...to want to go to a concert out of town?

[TreadmillMom]

I live in the Midlands and my best mate who lives in London surprised me with some concert tickets to a gig I really wanted to go to, in London.
After days of consideration I had to ring her to say I couldn't come due to lack of childcare for my 2 DSs, one of which is school age, the concert is on a Tuesday night and my nearest relatives live 30 miles away and no one would commit to spending their working day at my home.
DH said he was unable to look after the DC because he had no holiday left to take from work. I suggested that he needn't take holiday DS1 could go to after school club and DS2 could go to nursery for the afternoon and he could pick them up at 6pm. I would get a return train after the concert to be back home in the early hours of Wednesday so would be around to get DC up in the morning, though I'd be shattered. He said he had exhibitions on the Monday and Wednesday so couldn't guarantee what time he could leave work on the Tuesday as he may have some running around to do!
Okay, not happy, I felt he could of made more of an effort to help me out, but case explained.
So, we're looking for a new car and DH went to look at some on Sunday and decided he was going book the day off Tuesday to test drive 3 that he'd short-listed. So not only DOES he have holiday, he was able to book it with only 24 hours notice, he worked at his desk all day Monday (no exhibition) and has a meeting I know first thing this morning but again I've not heard any mention of any exhibition.
Need I say more? Someone's obviously taking the pi** out me aren't they?
His memory is so sh*te he cannot even remember when he's told a lie.
Now, I want to bring it up, I do, but I'll get the 'the car is for us, our family, I wasn't on jollies, do you think I enjoyed driving round the back of beyond getting under cars in the rain for the fun of it, you're so ungrateful, never satisfied' lecture.

He doesn't like you much, does he? Begrudging you a night out...

Put a big calendar up in the kitchen in a prominent position. Write things on it like 'Concert trip cancelled; dh has no holiday and at exhibition.'

rotten thing to do to you imo

are the tickets still available??

If they are - I'd do what you suggested with nursery/after school club - go - and then tell him he has to pick the kids up later.

He can lump it or like it

I'd be furious with him and I would have to say something too. Think you need to sit down and have a really sharp word with him about priorities and him taking some responsibility for his family/children.

I'd also be booking those tickets now if still available - after all he will now be off and available to look after his children.

Well out of order!!!
I'd tell him you have caught him out in a lie and see what he says. If he does come out with the 'well the car is for all of us etc etc' line, then make it clear to him that you are not cross at him spending his days holiday looking for a car instead of you going to the concert, what you are cross at is the fact that he lied to you about not having any holidays AND about the fact that he had an exhibition before he had even decided to go looking for a car and he did so for what seems like no good reason except that he didnt want you to have a rare night out!
I'd make it perfectly clear that its unacceptable and tell him that your friend is now out of pocket from losing money on the ticket you didnt use and its not fair on her either! Get him to stump up the cash for an alternative night out for you and your friend in London and arrange it for a Friday night so you can stay over, have a lie in and he can deal with the kids on the Saturday!! Make sure you get back nice and late as well t make the most of the break (even if you tel;l him you will back early!)!!

what a bloody awful thing to do to you

not only the lies, but the total lack of consideration for 1 thing that you'd like to do and a lovely gesture off your friend

I'm afraid I would have to have this out with him.

Even if he comes back with the lecture you described - I would say regardless of whether Tuesday/the car thing was enjoyable or a complete chore, why does he feel it is acceptable to lie to you?!

I would bet he'll come back with either the exhibition was cancelled or he didn't realise he had the holidays left

In which case I would seriously ask why, the MINUTE he found out it was cancelled or he did have holidays left, he didn't contact you straight away, tell you that things have changed, and give you the chance to contact your friend and see if you could still go.

NO excuse for his behaviour IMO

Thanks for your comments guys, just to clarify, it would not of been a rare night out for me, I do go out with girlfriends as often as I like, in the evening when kids are in bed already or at least on their way!
I cannot get alternative tickets now, the concert dates sold out in a matter of minutes, that's why the tickets were such a surprise, my friend had really made an effort for me, she doesn't even like the band in question.
I have offered her money but she refused and gave them away as a staff incentive at work.
What upset me so much was my DHs clear and lack of desire to help, I'm such an easy going woman in terms of the freedom we enjoy of each other he'd been away for long weekends outside of the UK twice last year without me and I never ever anticipated for one moment that I would not be 'allowed' to attend this concert.

i would be furious

oh that is awful.

What would have happened if you had announced that you were going - instead of asking him to do stuff, just told him that he was going to do it? Would the kids have been picked up?

Tis good that you get out regularly, but for something special like this, he should have pulled out all the stops to ensure that you had your night out.

Doesn't matter that it not a rare "night out" for you - going out with the girls for a evening, and going to a concert in London are two totally different things IMO.

agree that it doesn't matter that you do go out with the girls

it's the fact he lied, twice, about the exhibition and lack of holidays.

and it was made even worse by the fact that even if he has a resonable explanation for the above, why didn't he come straight and tell you that things had changed/he made a mistake/it was cancelled/whatever so that you at least had the chance to go

for whatever reason he didn't want you to go and he lied to you to make sure you didn't

there really is no excuse for that

Bump

I'd be very pissed off if this happened to me, he lied and acted selfishly.

He has behaved appallingly I hope he had a good explanation for his behaviour

It wasn't the Spice Girls was it? If so castrate him!