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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at friends with no concept of money

48 replies

Liliablue · 30/06/2022 15:34

group of my friends went out for a dinner on holiday to celebrate two of ours friends engagement. We went to a very lovely meal where the prices were already expensive but as that’s where the couple wanted we were happy to go.

During the meal the waiter brought out a bottle of champagne, which we presumed to be complimentary once they heard it was an engagement party. We all drank the champagne.

At the end of the meal the bill came and we were shocked at the price of it, turned out the bottle of champagne was £470 (currency exchange equivalent as we were abroad). This was when friend A admitted that they had gone and ordered the bottle as a special treat to celebrate the couple and thought that we wouldn’t all mind splitting the bill. The group were horrified and really angry at this as this was costing us massively but nobody was being vocal about it apart from myself. the bride to be offered to pay for the champagne to stop the awkwardness but we refused.

Nobody spoke about this for the rest of the holiday until this morning friend A went to a local shop to stock up on wine. They got 10 bottles “for the villa” at €18 each. The exact same bottle we got from the supermarket for €4 so a very big rip off. When they got back they asked to be transferred for some of the wine. At this point I have refused a) I didn’t ask for it 2) I don’t want to pay the rip of prices c) I’m still pissed off about the previous issue. AIBU to put my foot down about this? Everyone is making me feel crazy even the people who feel pissed off about it to think it’s not worth the argument !

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 30/06/2022 15:37

I find that people tend to behave as they always have, so if people are tightwad cheeky fuckers normally, they probably won’t change in any other circumstances like dinners out/holidays.

How long have you known these people? Do they always act in a fair, reasonable way and get rounds in, don’t take the piss? Or is this in character for them?

Pleaseletmeconfirm · 30/06/2022 15:44

YANBU and your spendy friends are being very unreasonable and selfish. I wouldn't have contributed to the champagne.

How much longer are you on holiday with these people. Can you have a word with A?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/06/2022 15:47

So she wanted to look generous while getting everyone else to foot the bill? She’s an idiot and a cheeky fucker.

People get away with this sort of behaviour only because other normal people are too nice/weak/scared/worried about how they look to stop it.

Stand your ground and tell her to stop trying to spend your money for you.

JauntyJinty · 30/06/2022 15:50

I definitly wouldn't pay for the wine, but wouldn't drink any either. I'd go to the cheaper place and pick some up!

I'm wondering if they actually bought it much more cheaply and are trying to pull a fast one? I know the price can differ from shop to shop but it's rarley over 4 time the cost.

Octomore · 30/06/2022 15:52

I would stop doing things with Friend A that involve splitting bills. And be upfront with them about why. Its appalling behaviour to order a £470 bottle and assume others will help fund it.

Honestly - I'd have refused to pay and left Friend A to pay the champagne alone. That's the only way that people like that will learn. Hit them where it hurts - their wallet

Cakecakecheese · 30/06/2022 15:57

Wow. If you want people to split the cost of something it's common courtesy to ask first! Don't go ahead and then spring it on them afterwards!

Octomore · 30/06/2022 16:04

You and your friends basically need to set aside any conflict-averse tendencies and tell Friend A straight that it is not acceptable for her to spend other people money, and that if she makes any spending decisions without consulting others, she will be footing the bill.

Dont beat around the bush - she needs telling.

Jonagirl · 30/06/2022 16:05

This is outrageous!! Definitely you need to call her out on spending other people's money

listsandbudgets · 30/06/2022 16:05

Hi OP would you like to come out to dinner with me? I promise my taste runs to cheap - we should be able to get a decent bottle of champers for about £280 ....

YADNBU. She was so thoughtless and blinkered. What did the others say?

Lowcarbfest · 30/06/2022 16:09

She was massively unreasonable to pay that much for champagne, to start with. Even worse to expect others to chip in with the bill. I'd have been fuming.

Squareflair · 30/06/2022 16:09

If you otherwise enjoy being friends with them I wouldn't see it as a deal breaker, but I'd absolutely make it clear that you won't ever be putting any money towards anything you haven't agreed to beforehand. It is absolutely cheeky, rude and they must lack any sort of awareness to not see that this is problematic.

BMW6 · 30/06/2022 16:19

I'd tell her that I'll be buying my own wine so will not be contributing!

I'd also tell her she was totally unreasonable re the champagne and will not be chipping in to cover her extravagance in future.

What a twat.

thinking123 · 30/06/2022 16:21

To be fair the wine would have been a mistake. They may not have realised that it's was four times the price and just thought "oh that wine was good. I will
Pick some more up while I'm
Here"

onlyk · 30/06/2022 16:24

Agree with the above.

so when the bill came I would of said how generous it was of friend A to treat the table and if they said they thought it would be split make it quite clear I wasn’t paying as they didn’t ask me before ordering ( I have never order wine etc for the table without checking with those drinking it and paying for it they were happy to)

As for the €18 wine I’d suspect they actually paid €4. But nip it in the bud by saying you’ve already brought wine for the villa so they might as well add it to the rest (ie you’re not paying)

zurala · 30/06/2022 16:24

thinking123 · 30/06/2022 16:21

To be fair the wine would have been a mistake. They may not have realised that it's was four times the price and just thought "oh that wine was good. I will
Pick some more up while I'm
Here"

Surely they could read the label?

April90 · 30/06/2022 16:25

WTF! I would cause a shit storm over this as in ww3 would break out!! Probably not the wisest thing to do but lets get real, they are fully taking the piss!! Tell them you'll buy your own wine and don't contribute. That's a bloody joke. I'm annoyed for you

Mariposista · 30/06/2022 16:27

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. I would not pay anything towards it and say you will sort your own drinks out.

user1471504747 · 30/06/2022 16:35

Say you’re on a budget due to the unexpected cost of the champagne, so will sort out your own wine.

SecondClassmyass · 30/06/2022 16:44

Obviously this is cheeky fuckery combined with zero money consciousness. The annoying this is that she is now making YOU feel like a cheapskatey tightarse which you are definitely not.

zingally · 30/06/2022 16:49

She was a CF!

You should all have refused to pay for the champagne! CF's learn their lesson with only one thing - a cold hard shock, usually to their wallet.

I had this a few years back at the work summer party at a restaurant. I have a rule that I don't drink alcohol at work-related functions. No shade to anyone else, it's just not my thing. Plus on that particular night, I was driving.
That night, loads of people are going hard on the cocktails and shots. Whereas I had one J2O. At the end, the bill comes round, with all the drinks on it, and they expected people to split it evenly! Fuck all the way off! I sent that message back up the table, and OOOOH the looks I got!! LOL

Sunshine10012 · 30/06/2022 17:02

Yanbu what a waste of hard earned money on a bloody drink! And for a pathetic reason too.
don’t know why people get excited about engagements??
my BIL orders expensive champagne on nights out to show off his wealth but that’s only because he doesn’t have to work hard for it. Doesn’t impress me.

WallaceinAnderland · 30/06/2022 17:11

I would not have chipped in for the champagne. How much was it per glass OP? Probably about £75. For one glass of fizz.

Also wouldn't be paying for her expensive wine.

NewPapaGuinea · 30/06/2022 17:16

I’s be asking why she’s so insistent in spending other people’s money

Original poster
Liliablue · 30/06/2022 17:19

I’m being made to feel like I’m tight when I’m completely opposite, I’m always happy to split the bill and won’t bicker over a few pounds here and there. Yet I’m still always conscious and will speak up if there are guests who shouldn’t have to split eg not drank!

friend A isn’t very well off either, they just have the mindset that when they are on holiday there is no such concept of money! I could just never ever imagine going to the bar and ordering for the table without expecting myself only to pay

The cost of the tiny glass of champagne was around £75. But the money of the bottle thne increased the cost of the service charge massively! I wish I had caused more of a scene

OP posts:
Calphurnia88 · 30/06/2022 17:23

Friend A was bang out of order with the champagne, and the pricey wine was the icing on the cake.

I suspect your other friends are probably fuming about this too. I think you need to have a word with her to ensure she doesn't do this again. It's simply not fair for her to spend other people's money like that.