I feel awful for starting this thread but I need to have a bit of a moan! I’m starting to find my friend increasingly annoying and not sure how to approach it.
The first major problem is the constant need to validation. Friend knows full well she’s slim (posts pictures of herself in bikinis, short dresses etc) and posts pictures of her scale reading on social media. I think everyone should be comfortable in their skin and empowered etc However, in the same breath she’ll also say how much of a whale she is, and how she needs to lose x amount of weight. She’s 5 ft 3 and weighs about 8.5 stone? Although I’m not 100% certain as I’m not in her head, I really do not think this is an ED. I honestly think she just wants people to fawn over her.
Pretty much every conversation is about weight and her fishing for compliments. I used to think “being nice is free, give her the validation she needs” but it’s starting to become a pisstake. It’s becoming mentally draining listening to the constant fat bashing (she constantly rips into her DH’s family members who are overweight, saying some really nasty things about them). I’m not the slimmest, so I think maybe it’s bothering me because of my own insecurities. But it does make me think “well what do you think of me?”. I have pulled her up on it a few times when she’s saying how she looks like so big - I’ll say something like “I’m twice your size, if you’re big then I must be massive?”. She’ll then backtrack and say that I’m lovely.
I just don’t understand why she feels the need to message me about it all of the time? It seems like she’s going out of her way to get attention. As an example, she’ll put something on social media saying how she needs to tone up and lose weight, but then she’ll send me the same thing via message.
it’s not just weight, she’ll also humblebrag about everything, her child, her house, her car???!
Her child is a dancer, and in her eyes the best dancer in the world. But she’ll then mock other children who dance and say they’re rubbish. Even going as far enough as to message the parents of these children and say things like “my DD was doing that 5 years ago”, or “I don’t think your DC is quite ready yet”. She finds this behaviour funny too.
I think it’s hard for me to understand as I’m quite a modest person and I don’t really need external validation from people, and I’d feel so awkward fishing for compliments so obviously!
Another thing she does is complain about one thing to me, and then when I ask her a question to get a bit more information she’ll ignore the question and carry on complaining. It’s frustrating because I’m trying to help, but it comes across like she doesn’t want help/support but wants to be a martyr? I will give some genuinely good advice (along with listening to her rant) but she’ll bring the same problem up the next day, so clearly hasn’t done anything to try and resolve it.
the strangest thing is that she’s a qualified psychologist, so I’m really surprised that she doesn’t see that she’s displaying narcissistic (?) and attention seeking behaviour. Meanwhile she’s more than happy to secretly analyse other people on social media/her personal life and ‘diagnose’ them.
I hate sounding like a bitch and feel like a horrible person for complaining about my friend, but I’d rather do it on here than talk about her to someone in “real life”.
AIBU for getting increasingly frustrated with her behaviour?