Moving my child to a new school

[ShepherdMoons]

Dd has been desperately unhappy at her school. She's in a small class with only 6 other girls. Lots of bullying, school has been unsupportive and has not tackled the problem. Her confidence is at an all time low.

We are going to look at a new school but the class sizes again are really small due to being rural. The new school is known to be very good in terms of mental health and wellbeing but there are only 2 girls in the class the rest are boys.

This is also the only school in the area that has any places left. Should we take a leap of faith or will dd just end up more isolated and unhappy with such a small social group?

Hey @ShepherdMoons i can’t advise as you didn’t state the year or school level your child is at

but I can advise this!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/education

I was also going to ask the age/school year of your DD

Sorry dd in Y4!

Are there other schools (currently without spaces) that would be better? Do you think the potential new school will fill up?
Id be tempted to hold off til late August, and see if anyone moves from a larger school over the holidays.

There are no places apart from this school, I'm just very worried dd might end up more isolated. It might depend on the other children.

Could she go to an outside school club to get to know other girls her age, for example Brownies? Another thought is that my DSs had male & female friends at the age your daughter is.

Can she spend a morning there to see if she likes it?

A taster day sounds like a very good idea.

With only two girls in the class, is there more mixing between the genders? Classes seem to vary considerably on the amount of gender segregation. My DD was in a mixed friendship group throughout KS2, which worked very well for her. If those two girls have tended to stick with each other, adding a third girl might be a difficult dynamic, but if they've mixed well with the boys then the gender balance might be a non-issue.

If there are 2 girls and they are already close then a 3rd will be very tricky. Someone might be left out.

Y4 age girls are viciously territorial and heartless by nature and some are downright cliquey bullies. My DD had this cliquey problem settling into a new class at the start of this academic year. She still refers to “the Y4 girls” as if she is not a Y4 girl herself.

The experience has contributed towards her forming a self image as a weirdo and an outsider. It has also taught her resilience and independence. She doesn’t want to be friends with those little twats girls now anyway, but for a long, long time she did.

She has finally settled with a close group of boys and one other girl who is similarly mystified by the other girls behaviour.

Just sharing as the experience is very common and likely to be the same wherever you move. Hope your DD can learn some resilience from this and know that life begins outside cliquey little school groups.

Also agree with PP about Brownies for an experience of a clique free female space for your daughter to enjoy.

Thanks, we had a visit today and looked around. Dd really likes it but this is mainly because the school is very similar to the current primary school and has the added advantage of its own forest school (she loves the outdoors). There's also a big focus on the mental and emotional wellbeing of the students which I liked.

The down side is that the both classes are very boy heavy with just three girls in Y4 and 3 girls in Y5 (mixed class). There are 18 boys which is rather a lot but not a deal breaker. I'm just worried that we might move from one difficult situation to another!

I think I'd move her if this is what your DD would like to do. This is just for y5 and y6 and if she fancies a change and isn't happy at the moment then I'd give her the control. My local primary is tiny and rural and it worked well for one DC but not the other. It's luck of the draw with friendships.

It may be that we do move, dd woke up this morning dreading going back to her current school and has been begging to go to the new school. I said we'd take a few more days to think about it then we would move if it is what she really wants.

I would move her
With just 2 girls it’s unlikely to be a big enough group to team up against her so will probably end up including her
I hope she’s ok

Are there other more suitable school (i.e. ones with more girls) in the area? Remember that at Y4 infants class size rules do not apply so you can appeal to get her into a school on the basis that the detriment to your daughter of not admitting her outweighs the detriment to the school of admitting her.
If you do want to go this route, I'd suggest posting on Primary Education to get advice from experts who sit on school appeals panels.

Thanks, everywhere is over subscribed in our area and the nearest larger school said they've had many parents go to appeal over places and not gained the place.

It seems to be just her year group in this area unfortunately! We don't have a great deal of choice sadly.

It sounds like it’s not going to work for her where she is so I would make the jump x

If she’s already being bullied I think it’s worth the risk of moving her to another school.

I would make the jump.

We moved ds for the same reason but went from a small class (2 years in a class, about 12 kids in a year) to a 2 form per year school. Much better and it was good for him to have made a move before moving to high school.

Ask if she can spend a day at the new school and see how she feels when she gets home.