18 year olds and board

monsterultra · 2022-07-03T15:16:17+00:00

Just wanting some opinions and whether I'm being unreasonable or not about my 18 year old daughter and her boyfriend-paying board. For probably the last 2 months he has pretty much been living here. They've been doing their A-Level exams. He wants to move in permanently. He is going to a local uni is September and my daughter was but now wants to get a full time job. They both have part time jobs although he rarely goes to work and she calls in sick a lot. They have asked me how much board I will want now they are not in education. For context, I have my step son living here, aged 17, his Dad moved out in November. Also have 3 younger ones 12, 12 and 9. I have asked for £150 each a month if they are working full time. This equates to £34 a week each. They eat more than this. Is this unreasonable? Obviously in September if he goes off to uni and she's goes back into education then I will re-asses. What are peoples thoughts? Thanks.

TheMagicPudding · 03/07/2022 16:27

I think you're mad letting him move in in all honesty! You've got your hands full as it is and they both sound unreliable!

I'm not sure how you're really going to feel charging your daughter to live in your home and potentially not charging her boyfriend anything at all if he's committed to full time studies. There's going to be some resentment building up for you and probably for your daughter too! Is she going to make up the difference for a fully grown adult male making use of the facilities and food in the house? I think you're generous but this sounds like a recipe for disaster unfortunately!

Fairislefandango · 03/07/2022 16:33

In your position I absolutely would not charge my dd board if she were in ft education and I absolutely would not let her boyfriend move in. Not a chance!

autumnboys · 03/07/2022 16:40

Your daughter isn’t in FTE. Her boyfriend’s choice to go to a local Uni are not your responsibility. He’s presumably going to have some form of loan.

I would look at the going rate for a double bedroom in a shared house, plus consider their split of the utilities. You can obviously vary this as you see fit, but work it out so they know. I would give it to them as a joint cost and let them work out how to split it. Set aside a cupboard in the kitchen and a shelf in the fridge for them and let them buy for themselves and cater for themselves. Or charge them their actual share
of your food bill if that suits you better.

All this is assuming that you’re happy for him to move in. Is there a reason he doesn’t want to stay at home, which was presumably his initial plan.

Original poster

monsterultra · 03/07/2022 16:50

Ok so, he is here 90% of the time anyway. If not more. I would charge him even if he is at Uni, he's not my responsibility. I already have my stepson and receive no maintenance for him from his dad or his mum but he's 17. My daughter is likely to get a full time job and not be in education.

I'm asking for board because they take the mick. They eat everything, have friends over and quite often I end up paying for the car insurance and fuel that sees them running here, there and everywhere.

They do help, sometimes have the kids so I can go out with my boyfriend (he doesn't live here). Will do the food shopping or any other errands and do clean.

My question is am I asking to much? I don't want my daughter to move out, she has really serious mental health issues but I also don't want her to think working full time and living here is a free ride. Because as you can probably imagine this household costs alot to run! The rent on its own is £1400, we are lucky with the layout of the house and and added garden room everyone has there own bedrooms. Hope this clears up some questions!

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averythinline · 03/07/2022 17:03

Is that £150 each? They need to at least cover the cost of themselves..contribute to over heads do rent,_bills/ food etc or get them to sort own food..

Not sure why you're not getting anything for stepson either..

I would divide up all costs per adult..
Including stepson....they pay an adult cost each....him going to uni nothing to do with you...what's happening with his student finance??

Sounds like you're been taking for a complete mug by the parents of these 2 young men ....

respark321 · 03/07/2022 17:06

I'd say £200 each is fair.
When he's at uni he'll be getting a loan which can cover.
I paid this until moving out of my parents (I'm 23) this year.

HollowTalk · 03/07/2022 17:10

Why would you charge her boyfriend less he is costing you? You must be crazy! I wouldn't want him living there at all.

girlmom21 · 03/07/2022 17:10

I think you're undercharging tbh. I'd have gone for £200 a month each.

Birdy1066 · 03/07/2022 17:11

I think you’re being very reasonable, trying to do the right thing. Good luck and hope it works out.

NewYorkPleasecake · 03/07/2022 17:12

monsterultra · 03/07/2022 16:50

Ok so, he is here 90% of the time anyway. If not more. I would charge him even if he is at Uni, he's not my responsibility. I already have my stepson and receive no maintenance for him from his dad or his mum but he's 17. My daughter is likely to get a full time job and not be in education.

I'm asking for board because they take the mick. They eat everything, have friends over and quite often I end up paying for the car insurance and fuel that sees them running here, there and everywhere.

They do help, sometimes have the kids so I can go out with my boyfriend (he doesn't live here). Will do the food shopping or any other errands and do clean.

My question is am I asking to much? I don't want my daughter to move out, she has really serious mental health issues but I also don't want her to think working full time and living here is a free ride. Because as you can probably imagine this household costs alot to run! The rent on its own is £1400, we are lucky with the layout of the house and and added garden room everyone has there own bedrooms. Hope this clears up some questions!

Just don't pay the insurance and fuel?! They're taking the piss all round.

Ponderingwindow · 03/07/2022 17:15

Please don’t let your 18yo move in her boyfriend. Once he is there, the relationship becomes extremely serious. She won’t be able to end the relationship without taking away his housing. If they aren’t even old enough to be finding their own flat and financing their own lives, they are far too young to be skipping to co-habitation.

Original poster

monsterultra · 03/07/2022 17:23

Really long story RE stepson, I've bought him up since he was 2. He lived with Mum until last summer and moved in to go to a local college. Dad had an affair and left and he wants to stay here with me. Can't be doing with the arguments asking for any money for him TBH. CMS claim going through but exH is making it difficult.

We tend to all make meals together and they do take it in turns to cook. So doing separate shops would be a logistical nightmare, plus the kitchen being used 3 different times a night!

This is the last month I've paid insurance and fuel.

To the posters that are saying don't let him move in...they are serious and I'd rather they were here where I can keep my eye on them. They're both good kids.

The stepsons girlfriend is here a lot too but he probably stays at hers the same amount of time.

Also, I like them all being around. They're good company but they need to be paying for themselves if they're working.

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collieresponder88 · 03/07/2022 17:23

I wouldn't be having a step child when he has two other parents !! Also wouldn't be having the boyfriend stay there

girlmom21 · 03/07/2022 17:25

You sound fab OP. Your children and SS are very lucky to have you!

Ylvamoon · 03/07/2022 17:26

My DD is starting FT work in September.

I have given her a breakdown of ALL bills, 1/4 for each including council tax, basic food & Netflix 😁.

It comes to around £300.- she is happy to pay this from October and I think it's fair. I would give them a realistic amount, they need to know what things cost.
If you feel its to much, you can always safe some of it for when she moves out. We are lucky enough to do this, but DD won't know....

Original poster

monsterultra · 03/07/2022 17:30

collieresponder88 · 03/07/2022 17:23

I wouldn't be having a step child when he has two other parents !! Also wouldn't be having the boyfriend stay there

Step son moved in assuming his Dad would be here to go to the local college. He wasn't to know his Dad would have an affair and move out 2 months later. His life is here, why would I make him move out? We have a brilliant relationship and he respects me as a parent and me as a son. As I've said previously, my daughter has mental health issues. Her boyfriend is good for her and I'd rather she was here where I can keep an eye than anywhere else.

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Original poster

monsterultra · 03/07/2022 17:31

girlmom21 · 03/07/2022 17:25

You sound fab OP. Your children and SS are very lucky to have you!

Thank you. I like to think I try to do the best for all of them, and that includes teaching them the value of work and money.

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resuwen · 03/07/2022 17:33

collieresponder88 · 03/07/2022 17:23

I wouldn't be having a step child when he has two other parents !! Also wouldn't be having the boyfriend stay there

You wouldn't look after a child who you've cared for for 15 years, who has been abandoned by his own parents? Each to their own I suppose. I think you're doing a marvellous job OP. As DD and her BF will be earning, I agree that you should be charging a reasonable amount that reflects the extra you spend to house and feed them. Could you make an approximation of what this is? Certainly £150 each seems very low.

dropthevipers · 03/07/2022 17:42

monsterultra · 03/07/2022 16:50

Ok so, he is here 90% of the time anyway. If not more. I would charge him even if he is at Uni, he's not my responsibility. I already have my stepson and receive no maintenance for him from his dad or his mum but he's 17. My daughter is likely to get a full time job and not be in education.

I'm asking for board because they take the mick. They eat everything, have friends over and quite often I end up paying for the car insurance and fuel that sees them running here, there and everywhere.

They do help, sometimes have the kids so I can go out with my boyfriend (he doesn't live here). Will do the food shopping or any other errands and do clean.

My question is am I asking to much? I don't want my daughter to move out, she has really serious mental health issues but I also don't want her to think working full time and living here is a free ride. Because as you can probably imagine this household costs alot to run! The rent on its own is £1400, we are lucky with the layout of the house and and added garden room everyone has there own bedrooms. Hope this clears up some questions!

Asking too much? Not even close, even at mates rates. How much would it cost to rent somewhere else and feed yourself-more like 1000 quid a month, if you are lucky.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/07/2022 17:45

You sound very kind OP. I would calculate how much extra they cost so change to single person council tax to full council tax, divide the utilities by how many people live there and add their share and then similar for food and extras. Whatever you charge will be less than it would cost them to move out else where. You dont have to spend it either you could put some into a LISA for when your DD is ready to buy her own home.

However, if your DDs BF moves in it officially moves their relationship to a higher level, there is no escape from each other at a time when they are both changing and developing as young adults. With MH difficulties this probably isnt great for her as if she wants to break up with him shell feel she cant as he lives there. So make sure you have a chat with her to let her know that she can.

Peach27 · 03/07/2022 17:45

Echo it obviously shows what an amazing job you’ve done with you SS if he wants to stay with you! I reckon £150-200 each is reasonable. It could be worth doing a contract for expectations around people over, chores and what you and they will pay for. Maybe helpful to do a budget with them to show the deal they’re getting vs if they moved out and rented.

anon2022anon · 03/07/2022 18:18

If your daughter is going to be working full time, I would look at what a room in a shared house is and work from there. If you're generous enough to offer the boyfriend a place, then I would look at what a room in halls would cost- he will more than likely be getting a loan that's meant to cover cost of living.

Original poster

monsterultra · 03/07/2022 18:25

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Sometimes I feel like I'm running an uphill battle but I do manage on my own with at times 7 kids in the house! They already all have a jobs list and expectations..even the 9 year old and the boyfriend/girlfriend. I work full time as a teacher so if everyone doesn't muck in it goes to rat shit 😂😂 I will
Take all comments on board and work from there. Thank you again 😊

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