To hate the childish noises?

[aboutamum]

Ok so it's not all the time, but sometimes the noises my daughter makes my blood start to boil.

Especially today, I'm coming down with something so I may be more irritable that normal.

It's the constant silly noises, the humming, the stupid questions. All. Day. Long.

Sometimes it makes me want to cry. I literally want to scream will you just shut the fuck up for 5 minutes?!?!

Even when I see other adult humans she will stand in the way and say mummy mummy mummy, or start whinging to get attention, especially when I'm trying to speak to her father.

I'm a single parent, she sees her dad once per week which is good. But the time I do have with her I'm struggling with. Im finding it difficult to stay engaged and present. When we do things together I feel like im on auto pilot, my brain just goes to sleep.

I know this sounds terrible but can anyone else relate? She's 4, due to start school this September. Only at nursery 2 mornings a week as we moved quite far out and couldn't get her into any local nurseries.

I want to be a more engaged & outgoing mum for her, not the one who hides in the kitchen or tries to avoid playing dolls. I don't want to feel so bloody brain dead all the time. I see so many parents just loving every day with their little ones & always do loads of days out and activities when im just trying to survive the day.

I know I'm expecting a lot from a 4 year old, im trying my bloody best but it's just so damn hard sometimes. I just feel so heavy all the time.

I think you're expecting a lot of yourself. Being a single parent is hard! I did it with DD1 and cannot imagine doing it with DD2, whose dad can see when I'm reaching the end of my tether and just need a minute!

It's absolutely fine to have boundaries when you've had enough and say "mummy needs a quiet 15 minutes. Go watch tv/ look at your books and after that we'll do..." She's old enough to follow the instructions now. I also found it much easier being out of the house than stuck inside if I was having a frustrated day. Be kind to yourself and know we all just want to scream into a pillow sometimes

Hugs to you. Parenting can feel overwhelming and relentless, and that was as a parent with a supportive partner; I can’t imagine how much more difficult it is as a single mum.
also, don’t lay too much attention to other parents who seek to love being a mum 24/7. The reality is often very different.
do you have any parent friends? Or could you arrange a play date with a child from nursery? Adult company for you plus your daughter will be distracted with a little friend and give you a chance for a brew and some adult conversation.
I promise it will get easier in September, hang in there. X

You sound overwhelmed.

Have you support? Support just for you?

That's what you need

What support do you have?

To be totally honest, I totally get what your saying but I have a partner to take over. Hats off to single parents because at times it's fucking hard.

Deep breath.

I think you will feel a massive benefit come September.
Does her current nursery have holiday club?