1st birthday etiquette

[Clairejay34]

Dd2s first birthday is coming up and we are thinking of going for a meal in the afternoon with close family to celebrate it. However close family (parents, siblings and their partners and kids) is 25 people!! So my question is aibu to ask people to pay for their own meal? Should we be paying for everyone?

If we were just going with a handful of people we would pay but due to the amount of people its going to cost us around £500, which we just can't afford at the moment due to me being on mat leave and a recent house move, and also the increased cost of living.

I know my family won't mind at all and we always split the bill for things like this, but when we are invited to a birthday meal with the inlaws they always pay (we do offer but they always decline) however they are a lot better off than us financially.

For DD1 we just had a party in the house but due to the amount of people that were there and people arriving late and staying very late I just found it too stressful so I said I wouldn't have that many people in my house all at once again.

We are going to a brewers fayre type place that also has a soft play..I will pay for all the kids to get in to the soft play. Its not overly expensive..maybe £20 per person for a meal.

So..
Yabu - you should pay for everyone since you have invited them.
Yanbu - it is normal for everyone to pay for their own meal.

I would just do invite for cake at your house at 3pm. Everyone can come
by for tea and cake in the garden

then take 1 year old yourselves to a local farm or zoo type place

Op do it at home but afternoon, and state a time on the invites, Saturday between 2 and 4 so they are long gone before bedtime. And don't offer dinner so they will leave.

You are being daft to do a restaurant for 25 people. And the 1 yo old getting passed up and down the table. That sounds horrendous.

It depends on your lifestyle. If when you invite people out you usually treat them I can see they might think your paying. But if you normally go for food together and split bill why would this be any different. It's funny some people saying your event you pay. Where I'm from (oop north) if you go out for someone's birthday usually your friends/family cover cost of your meal or get you drinks as well as paying for themselves. If my friend invited me out for her 30th I would not assume for one second it was her treat. It's her birthday!!

Just another comment to add doing the hall is a good idea as you hire the hall for a specific time so those that turn up late can't just stay late like if you have it at your house 😀
There's all sorts of kid equipment you ca hire too, bouncy castle, ball pits, ride on toys, those big soft play building blocks.

I agree a hall is a great idea that way people can't outstay their welcome, you could even hire some soft play equipment, say you are providing tea, coffee and soft drink but if anyone wants a drink they are welcome to BYOB. Morrisons do some great value party platters as well.

I remember going for meals at a place like this with young children. The kids whine constantly to go in the soft play, including when everyone is eating. You buy them food they don't want, everyone is pissed off and honestly the food is usually quite shit anyway.

Do the hall thing or go for a picnic.

Re paying for meals.
I've never been out for a meal and expected the host/inviter to pay for me. I have one friend whose parents always insist on paying if we see them and my in-laws too but that's it.
I find it a really strange expectation and one that I've only ever seen on mumsnet. So whilst I implore you not to go to the restaurant, if you do there should be no expectation for you to pay.

I wouldn't do this for a 1st birthday tbh, it's not very kid friendly even if there is a soft play so it's essentially a pointless expense.

I would go for a picnic.

I would go for a hall, maybe find one with an outdoor space and just get picnic food and a cake.

Check that it starts after nap times otherwise you have tired children. Friend's did their 1st birthday party at 2pm, middle of nap time and it was awful.

I think going for dinner for a child's birthday is over the top until they are a lot older.

However much your family love your little one they won’t want to attend a 1 year olds birthday party. It’s far more important to you, as it should be than it is to them.

People say this a lot on here tbh but I don't think it's true at all.

I wouldn't make it a huge event but I've never known anyone be totally uninterested in a family members 1st birthday to the point they actively don't want to go (unless they dislike their family), it's just an excuse to all meet up if nothing else. People on MN are overly dismissive about 1st birthdays.

Agree @aSofaNearYou. I wouldn't be offended to not be invited if the organisers had gone for something small, but if I were invited to a 1st birthday party by family or a close friend I'd definitely want to be there (and wouldn't mind paying my own meal in OP's scenario).

For me it's when they reach school age and have full class parties in soft play areas that I lose interest in attending