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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up on this friendship- AIBU?

2 replies

KittyCoo · 29/06/2022 17:46

A male/female friendship that has never progressed into a relationship and no intention of doing so.

We’ve known each other for 4yrs- met at a Meetup group whilst he was travelling. We both support the same football team so established common ground. Pre-pandemic we used to speak fairly regularly about football and each other’s lives in general. We are not close close as we don’t live in the same country but just had a comfortable friendship with lengthy and fun catch ups every 2/3 months and then not hear from each other for a while as we move in other circles.

Around 6mths ago, as travel restrictions were eased, I told him I had tickets for a particular football match in his home town. He took 24hrs to reply which was very unlike him as he used to reply within a few minutes. Admittedly we had gone 4/5mths without speaking so time for life to move on. He then suggested meeting up whilst I was in his home town and going to the match if he was in his home town, he wasn’t sure if he would be visiting his family elsewhere. I was breezy saying no worries if not but would be great to see you in person after 3yrs. Just before the match he messaged me to say he wasn’t going to be in the area, which was fair enough as he potentially had other commitments. I said no worries as there was no formal arrangement and thanked him for letting me know.

The football match and my trip came and went. Whilst I was in his hometown, we did message each other as he advised the best route around the metro and recommended the best cafes and restaurants, however he continued to be slow to reply to messages.

Last week I sent him a birthday message and asked him how life was treating him which he was grateful for but again was slow to respond but responses did encourage conversation and flowed well.

So to me, it sounds like this friendship has just naturally waned over time and I’m sure it’s nothing personal, as he now has other friendships as his life has moved on more than mine if I’m honest. Don’t get me wrong I have a very active social life I’m not lonely!

So AIBU to stop catching up and let it fizzle completely ? I have no intention whatsoever to unfriend him on social media and if he gets in touch again, I certainly wouldn’t ghost him!

OP posts:
Everydaydayisaschoolday · 29/06/2022 18:14

It might not be that it has waned or ended but that it's just shifted into a different phase. Friendships like most relationships are dynamic not static.

My BFF of over 40 years has lived overseas for most of that time. Some years I might see her 3/4 times and be in contact with her often. Sometimes we can go 3/4 years with no contact or visits at all (even when we lived in the same country) . It wasn't significant, just that our lives were out of sync. Whoever we meet up we are as close as if we saw each other yesterday.

This could be a permanent phase or a temporary one. Just wait for him to contact you and play it by ear.

KittyCoo · 29/06/2022 18:39

Yes all friendships have the natural ebb and flow overtime… otherwise it would be impossible to keep up with everyone!

When we have gone long periods of time without talking, we’ve just picked up where we left off, much like you PP. We have always got on well

I think I’m going to put the onus on him to contact me and see what happens.

OP posts:
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