Smart phones good or bad for children/teenagers

[anon2334]

Hi,

My child is 9 and common to have a phone now. For a while she was on the phone playing games whilst talking on snapchat. Recently and For a good while she dropped that by herself. I was concerned at the number of kids who were saying to my 9 year old why you going to bed uts early at 9pm! On a school night. It takes My children a whole to drop off .

My concern is addiction to those phones for kods and teenagers. I drive past a bus stop and I mean every single teenager is glued to their phones and not chatting?! Its got worse since lockdown. I can't avoid my child having one as they do so eventually she will get a phone woth a similar card as i haven't got her a phone yet just a basic one with games and maybe chatting with friends but should schools do more on awareness and safety? We do our bit but online bullying and addiction is something I think schools should speak out about more ?

Big difference between a 9yo and 15yo....

Contraversially though it can be easier to regulate and instill good habits in a 9 year old than a 15 year old. If they are used to putting their phone in baskets and lettering you look at their phone from a young age its easier to carry on than suddenly start with a 12/13 year old.

Not great for kids as I had a friend who ended up in a situation where the children were sending each other pictures of their private parts. Child in question was removed from home but it does go to show that phone use does need strong monitoring and also some long winded conversations which many may be too young to understand. I would say 13 is an appropriate age, it’s also less likely to be damaged at that age. Some adults really shouldn’t have phones as there are many posts regarding how addictive phones and social media are for children but many adults are suffering the same fate.

parents who allow unfettered access to the internet and apps until their child is mature enough to handle them are doing their child a disservice and storing up trouble
This with bells on.
We gave our child access to a smartphone in year 6. It wasn't her phone and she didn't have it with her most of the time.
She got her own phone when she started high school. They are very useful and do play a big part in the social side of life.
Our rules - we always have to know the passcode and the phone has to be surrendered for inspection at any time without fuss. Neither of these rules were remotely negotiable.
Limited package of data. Access to WiFi at home.
We were quite strict with apps. No Snapchat, no tiktok, no Reddit, Discord or Tumblr. WhatsApp was allowed but friends only and no class groups.
She has had insta since she was 14 and is very limited in who she lets follow her. She's only just started using Snapchat but asked us first.
She's had access to Pinterest through my account until she was mature enough to browse more widely and shares an apple sign in with her Dad.
We pointed out this was actually a good way to avoid bullying and people are unlikely to send you shit if your Dad's going to see it.
But most of all we talked about the fact that there's a lot of stuff on the internet that might be unpleasant and distressing and you don't want to accidentally stumble across it. We said she could always talk to us if she saw something that made her uncomfortable,etc.
Kids are curious and despite this she did fall down some rabbit holes, but this has made her trust our advice!

my 11yo (12 in September) has just got one in this final half-term of year 6, to keep in touch with friends who'll be going to different schools in July. She has no social media other than WhatsApp, which is checked nightly. TBH I'd prefer no social media at all, but unfortunately there is a tipping point beyond which they miss out socially if not on it, so heavily monitored whatsapp is my compromise.

Parental controls on everything, phone out of the bedroom especially at night. Phone curfew of 8.30 ahead of 9pm bedtime. And I think if you as a parent are not ready to have a very frank conversation with them about porn and sexting then they're not ready to have a phone.

We do our bit but online bullying and addiction is something I think schools should speak out about more?

DD's primary school begged parents not to give their primary school kids a phone as they had to spend so much time dealing with the fallout in school, but parents thought they knew better...

Do not give your 9 year old a phone.

I spend so much time telling my secondary classes that they 100% should not have their phone in their bedroom at night but they insist they need it as an alarm clock/to listen to music to fall asleep. They end up chatting all night to their mates.

Parent should be insisting that teens leave their phones downstairs at night to charge. They don't listen there either though.

You are not wrong. Mobile phones are addictive and evoke the same reward/motivation pathways in the brain as any other addiction; shopping, drugs, gambling etc although I suspect many who vote YABU would balk at the thought of allowing their children access to these substances/activities. They negatively impact brain development and more seriously, emotional regulation. I would expect to see rocketing rates of ASD/ADD/ADHD as this generation reaches adulthood. Problems with emotional regulation are going to impact EVERY area of their life and, importantly, those they come into contact with. In addition, it's really just a tool for children to be groomed for profit, hence that handy addictive element. Our society should be thoroughly ashamed at our failure to protect children from this menace.

We gave ours phones in the last month of year 6. Most parents did it then, after sats, so they could arrange contact and stay in contact with friends that were going off to different schools.

It was an easy age to put in rules and good habits. The main ones being a charger station downstairs overnight, general chores and homework take priority, and no phones at the dinner table.

Mine went to a secondary by bus... the online tickets are cheaper than paper ones, they need to know how to use the apps properly before starting. That built good charging up habits too. Prepaid (by mum) bus tickets, or having to use the emergency fiver that you get for pocket money at the weekend - because you used all your charge on crap.

Even if most kids have them at 9 (hopefully not!), that doesn't mean you have to let yours. Mine weren't allowed them until they went to secondary school.

Our charger station was for us too... we model the behaviour we want to see.

I'm the one who previously commented to delaying a smart phone and playing it by ear. I imagine she will have one before she is 15!!
Luckily pretty much all of my dds circle of friends have parents who are like minded with phones, so I doubt she'll be missing out on any socialising via WhatsApp groups while she's 11/12.
They can stick to old fashioned text messages and phone calls to start with.

My son's secondary school has banned smart phones and they enforce it harshly. If they find a kid with one they confiscate it til the end of term. He's now 14 and still doesn't have one. Neither does my 11 year old (at a different more permissive 2y). Neither is really bothered now. They have dumb phones for emergencies and each have a laptop

If it is practical, I'd have schools either ban them from being brought on the premises or locked in a locker during the day.

I don't know if Monsieur Macron went through with the proposal, he proposed banning them in schools.

At the end of Y6 they need WhatsApp to keep in touch with their friends - but it needs monitoring.

Any other social media is madness. I absolutely despair of the parents allowing their young kids onto tiktok etc. It's just bad, lazy parenting.

9 year olds don't need phones. 10 or 11 year olds in my opinion may do if they are walking home from school alone, going to the park with friends etc. I know we all did it without phones but it makes life so much easier and less scary. At secondary school they would seriously be a social pariah without a phone. Parents can and should restrict use eg at night, restrict use of social media etc. A friend of my 14 year old isn't allowed WhatsApp and misses out on over half the conversations between the friendship group as a result.

9 years old? Have her 'plant' it in the garden and some new pencils/ lego / dolls/ marbles/whatever she likes can grow instead.... something she's actually old enough for.
Absolutely no way would I give a 9 year old a basic phone, not alone a smartphone. Get her a basic phone when she starts secondary school. She can have a smartphone when she's old enough to buy one with her own money. Even at secondary school they're not really mature enough to handle it.

How do they "get away" with confiscating valuables for such a long time?

I assume the parents sign up to school policy so it is agreed?

Hi,
Yes to go to the school (it's a state school, which was taken over by a strict C of E academy trust) you have to sign an agreement. Obviously, you don't actually have a choice but there is paperwork saying you agree.