Stopping breastfeeding at 17 months

[peepshow97]

Looking for advice from seasoned breast feeders to help with my decision!

17m old DS has always been a boob monster and would feed all the time if I let him (I don't).

For about 2 months I've been strict in only allowing two feeds most days (one before bed and one early hours if he wakes after 4am but before 6.30am in the hope of getting more sleep).

Initially this worked really well. He stopped asking for boob overnight started self settling and I thought we had cracked it. We even had a few nights where he slept through! Which had never happened before.

But the last week we've gone backwards again and he's waking crying hysterically for milk at night, clawing at me, refusing to lie down and go to sleep. My DH takes over and I go in the spare room but my DS will fall asleep for 10-15mins then wake crying again then fall asleep again and does this until morning.

We are both exhausted. My DH thinks I should just stop bf now completely - we are TTC #2 and bf is definitely hindering this process - he believes that DS is old enough now and he doesn't understand when he can/can't have milk, it's confusing for him and so he's waking asking for it.

I think I probably agree with him but I really wanted to keep that one bedtime feed as long as possible. I've adored breastfeeding and feel very sad to be at the end of our journey. My DS will sip milk from a cup but has never taken a bottle so I'm worried how we wound get a bedtime feed in to him.

Should I just stop? Would it make life easier? Any suggestions on how to give a bedtime feed without using a boob? Is it going to be hell?

I should note that we cosleep and are very happy doing so.

All and any advice welcomed :-)

Ah I’m sorry I can’t help if you want to keep co-sleeping. Good luck though!

If you’ve adored breastfeeding, why are you stopping? I hope it’s not because you feel like you “should”.

You don’t have to. The WHO recommends at least two years and it’s not recommend to night wean until at least 18 months.

I’m still breastfeeding my 19 month old. Feeds every 2 hours and no plans to stop or even put limits on it. Will also be TTC soon.

@waveyourpompoms because I'm wondering if it'll stop the hysterical crying in the night - I'm not happy to feed on demand all night long any more so DS is only getting a bedtime and morning feed but he's upset all night asking for milk. Wondering if it's confusing for him and if it would be better for him if I just stopped completely.

I think the second feed is probably the issue, he knows he can have milk when he wakes in the night so he asks for it, then is annoyed when you sometimes refuse and sometimes agree.

we dealt with this by putting ours in her own room and night weaning. Dad did nighttimes for a few weeks and she slept through for the first time after about 3 days.

I think it might be trickier for you since you want to keep bed sharing but I think you can keep the bedtime feed going if you want to, so long as you are firm about stopping nighttime feeds.

@Carlichimp thank you.

I was considering doing the bedtime feed downstairs, and basically stopping that early morning feed completely so DS never gets fed in our bed so he stops associating it with milk.... but not sure if that will work.

Basically I want him to have a bedtime feed but I don't want to breastfeed him at any other time it probably does sound unreasonable but that's just how I feel now.

Sippy cup of milk downstairs.
Milk with cereal for breakfast.

My 16mth old hasn't been fed in bed since she was a baby, bed is for sleeping.
Try and do a new routine....we obviously brush her teeth before bed and then Story. I still cosleep too and she quickly adapted to the new routine when we stopped bf and bottles.

Hey OP, my sympathies, sounds tough for you and your DH.

I’ve just recently finished breastfeeding my 2 yo and also fed her brother to 2 yrs.

What worked for me both times was to drop the night feed first, then the after nap feed and the last one to go was the first-thing-in-the-morning feed. That feed only happened when it was time to get up for the day no matter what time DD actually woke up.

from my experience, this is the age when the guys do have to step in in order to help night wean - my husband has been responsible for all night wakings for the last 9 months. Yes this means he got less sleep when DD was waking more, but I’d done about 15 months of all the night feeds so I didn’t feel too guilty!

In terms of the night feed, at 17 months there’s no real need for it? Unless you’re feeding to sleep? I always just give warm milk in a cup and DD drinks as much as she wants.

I strongly believe that there’s no right or wrong ways to do things - you have to listen to yourself and your baby’s needs. So don’t be forced to stop bf if you’re not ready!

Do the Jay Gordon method during the night (cuddle her through her tears but no milk) and keep the bedtime feed. I did this with both mine (first fed to 3 and the second to 2). I think the bedtime feed is totally different to night time and they understand that “milk is for bedtime” and that’s it!

good luck