…if you think there’s a vibe, is there a vibe?

[BewitchedBotheredAndBewilderedGAH]

Argh. I’m getting properly obsessed with my work colleague. I can’t work out what the vibe is.

We spend a lot of time chatting at work, and we get on really well. Last night, after a work event, we went to the pub (with others). He and I left at the same time and then spent two hours on a bench chatting until way past midnight. I feel like it wasn’t anywhere near long enough. I didn’t want it to end. Today I just wanted to be near him and kept up making excuses to talk to him. I’m so embarrassed 😳

He is magically, bewilderingly cool and gorgeous. I think he’s probably way out of my league. Is he just being nice to me?

Basically: in your opinion, if you think there’s a vibe, is there generally a vibe? Or am I hideously misreading all the chatting, spending time together etc? What was that two hours on the bench about?

Also, I wondered - is this limerance? People always seem to mention this on Mumsnet.

Thoughts on vibe reading appreciated! 🙏

Its not how long he chatted to you for, you could just be very interesting company! It's how he behaved. What signals was he giving you? Flirty? Smiling a lot, lots of eye contact, sitting a bit closer than you'd expect? Tactile?

Ahh I don’t know. Not really flirty, although our arms were touching slightly and I felt like there were little electric sparks. I wonder if he isn’t being flirty because we’re colleagues, though? He’s also a bit older than me, so I wonder if he doesn’t want to seem like he’s preying? IYSWIM

Are you both single?
If you are and this is the start of something, time will tell....

I think vibes can be from one side only and easily misread, unfortunately. But that doesn't mean that's the case here. Can you manufacture another office do and see if he gravitates in your direction?

I wouldn't sit on a bench for 2 hours late at night with just anyone

If you are both single and he's not your boss then it sounds pretty positive! Time will tell.

My time is valuable so I definitely wouldn’t chat for 2 hours for nothing. If you like him I would be direct. Life is too short honestly

there is no way I’d leave a pub and sit on a bench for 2 hours until past midnight with someone if I didn’t fancy them.

I think you need to ask him. He may not want to make the first move as he doesn’t want to be thought to be harassing you,

My go to is always to act cool, still nice and normal but not over the top and see if they ask me out. Can't go wrong with that. Usually the ones genuinally interested act on it and takes the initiative and it filters out the ones who aren't. It's hard when you like someone but try not to obsess.

Oh god, not obsessing over it is SO hard though. Also - where’s the line between a crush and an obsession? I find it difficult to know when I’ve crossed it tbh.

Most people would not spend that length of time with someone they are not interested in. It looks positive. Be optimistic and good luck !