Some advice on dealing with my mum please?

[dhisaknob]

So bit of background on my mum
Throughout my childhood we moved loads! I think she had this idea of when she moved house she would be happier but she never had found that happiness.

Anyway she came to visit me in 2020 and straight away was begging me to find her a property closer to my house which is an hour away from our hometown. We found her a one bed flat (council property) she absolutely loved it and just took it right away.

Now she hates it and complains to me everyday that she wants to go back home. I am trying and I do keep ringing up the council in our hometown but of course their isn't many properties at the moment.

The whole thing is getting me down I have my own family to look after but I'm always thinking about her. She told me today that she got so angry and shouted that she wanted to get out of this flat.

She has made tons of friends up here so she isn't lonely she just wants to go back.

DH has had enough of all the moaning and me ferrying her about.

Why are you having to do all the work in finding her a new place? Just make sympathetic noises and let her deal with it. She's an adult.

How about tell her what you just said AND stop being the parent in your relationship with her. She isn't a child.

Eh? She can move then, what is stopping her?

Its not your job to parent her!

Is she very elderly?

Why can't she house hunt for herself?

Let her find her own property.

Why are you getting stressed? If she wants to move, let her move but it doesn't mean you have to deal with all the arranging. I would just smile and nod and tell her to let me know when she had found somewhere and when she would be moving.

Why are you enabling her nonsense?? She is a grown woman, it's enough she dragged you around as a child but now she's still making you do it as an adult. Tell her firmly that you are done, she needs to sort herself out.

Tell her you're not stopping her moving. And to let you know when she finds something so you can help her pack.

OP, look up “parentified child”. Your DM has abdicated all responsibility for herself into you. It doesn’t sound like she is particularly frail or elderly - I bet she’s in her 50s/60s isn’t she?

Tell her if she wants to move back you’ll miss her but it’s up to her. And tell your DH to stop ferrying her about.

She's 67 she's fit and healthy nothing wrong with her. It's the complaining everyday it's like she's almost making me feel guilty. I never told her to move here she kept going on and on about it and now I feel bad.

@Changechangychange thanks I will have a read.

At 67 she's hardly elderly. Tell her to sort out her own accommodation and stop being such a whiny, needy, childish pain in the arse.