DV - what people think it is & isn’t

[Downunderduchess]

I saw a video on Instagram of a man “demonstrating his chivalry” by pushing his female partner to the floor so he could open the door for her. Apparently this skit was meant to be funny and judging by most of the comments people thought it was HILARIOUS. I did not, so I left a comment saying that it was depicting DV as funny and how it was wrong to do so.

I was so shocked at the responses I received from (mostly) men, but also a couple of women, telling me it was not DV and I was wrong etc. That it’s funny and I don’t know what I’m talking about.

I responded to a few comments but they still didn’t get it. I despair at the attitude, if they think portraying stuff like this is humour.

Not seen it, but it sounds like joke is supposed to be that pushing her is far far far less chivalrous than holding the door is chivalrous?

It's not DV if she is on on the joke and willingly agreed to do it. I think the joke is mocking fake chivalry and showing the irony of being aggressive and doing damage for the sake of an empty gesture. I think you were OTT. It's important to take DV seriously and educate people about it but in this instance it doesn't sound like it was mocking DV and you overreacted.

Your description makes it sound like it isn't DV.

If it's a joke that she is part of and has agreed to, then it's not DV.

Honestly, I think your comment that it's DV is far more offensive than the video sounds. Labelling absolutely everything you can as DV in an attempt to remain as offended as possible means that victims of genuine DV aren't acknowledged or heard or understood or taken seriously. If people begin to DV as something as trivial and harmless as you've described in your OP then being a victim of DV means nothing anymore.

I’m not sure that pushing a woman to the ground is “trivial and harmless”

Haven’t seen the video of course, but any sort of physical manhandling, especially pushing and grabbing is DV.

The fact that it was used as part of a joke is probably in poor taste, but then a lot of humour is and I still find it funny.

Presumably she was in on the joke so not DV...

You must HATE Home Alone

What you’ve described doesn’t sound like DV- it sounds like a joke that hopeful both parties were in on.

I don't think it's DV as it was clearly a joke and all the parties involved knew what was going to happen.
It's not especially funny from the sound of it and it's not in good taste.
Obviously if he had become aggressive /nasty and thrown her to the floor when she didn't know what was happening then that is slightly different

It's a fictional, set-up, comedy sketch... It's like saying it's animal abuse when Bambi's mother got shot.

Link to video?

Unless I've misunderstood, surely the point of the joke is that he has treated her worse by attempting an old fashioned display of chivalry. Therefore, the audience is in on the irony of it (and presumably the actress in the skit) and is not agreeing and condoning him pushing her. I.e the joke is pointing to the ridiculousness of ideas around traditional 'chivalry' for show rather than genuine intention or care (albeit crassly)

Sorry but it sounds like you didn't get it.
It was meant to be ironic.

I may not have explained it very well. I totally understand it was a set up and not real video of DV . My point was that by doing this for entertainment is trivialising real violence. It was not done in an ironic way either as far as I could tell.

And @Spani I was absolutely not doing as you have said. I’m not that type of person. I don’t look for offence everywhere.