Do I need to give my DD ( two and a half ) more freedom ?

[justwonderingaboutthistoday]

I was at the airport yesterday with my daughter and at a quiet time ( late at night ) I allowed her to wander around ( without holding my hand ) for a bit. I was always two steps behind her and followed her everywhere. She soon found two kids who she went up to and started playing with..

The kids were with their family, I assume parents and grandparents. The parents started walking off at one point and the older child followed them, as did my DD. The younger one, just stayed behind, whilst the parents didn't seem to look back to see where she was. My DD was following them and I was keeping an eye on the little girl and her parents who were at this point really far away. They'd walked around corners etc, but just didn't seem concerned that their child ( smaller than mine ) was lagging far behind and climbing on chairs in a corner.. I would say at one point, they were walking a good 30 meters away from her without looking back at all. At a certain point, the girl shouted for her mum and started running towards where she could last see them and eventually caught up with them.

I was stunned. Not in a judgemental way at all, just that I started questioning whether I am too on top of my DD and maybe she won't learn how to be independent in public because I am always holding her hand.

It isn't the first time I have observed how other families are and have worried that I hold her too close and don't let her explore on her own. If I am always holding onto her, she might not learn that she should follow me / us and she also might not learn how to respond to danger ( like crossing the road etc. ).

My DD is really big for her age, so perhaps sometimes when I see these children walk around quite freely, not holding parents hands, they may considerably older. I saw a little boy yesterday and I thought he was my DDs age, but it turns out he was nearly 4.

I am just not sure how to go about practicing letting her free more in public,

I realise I probably sound like a complete dick. I just want to make sure I am not getting it completely wrong and will have problems later.

You sound fine, the other family sound distracted which is easily done, personally I think you should have half eye on your child and I would have checked that my little one was following but I'd cut them slack!

To me, it just seemed like they were all confident that she would follow them and all was OK. I really have no judgement for them in a negative way, I was more judging myself because I completely panic, even when I lose sight of her in my own garden! OTT !!

Watching with interest - my DS is the same age and I have wondered similar, especially when we have been in a park with friends and similarly aged DC. I have to hold his hand near ponds and streams, or he’d be in them. Friends DC were just wandering and knew to stay at the edge. Roads - I’ve been teaching him to stop at kerbs since he could walk confidently, but I still want him to hold my hand whilst he does it.

the situation you describe I wouldn’t be comfortable with, but part of that is about not wanting DC to annoy other people, as well as keeping them safe! Kids running around airports isn’t appropriate.

2.5 at an airport, they wouldn't be out of sight, and barely out of grabbing distance.

2.5 at a small, fenced, park, I'd make sure I could see the exit, but let them have space.

So, yes, I'd say you don't always need to be holding her hand, but only in safe places. And the airport isn't on of those places!

At an airport I'd keep them very close.
You can start 'letting go' in enclosed areas like a gated playground or a big field where they can't get into danger before you can get to them.
Away from roads you can start letting them go on ahead on paths etc and practice recall like dogs.

I think an airport, with locked doors and wide corridors at a quiet time of day would be fairly ok to let a child have some freedom. The parents probably knew exactly where the child was and what they were up to.

My mum worked at a local supermarket and finisheed at 8pm sometimes I would take DD to go pick her up, the shop would almost be empty and I would give her a lot more freedom (not on the alcohol aisle obvs) than I would on a busy Saturday, she would go and 'find the oranges' etc.

There is a time and a place for everything, near busy areas, roads and waterways young children should be holding hands and other areas you get to loosen the apron strings abit depending on the environment. As your DC gets more freedom you need to make sure that someone can contact you, I used to sharpie my phone number on DDs arm if we were going somewhere really busy we might get separated.

I tried letting her go in sainsburys the other day ( again two steps behind ) because I want to start practicing. She started running off and laughing because I was running after her and she thought we were playing chase.

Yes the airport was very quiet at this time and there was hardly anyone there or anything going on. I would still be terrified I would lose her.

Admittedly when I fly I dont go from somewhere like Gatwick, our local airport is tiny so perhaps I would give DD more freedom there than at a big airport.

At the park we would practise, you can run to that tree and then wait for me etc. You cant guarantee they wont suddenly dash off after a ball/ butterfly/cat they see across the road though.

You need to give her boundaries and start somewhere open not where shes going to hide inside the clothes railings (which apparently I did for 15 minutes once or so my mother loves to say).

So, in Sainsburys I might say to DD ' you can look at the toys but dont go past X and Y' then I would stand back and let her look.
Before going into any shop I would also bend down and remind her of my expectations. We are going to walk nicely, our feet are going to stay on the floor, if we cant see each other we go to the shop lady/man and ask for help etc. I would then get her to repeat it back to me, it became a routine and she knew the boundaries.

DDs is 12 now and we still set a meet up point if we get separated incase our phones are out of signal etc.

A 21/2 year old in a crowded place like an airport doesn’t need freedom. So really wouldn’t be worrying OP.