To feel guilty over our newest addition - is this normal?!

[EW1995]

A few weeks ago we got a puppy, after nearly 7 years of it being just me and my DD. We both love him so much, the apple of our eyes, no issues etc.

However, I just can’t shake the feeling of such guilt that my attention now isn’t all on DD and is being split (especially because he is so young so wants to constantly be with me).

My daughter doesn’t mind, or if she does, she certainly hasn’t said anything, but because all of my time used to be completely devoted to her and now it’s not because I have another tiny little person (canine person!) that needs some of my time and attention too.

The dog is over the moon, my daughter absolutely adores him, I love him to pieces - it’s the crippling guilt about this one particular issue - I feel like I’m in some way being less of a parent to my daughter, ruining my relationship with her, failing her and so on?!

I know it probably sounds crazy, because my daughter still gets all the attention that she needs and I make sure we have time together whilst the dog is in his bed asleep etc.

Is this normal?! Will it get any better?!

I don’t think it’s normal no! In fact it’s probably helpful at 7 for your daughter to have another “person” to love and have around, to share your attention with etc. you sound very anxious, are you ok?

@EnterACloud I am a very anxious person in general anyway! Part of the reason we got a puppy, to encourage me to go out alone whilst DD is at school on walks etc.

My daughter is fine sharing the attention - she hasn’t kicked off or shown any sign of sadness etc, calls the dog her little brother (which is so cute!) - it’s just me constantly worrying if she’s feeling left out, missing my attention etc!

My attention is split between 3 children and a puppy so if you should feel guilty I should be ashamed.

sharing your attention a little isn’t a bad thing at all, quite the opposite.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad, is this something you’re getting help and support with?

honestly I’ve got a couple of friends who are only children of anxious single mums and the relationship is so intense and can be a bit (sorry) much, it’s much healthier to share your attention and your daughter is clearly enjoying it.

No, its normal for children to have to share attention with someone else. Tbh it's probably a good thing you got the pup, it will be good for your dd and should be for you too.

In the kindest way possible, OP, if you've been so focused on your DD to the exclusion of everything else for her entire life then its probably about time! I work with kids and IME it's a lot of pressure on a child to be their parents entire world and the focus of all their attention 100% of the time. It can make them anxious and prevent them from spreading their wings and taking age appropriate steps towards independence. It will be good for your DD, and good for you. Are you getting any support for your anxiety? If not it might be a good idea to have a chat with your GP.

Not normal and you're not doing your daughter any favours by smothering her like this.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

We got a puppy when dd was 6. Part of the reasoning (apart from actually wanting a dog) was that we didn't want dd growing up getting all the attention and wanted something else to focus on. It's been great! Dd and dog are besties.

This is a good thing. You don't want your DD to feel suffocated if she's the centre of attention all the time. If she needs you I'm sure she can let you know.

Crippling guilt? That's sounds extremely dramatic and imo just shows that your current situation wasn't very healthy, the dog will only benefit the family. What do you think parents with multiple dc do?