while.
If you don't want this to happen, take the cost home.

Every day? Where do you get that from @Bootothegoose?

I think if the OP doesn't want the nursery using it, she needs to put it in a bag or take it home.

And yes, if I leave pens, staplers etc on my desk, I fully expect other people to use them. And take my brolly if it's raining.

Do you have a big sticker on your stapler saying 'PROPERTY OF BOOT. DO NOT USE' or something?

Take it home. We have a backpack for nursery and so though there are about 3 of us who interchangeably take and pick up, and not necessarily the same person on the same days, it is never forgotten. It's a coat just for nursery and the bag travels with her

@Bootothegoose That is OUTRAGEOUS!
Did they replace the ones they stole? Or did you end up sending in a new box? And if so, did they continue to steal from your box?

Or they could just not use it? 🤣 Why do I need to purchase another bag so that my son's coat isn't used by someone else?

I'd think it were my fault for forgetting his coat.

Comparing like for like, I leave a cardigan on the back of my chair at work. No I don't expect someone else to wear my cardigan if I'm not there. Me leaving it there isn't an invitation for other people to wear it, what a weird thing to do. Other people in my office do too and I'd never just think 'oo look, Karen has left her coat at work so it must now be a communal coat'.

Would people honestly wear colleagues clothes just because they'd left them?

No of course not.

But people have said bring it home, put in bag but you said it won't work as you'll forget it etc. which I'm assuming will have been the case for the child wearing your sons coat, which no doesn't make it right but your going to have to change something?

Your just going to have to ask them not to.

I can't say I'd agree here. Leaving your own personal items in your own designated area when you're not there doesn't mean you've left it there for anyone to use. I certainly wouldn't expect someone to take my spare coat from the staff room to go have a smoke outside (grown up equivalent of a child getting it covered in mud/ripped) It still remains my property even when left somewhere.

Op, tell the nursery not to use his coat on others. Buy a drawstring bag with his name on (cheap as chips on eBay) and put it inside to be left on his hook.

Asking nursery not to lend your child's property to others without permission is not being "that parent". Just politely mention it.

And suppose they sent the other child home in it? You might have trouble getting it back.

I've said I'll put it in a carrier bag as suggested. I'm not jumping at the idea of making a drawstring bag or buying a new one.

Buying a second bag specifically for the coat shouldn't be required but it does keep your items that little bit safer. When DD (now 12) was in nursery there was an altercation between parents. Mum A sent her daughter in in new Converse high tops. They change out of them into their nursery shoes and the Converse were left in her box under her coat for the day. Come home time she couldn't find them but saw a mum leaving with a pair of identical Converse in her hands. She stopped her and asked if she'd mistakenly picked her DDs up. The other mum tried to claim her DS had that pair and they must be his. Despite him having his home shoes on and nursery shoes there so unless he came wearing two pairs, they obviously weren't his.
Another friend only had designer clothes for her DS. He often came home without his coat/hoodies/hats etc and she'd see kids from his class in them round town (tiny town) even though his name was in them all.

Nurseries can and do have thieving shit parents going so you should be protecting your property as much as possible even if it means chucking a coat inside a bag with your DS's name emblazoned on in huge lettering to reduce the risk of sticky fingers being caught going in it.

Oh and would I rather see a child go cold because they don't have a coat? No. I'd rather nursery dealt with the issue by keeping the child in or using a nursery coat and phoning the parents to ensure they provide adequate clothing for THEIR child.

And suppose they sent the other child home in it? You might have trouble getting it back.

Some posters would probably say that was the OPs fault for leaving it there or that the other child was probably more in need of the coat.

Hopefully using a carrier bag will help buy I would definitely still mention you've noticed what's been happening and you just want to reiterate that you don't want others using his coat.