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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ro worry re DD eating habits

18 replies

Cocomelt · 02/07/2022 22:16

I'm worried about DD's recent change in eating habits, but I'm not sure if it is completely normal for her age or if I am right for worrying.

DD11 is about to go up to high school & has just completed her transition week, which is how this has all come to light.

For the last few months DD has been coming home complaining school meals are a bit rubbish & she hasn't eaten much, so I offered packed lunch & offered to get whatever she fancied. She turned this down multiple times, so I assumed she was just being a bit ott with how bad school dinners were, otherwise she'd want pack up, right? Her school have also recently started providing a breakfast item every morning, so she hasn't been having breakfast at home as she loves this particular breakfast item they are providing.

Fast forward to the last week (transition week) - DD wouldn't eat breakfast before school, so I picked up some breakfast bars for her to take. She wanted pack ups for this week so I got exactly what she asked for & gave her dinner money incase she changed her mind when she got there.

I emptied her school bag friday evening to find 3 days worth of pack up, she's eaten a bag of crisps or biscuit bar at the most each day, she's not even had the breakfast bar. Now I'm starting to wonder how long this has been going on for! She hasn't spent the money either.

She's eaten her tea with me every night & had snacks before & after tea.

Is this normal for her age? Or do i need to be taking this seriously? I'm really worried as she used to eat so much! I'm talking 2 breakfasts, snacks, lunch, more snacks etc. She's a very self concious girl, but is average weight/size for her age.

She's away this weekend so she doesn't know I've found the left over pack up. When I quizzed her about the breakfasts she just kept saying "I'm not hungry"

Help!

OP posts:
DarlingDarwin · 02/07/2022 22:17

If she’s not losing weight I wouldn’t worry.

Original poster
Cocomelt · 02/07/2022 22:19

DarlingDarwin · 02/07/2022 22:17

If she’s not losing weight I wouldn’t worry.

She does look slimmer, but she's been more active too. I haven't weighed her for a long time to know if she is losing weight.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 02/07/2022 22:20

I would take it seriously. If she’s actually not hungry, that’s worrying. If she’s hungry but choosing not to eat, that’s worrying. Over the summer, try to make sure that everyone eats together and that she understands why it’s important for her to be eating real food at meal times.

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 02/07/2022 22:22

If it's warm, and she is busy, she may be eating less. I wouldn't worry too much yet... maybe offer her a bowl of cereal in the evenings?

Original poster
Cocomelt · 02/07/2022 22:25

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 02/07/2022 22:22

If it's warm, and she is busy, she may be eating less. I wouldn't worry too much yet... maybe offer her a bowl of cereal in the evenings?

This is what she's having. She's generally having a snack when she gets home (fruit/yoghurt), tea, then cereal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cocomelt · 02/07/2022 22:30

bridgetreilly · 02/07/2022 22:20

I would take it seriously. If she’s actually not hungry, that’s worrying. If she’s hungry but choosing not to eat, that’s worrying. Over the summer, try to make sure that everyone eats together and that she understands why it’s important for her to be eating real food at meal times.

This is my thought process, if she's suddenly not hungry, then why? If she'd not been such a big eater before then I might not have been so worried.

Great idea re sitting together, we always sit together for tea but we should do it for breakfast too. I will try that next week.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 02/07/2022 22:34

Could be I’m too anxious to eat?
I would tackle it as she needs the energy throughout the day. Up to her if it’s school lunch, packed lunch, breakfast with you or cereal bar. But she needs the fuel to see her through the day.

Duvetdweller · 02/07/2022 22:37

My DD has never been particularly interested in food. She eats nothing til she gets home
from school at 330, then she eats loads, then has
tea about 6.30 and maybe chocolate about 9. Its
odd but it works for her

Original poster
Cocomelt · 02/07/2022 22:38

Wolfiefan · 02/07/2022 22:34

Could be I’m too anxious to eat?
I would tackle it as she needs the energy throughout the day. Up to her if it’s school lunch, packed lunch, breakfast with you or cereal bar. But she needs the fuel to see her through the day.

Anxiousness had crossed my mind with the changes she's about to face at school. I did speak to her about needing the enegy but only breifly & if I'm honest I was a bit huffy as I just felt frustrated! We definitely need to have a good chat around why food is important.

OP posts:
Duvetdweller · 02/07/2022 22:38

Sorry just thinking as well - mine hate using the toilets at school so I think that’s a trigger

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 02/07/2022 22:46

I'd keep a very close eye on this. My dd started at a new school and there were lots of clues I'd missed. In her case she developed anorexia.

It could just be she's not hungry but 3 days of no lunch doesn't sound great. Can you speak to their pastoral teacher? My dds pastoral teacher alerted me to some of dd behaviours. (Over exercising in school eg running up and down the stairs over and over and not eating in school.)
My dd ate dinner and snacks at home but they were all in hindsight high volume but low calorie.

She was trying to be healthier which I supported but it just spiralled out of control.
I learned that eating disorders are not really about the food but about having control over their scary lives.
I hope it's just a blip and every settles down xxFlowers

User1639 · 02/07/2022 22:46

She's restricting I started about 11 or 12 trying to loose weight. packed snacks were something I found easy to eat BC they had the calories on them but sandwiches dont ect and I was raised to think that they weren't real food, I still are meals BC I wasn't eating during the day. I never developed an ed but have a difficult relationship to food still. please watch her

Original poster
Cocomelt · 02/07/2022 22:46

Duvetdweller · 02/07/2022 22:37

My DD has never been particularly interested in food. She eats nothing til she gets home
from school at 330, then she eats loads, then has
tea about 6.30 and maybe chocolate about 9. Its
odd but it works for her

Ahh really?! I think because we are such big eaters it's just taken me back.

Also re going to the toilet at school, that wouldn't suprise me! We had this issue about a year ago, she was holding it in all day! We got over that but maybe she's feeling conscious again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cocomelt · 02/07/2022 22:55

@User1639 I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Thank you for the insight, it's something I know nothing about.

@JesusSufferingFuck22 I'm so sorry to hear about your DD. I think phoning school would be a good idea actually. Hopefully they can give me an insight into what's going on at lunch time or they can observe her going forward.

I'm going to have a really good chat with her tomorrow & see if she gives anything away. Thank you so much all of you!

OP posts:
pimlicoanna · 02/07/2022 23:00

I'm an ex ED specialist. My advice is to weigh her. Just so you have a baseline and keep a close eye. It doesn't sound normal to me. It sounds like someone trying to avoid food for whatever reason.

User1639 · 02/07/2022 23:09

Just popped into my head that if it is ed behaviour she may feel caught and defensive and might start putting snacks she doesn't eat in the bin either in school or on her way home to try stop being caught again. If it is she isn't acting rationality and probably can't explain why hopefully it's just heat and stress ect

Theoscargoesto · 02/07/2022 23:09

Please keep an eye on her. Look at the Childline and B-eat websites, think about messages re food being fuel. Keep the lines of communication open so she knows, if she is having difficult feelings, she can talk to you. It might not be a problem. But if it is, early intervention is key (mother of anorexic). Better to keep an eye now and it be unnecessary than the other way around.

RadFad · 02/07/2022 23:09

I work in CAMHS Eating Disorders and I would take this seriously as these are early warning signs.
Contact school as suggested above is a great idea.
Can you find a way to reintroduce breakfast at home together as a thing?
Definitely weigh her and keep an eye over summer holidays. Early detection and treatment of potential ED has the best outcomes.

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