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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP always Ill on a weekend

21 replies

Penguinparty88 · 02/07/2022 07:55

Just need some perspective really. I literally do everything around the home, get up most days with DS even if it's DP turn I just end up with him because I'm usually awake when DS wakes up, I do all the chores and do all the planning/ preparing and other general bits so am already put out by this, despite telling DP all of this very rarely does anything change he may hand washing out one time and then it goes back to the way things were. The last few weeks DP has been poorly one weekend he was in bed all weekend while I made sure he was ok, looked after him and did everything with DS and I didn't mind but when he then had a few more days off missing work but well enough to play PlayStation I had began to loose sympathy. Today was his turn to wake up with DS and he did, I then got up about 7.15 thinking I could have a leisurely morning brew make breakfast and he asked to go back to bed because he wasn't feeling great! I realised I had no sympathy and just said he needs to book doctors appointment as he always seems to be Ill. He's back in bed and I'm just feeling a bit annoyed, we have a very boring life, we work all week, usually he plays PlayStation of an evening and don't do much else, I try to go out do sports, walks, gym, make life a little more interesting. I'm just fed up and need perspective as I know I should have sympathy but yet I don't.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/07/2022 08:08

Was he well enough to drink last night ?

Zigzagzogoo · 02/07/2022 08:11

He sounds like a fucking arsehole! I'd probably take your dc out and leave him to it, and have a serious conversation at some point this weekend about how if he wants to opt of family life he's welcome to fuck off for good.

mewkins · 02/07/2022 08:11

I think he's trying to get out of childcare.

toomuchlaundry · 02/07/2022 08:14

Don’t make him any food this weekend as he must be too ill to eat.

How old is DS?

Accidentally lose the PlayStation controllers

Workinghardeveryday · 02/07/2022 08:16

It isn’t fair on you and so you are feeling resentful.

he will continue the same behaviour as you are letting him. Not in anyway saying this is your fault!

just saying he sounds lazy and can’t be arsed helping, if you continue to pick up the slack for him he will never change.

don’t do his washing, don’t cook tonight, leave housework until it causes him problems. He is acting like an irresponsible child, don’t allow him to…..

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 02/07/2022 08:20

He wants pre-child weekends where you get to lie in bed late then lounge about doing nothing. I mean I get it, my eldest is 9 and I still want those weekends but the reality is I have two DC and so it's not possible. Some people (I say people but I mean Men) really struggle with realising this.

Fireflygal · 02/07/2022 08:21

How old is your son?

I suspect he is just looking to opt out if childcare and chores. Agree a rota of shared tasks and then stick to it. Let him feel the consequences of not pulling his weight. However if his behaviour doesn't change then he leaving is the only option.

How old are you both?

Yodaisawally · 02/07/2022 08:22

Sounds like my bil. Can be be about to die from same strange illness during the day, can then get shitfaced and play Xbox all night and then be ill hungover the next day, and repeat. Why she puts up with it I don't know.

TheGriffle · 02/07/2022 08:25

You both work yet you do all the chores? What do you get out of this relationship apart from an inconvenient speed donor?

TheGriffle · 02/07/2022 08:25

*Sperm

stuntbubbles · 02/07/2022 08:32

The question is whether he’s actually poorly – I had a run of migraines recently, interspersed with a horrible cold, and morning sickness, and really did have to spend several weekends in bed while DP did it all, so it’s not impossible he’s ill – or is he:

• Knackered and stays up late every night playing PlayStation and never thinks “I should go to bed on time so I’m able to parent tomorrow”
• Hungover
• Crap at looking after himself, doesn’t eat fruit and vegetables or exercise, so has rubbish immunity

If it’s any of those, strip the bed, open the curtains and plonk DS in there to wake him up.

eldora · 02/07/2022 08:36

He is playing you for a mug.

Tell him it stops now. And dump him if stays lazy.

ComfyChairPose · 02/07/2022 08:37

Oh yes, very clever to be too sick to do any childcare.

Adversity · 02/07/2022 08:38

What’s the alleged illness?

something2say · 02/07/2022 08:43

Sounds like excuses to me. Which he's hoping means you can't argue with him.

So sad, so many men just believe deep down that homes and children are the woman's job. And he gets to make up a foolproof 'you can't argue with this' reason to keep you in what he perceives as your place.

BackToTheTop · 02/07/2022 08:45

Sounds like you're bored anyway op, illness or not. Time to sit him down and talk to him. If he chooses (yes chooses), not to engage or look at ways to improve them you've 2 choices, stay and understand this is your life, or leave

LampLighter414 · 02/07/2022 08:47

Did he pull his weight before having DS? If not, not sure why you thought it would be different

Mix56 · 02/07/2022 08:49

You could remind him, that if you were at work, or absent then he would have to pull his own nappy up , & get on with it.
I'd go out for the day, or w/e. Go & visit someone, find some fun things to do for DC.. cinema, swimming,
whatever,

Squareflair · 02/07/2022 09:08

No you shouldn't have sympathy for someone who is pulling your leg so they can opt out of their responsibilities as a parent and a partner. I suspect he genuinely was unwell the first time but then got a taste for it- as you say if he genuinely is poorly just at weekends he should get checked out to see what might be triggering it. Whilst it's important to support eachother would he honestly get up happily if you were feeling a bit poorly? I can guess.

AmaryIlis · 02/07/2022 09:11

What are the symptoms of his supposed illness? Does he have a temperature? Has he resorted to the Dressing Gown of Doom?

Snoken · 02/07/2022 09:42

He doesn't sound like marriage material, or father material. He sounds like a boy who should not have any resposibilities in life. Just make your own life for you and your child. I doubt he is actually ill, he just wants to do his own thing and if he says he is ill he knows you will leave him alone.

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