Petrol Money

[Seriou]

I was commandeered yesterday to collect my mother & her 2 visiting friends and take them to a large shopping centre - a 155 mile round trip (just checked!). My mum drives but not out of the immediate area.

She said she’d give me petrol money.

She’s just given me £5 and a bottle of wine.

Please can someone agree with me that when someone says they’ll pay petrol money, that it should actually cover the cost of it, rather than a token amount, or any need to actually specify the figure involved ☹️

Fill up your tank before you start and make sure you have a full tank (That they pay for) when you finish.

Yeah, I'm sorry but that's alot of miles and alot of petrol. I would definitely be expecting more personally. Could it be that your Mum doesn't fully understand just how much that journey would of cost you?

Does she think that you think you were part of the group? Did you stay with them and go shopping together? Or did she think you were happy to use the opportunity to do things you wanted to do?

Not that I don’t agree that she should have paid all the petrol if you were just being a taxi.

But I can see that (a) she thought it was a contribution on a shared outing and (b) she has no flipping clue just how much petrol costs now! and (c) she actually thought she was doing extra with the wine!

I went there a couple of weeks ago so am now skint as she well knows - I wasn’t shopping, I sat in a cafe and then in the car for ages.

She does run a 1 litre engine car locally so maybe just she doesn’t have a clue !

YANBU - can you tell her that it only covers a fraction of the cost and she needs to contribute £x more? Will it cause an argument?

Can you phone or message and say that at today's fuel costs it has cost you xx for the entire journey and please can she and her friends give you the money to cover that as she originally said so that you can continue to afford to eat/run a car etc.

Shes your mum - just say - Mum with the petrol puce increases it actually cost £30/£40 to drive to X and back yesterday. I don't have any spare cash at the moment so can you reimburse me

As you said - she may just be a bit clueless.

Next time you are commandeered then id say no sorry cant do that, i still havent replaced the petrol used up on my last 150 mile trip to take you shopping....if your mum drives why isnt she taking herself and her friends out?

Assuming 40 mpg, you used ~4 gallons of fuel -> ~18 litres of fuel.

Petrol yesterday was £1.89 per litre for me, so the cost is approx. £34.

I’m assuming your mum can or has driven recently? When I last took my mum on a trip of about 200 miles and had to fill the tank, I returned after paying to find her fishing around in her purse, after which she pulled out a tenner and said “that should be enough, shouldn’t it? If it’s too much, get yourself a drink or something with the change” - demonstrating how little my mum knows of a) petrol prices, b) the price of wine at a pub, and c) my attitude to cash.

I worked it out recently that with these extortionate petrol prices it’s costing me .26p a mile! That’s for a 1.4 car engine. So that journey would have cost just over £40!!!!

I think as it was going to make you skint you should have been completely clear at the beginning. If she has more money than you, I’d be up front and tell her you were expecting the full cost, and do actually need it too.

I know she's your mum but why on earth did you agree to do it if you had been there a couple of weeks ago and didn't have the money to go shopping again.

If you can't bring yourself to ask her for more petrol money, then just learn from it and next time have an excuse ready.

Why would you do that?
This is OP’s mum! No need for snide comments in future that will just cause awkwardness.
Not fair on her mum if she’d rather OP just spoke up now, and would say, “I’m sorry! I didn’t really think - now, how much did it cost, let me get it.”

Please can someone agree with me that when someone says they’ll pay petrol money, that it should actually cover the cost of it, rather than a token amount, or any need to actually specify the figure involved ☹️

You do need to specify the amount. That bits unreasonable to just assume someone else will know. It's your car and you will know best what it costs you per mile to run.

Work it out per mile now. Then even if you write this one off, you know for next time.

"Will you take me shopping and I'll give you petrol money?"
"Sure, it's 25p per mile so it'll be £38.75 for the round trip. You still want to go?"

I think you should have said something when she gave you £5. Next time, clarify the cost upfront and then everyone knows where they stand. It's just poor communication really, plus the fact that older people sometimes get stuck in a 1960's timewarp and don't realise how much things are now.

Ha! My mother is like this; she knows I wouldn’t charge her anyway but it sucks doesn't it?

Also, my mother happily charges others. She charged her friend £20 to get to an early morning hospital appointment and me £12 (4 x journeys at £3 a go for a 7 minute drive). But hopefully she’ll help me a bit with a flat deposit so I am now not mentioning this.

Bloody hell; call myself an ex-teacher with that confusing message. Basically, my mother is tight: happy to accept free lifts but happy to charge others.

My gran is 90 and would assume that journey would cost £100 and I'd have to argue until I was blue in the face that she needed to pay less - she is perpetually worried about taking advantage of the kindness of others she's lush but it's slightly exhausting

My mother is in her 60s and would roughly work out how much 155 miles would cost in her car, then offer me £10 more for helping.

Your mum cannot possibly be that clueless. She took advantage of you and you both know it.

How you deal with that is down to your relationship. I'd be quite straight and say "I'm skint because I'm £40 down after being your 155 mile taxi, can you help please" but you may want to approach it differently.

My Mum wouldn't have a clue as she's never been able to drive for health reasons, but someone who drives is going to know £5+wine isn't going to cover it. Petrol you're looking at £30 (possibly more), also your time and cost of cafe trip. Would have been nice if they'd treated you to coffee/lunch when they stopped for a break.

If it's going to leave you struggling for money, then I'd certainly have a chat with her explaining that you're out of pocket and really short.

I’d be saying that it just didn’t cut it
if you feel you can’t say anything now then next time mention you need the fuel money upfront