Hello all,
But if background, my step son is turning 9 next week. I've been in his life since he was 20 months old. I have a lovely close bond with him and treat him as my own. I have 2 dcs from my ex and me and Dh have a child together. Our kids are all so close, they love eachother. We've always classed ourselves very lucky as far as blended families go.
Just to add - I was not part of Dh and his ex separation, they were seperated for a year before we got together and it was a good 10 months of a relationship before I met his child.
Anyway, the relationship with his mother has always been strained. Dh can never do right. It's either we're doing too much with DS or not enough. She starts an argument over the smallest things (not bringing him jok in the correct t shirt for example) and then it escalates to he is a bad father etc etc....
A couple of weeks ago, DH received a text from dss saying that he didn't want to do anything for the rest of us for his birthday, he just wanted time with his dad. Dh replied and said that was absolutely fine. This was actually around Father's Day - dss should of been with us on Father's Day but his Mum decided to book a holiday and take him away for a week on dhs time instead. It's not the first time she's done this, he's got another weekend away coming up on dhs weekend and she just books it without asking if it's ok or if we have plans.
Anyway fast forward to last weekend, dss was with me and asked me if we could plan his birthday so he knew what we were doing. I asked dss what he wanted to do and he replied with 'I don't mind, I just want all of us there'. Dh also asked him and he was adamant he wanted his whole family with him for his birthday.
We have then planned a lovely weekend away with all of us for his birthday which he was very excited about.
He's gone home and told his mum this. She's gone ballistic and sent Dh a message to ask why we are not doing what dss asked for which is just time with his dad. Dh replied and said this is not what dss asked for when we spoke to him. She admitted in a string of texts that she asks dss lots of questions when he gets home from us - basically I'm guessing to check what's happened. Looking for clues that I'm the 'evil step mum' etc. anything she can get to use against us.
As far as we can see, there's 2 things going on here. Either his mother is putting ideas into dss head or dss is going home to his mum and saying things that aren't true.
Has anyone experienced this? Any advice on how Dh should go about this? It's gone on long enough now, we are just portrayed as this 'bad' family by the ex and we are far from it. She refers to me and my dc constantly as 'a bunch of people' and cannot see that we are a family so my guess is it's her putting ideas into dss head?
Dh wants to have a private chat with dss this week before his birthday celebrations start but he's worried about saying the wrong thing. He doesn't want to put any pressure on dss