Who is unreasonable, me or my teen?

[RannisLord]

In our house we have one TV and one PS5. The PS5 is connected to the TV, so we can’t watch the big TV and play on the PS5 simultaneously (can watch Netflix/Disney+ on tablet/phone). Therefore, we take turns. Everyone is usually pretty good and chilled about sharing. Everyone except DS2.

DS2 gets home first and is normally home about 3 hours before the rest of us. That’s 3 hours he can spend watching TV or playing PS5 without anyone interrupting him. Sometimes he plays PS5 but sometimes he watches TV, and sometimes he does neither. However, on the days he doesn’t play PS5 he then expects to get a turn later in the evening.

I think this is unreasonable as he can use the TV/PS5 for those 3 hours he is home before us and he can choose either TV or PS5. He thinks this is very unfair as it means DS1 and DS3 get a turn on the PS5 and he doesn’t. He thinks he should be able to choose to have his turn later in the evening if he wishes.

Whilst I understand his point of view there simply isn’t enough time for all three DC to have a turn after we all get home on a school night. AIBU?

I can see why he’d want to join in when his brothers are playing, maybe offer him a couple of nights a week he can have it in the evening in return for an extra chore that day when he’s home alone?

Our Xbox is now in the living room on the main TV, we used to have a small playroom but had to change that to a more permanent office for WFH which has carried on for both DH and I. They get to play until dinner most days then we eat together and watch TV after. Occasionally they’ll ask to play in the evening for some event or other which is fine. We have another TV down in the kitchen if there’s anything anyone desperately wants to watch!

We do have a gaming PC but that’s in the office so they can’t use that in work hours only weekends. No TVs in bedrooms rule here too

Why are his brothers home later? If it’s because they’re in after school activities they’ve chosen, I can see why he’d feel it’s a bit unfair- why does them choosing to be at eg. football all afternoon mean they get to claim the PS5 in the evening, but him choosing to do something else at home doesn’t if you see what I mean?

YANBU - he has 3 hours when he can play uninterrupted....
However YABU to have this system of 1 TV

How old is he ? If he is playing with his friends online, are they doing their homework before they go online ?

Offer a choice...

30 mins, 3 evenings a week
OR 1hr/90mins 5 afternoons a week.

I don’t think he should have to use the PS5 on a schedule or not at all, he might just not feel like it earlier. I am not sure why it is a debate though, two TVs would fix it easily enough.

Why can't they play multiplayer games on weeknights? Or the casual type games which take just a few mins then switch over. We had lots of 2 player games for the ps4 and they (dc and exh) took turns playing against each other, my asd dd drew up complicated league systems of who was playing who and points for a win (very complicated when at Christmas 9 of us were involved playing gran turismo!)

Oh and mine didn't have TVs in bedrooms, got laptops for their 16th birthdays prior they shared a family computer in the office or bribed me to borrow mine (usually involving fetching me tea) if they both wanted to online game at the same time (they played in a league)

Yanbu, OP.

Most likely his friends won't play online games until the evening.

I'd put another TV in either the kitchen or parents bedroom, problem solved, everyone happier in the house.

3 hours is more than enough!!

If only! That’s a whole other thread but unfortunately he has to be nagged into doing it. I have suggested, more than once, it would be best to do it during this time.

We did the same as you.when they got to late teens they had PCs for gaming.

Get a second tv.
why can’t you put another tv in your room so you n DP can watch in there when u like and they can take turns on PS5 in the evening.
or get a second tv put it in one of kids rooms and hook the PS5 up to that under the condition they let other brothers come in and play.

DS2 goes to a school 10 miles away (we are rural) and DS1 and DS3 go to schools 15 miles away in the opposite direction (DS1 has SEN and goes to a special school). I work in that direction and my mum lives that direction so they both go there after school until I finish work.

But a second TV won’t help. The conflict isn’t between people wanting to watch TV versus playing PS5. It’s everyone wants to have a turn on the PS5.

There isn’t time for all three of them to have a decent turn every evening once we get home. So I think DS2 should have his turn before the others get home. Sometimes he does but sometimes he watches TV instead but then expects a turn later on.

Sometimes DS3 doesn’t want a turn so then it’s not a problem. Sometimes they do play multiplayer so then it’s also not a problem.

Why not just have allocated time? 30mins, 45mins, etc when they’re all there?

You need to work out a schedule with them and stuck to it. With a balance on multi player time and solo playing time.

So he gets 3 hours alone but can't play online with his friends as you don't have the online option? But there's also no option to play with his brothers either if they want to play a solo game or with each other as he's already had time to play alone?

Seems a bit lonely and unfair to me!

May I suggest that to end the disagreement, pop on your local Olio or Freecycle and see if anyone has a TV offered for free?
Just this week on my local Freecycle, there has been one 42" non-smart flatscreen and a 32" smart one too
They come up quite often now the 32" because everyone wants a behemoth TV the size of a cinema so they get rid of perfectly good smaller ones

I had some sympathy if you was waiting for friends onlone, but he isn't.

I think it is fair enough that they have to share. That's life!

So I would make a rota, and stick it on the wall next to the PS5. Each gets 2 hours (well, by default he gets 3 hours) and that is their ring fenced time.

2 hours gaming a night is plenty!

Yes with several kids I would choose your battles.

If it was me I'd 100% have the PS5 in another room with a separate TV. No way would I want teenagers playing the PS5 in the living room.. knowing how loud they can get. I love my peaceful time in an evening.

I'd be working towards a second console then in this case. A second hand PS could be the compromise - I understand you can't stretch to a second PS5 but there are plenty of used older ones out there.

With a couple of teenage boys, I think it would be nice to try and get a second one - maybe tie it in with a birthday/ Xmas gift

So I don't think they're unreasonable at all. They want what their friends have and that's normal

3 hours is too much gaming time for a schoolchild. You need to set boundaries and keep them.

@Murdoch1949 He’s not on the PS5 for 3 hours. That’s the whole point of the post. He has a 3 hour window of opportunity in which he could play but he chooses to do other things then wants to play later when his brothers also want to play.