Sorry this is so long.
I've been working full time for almost a month. I retrained during the pandemic and was lucky enough enough to land a really good job straight away. Not amazing mo ey but much better than we're used to, good for round here, and a good step on a career ladder.
DH also works full time and we have one DS,6, nearly 7. Before covid I was at home as he'd not long started school. Then during covid my study fitted pretty well around school (thanks, online lectures!). I've always done most of the school runs at the usual time and park/playtime/quiet time at home after. Towards the end of my course DS did after school club til 4.30 a couple of days days week and loved it. He was often disappointed on days I picked him up at 3.15.
DS is now in wraparound breakast/after school clubs 4 days a week. He goes in between 8 and 8.45 and gets home between 4.30 and 5 depending on the day, with earlier starts meaning earlier pickups. We live 5 minutes from school. He's always enjoyed school and has a nice group of friends.
I think DS is struggling with the change and / or the extra hours out of the house. He is moody, argumentative, fickle, has an answer for everything and will point blank refuse to do whatever the thing is that we've asked of him. Come and get up the table please - it's your favourite! Time to brush your teeth, Turn the TV off, Let's play a game! all met with either "no" or finding the most long winded way around as possible to be avoid doing the thing. He gets surly and sarcastic. He is given calm, clear patient responses, then the consequence clearly spelled out, then the consequence. So: "I've asked you three times to get your pajamas on, if I have to ask you again we'll have to go straight to bed without a a downstairs story" (We always have an in bed story). One. Two. Three. OK, we don't have time for a story now so upstairs for a story in bed please". At which point he either gets inconsolably upset and begs for the story, or refuses to go upstairs. And repeat.
Occasionally, after much of this, I lose my rag and raise my voice. Never screaming. Just a raised voice "I won't ask you again, upstairs now please". Cue inconsolable again. Crying. "I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. It's my fault. I don't deserve a story" (we have never said these things-i don't know where he gets them from and its a bit distressing tbh, but also has the desired effect iyswim). This happens almost every day.
He's always been a cheerful, sunny, funny, happy little boy. This is making everyone's life miserable. I feel incredibly guilty that my working is causing this problem, but I can't afford not to. I could work fewer hours, but not on anywhere near the same pay. We don't have loads of money, we're both on fairly average wages, just beyond the threshold of universal credit.
How the hell do other families make this work? There must be other families with two parents in full time work, surely!? Can you all afford nannys? Do you all have parents who pick the kids up from school? Do the kids just cope better with it after a while?
I think this is made worse by the fact that he's always been an early riser, and this doesn't change when he's had a later night. More tired doesn't = more sleep. In fact it often seems to equal less, as though the adrenaline of being over tired makes him wake up at 5am rather than 5.45, and then he gets even more strung out.
I'm simultaneously wound up by the behaviour and also feel incredibly sorry for him that we can't give him a life that's not such a hamster wheel. Ordinarily I'd think, just hang on until the summer holidays, but then the poor kid is being farmed out to friends, family, or activity clubs 4 days a week and stuck at home with me on my work from home day for the fifth.
I don't know what I'm asking really. Tips for dealing with an over tired 6 yr old? Hacks for working full time with primary aged kids? I just feel like a shit mum whatever I do, and that there's no way to square this circle.