To ask WWYD re teenager and sports day

[Sarahcoggles]

DS is in year 12, in a secondary school.
Tomorrow is sports day.
Parents have had no official communication about the role of 6th formers.

DS says they were asked to either join in or volunteer to help. However, all his friends claim they're not going in at all because they don't want to do either. It's not clear if their parents are calling in sick for them.

I asked DS a week ago to find out what the rules are, but he hasn't, and he didn't want me to ask on his behalf. So here we are, a few hours before it starts, not knowing if he has to go in or not.

He claims he said he'd help, but his name isn't on the lost of volunteers.

He doesn't want to go in, as he says none of his friends will be there.

I've said he has to go in, and either help with sports day or do some work in the library. I don't want to lie and say he's ill, and also I'm not convinced his friends will all have the day off. What teens say they're going to do is not always what they actually do! I don't want him getting a black mark against his name by not turning up.

I've said if he goes in and there's genuinely hardly anyone there, then he can come home. He says he won't be allowed to, once he's registered.

He thinks I'm being really mean.

What do you think?

Mines staying home on sports day

I'd send him in. Ds (15) is in Scottish equivalent on Y12 and spends half his life telling me none of his friends are going in on day XYZ but then miraculously always walks home with said friends once I've made him go in.

You're not sending him down the mines, it's a day at school, even if none of his friends are in well that's life, sometimes we have to do annoying things.

Is this allowed by school or do you have to say he/she is unwell?

Re whether school allows or or not. Ds has had a couple of unauthorised days off in the past (family events where English family and schools off but ours in class) and I've always been honest about it and not lied. Not sure if consequences different where you are though.

I've always taken the approach that unless you're ill you go in, to school or work. So it goes against the grain to let him stay at home and tell a lie, just because his mates are all slacking off. And the lack of guidance from school is annoying me, and I'm frustrated that DS didn't actually ask the teachers about this.
I know he's going to make a huge fuss tomorrow and I won't know what to do

It’s a school day, right? So he goes in. That’s what I’d be saying to my teen.

I asked DS a week ago to find out what the rules are, but he hasn't, and he didn't want me to ask on his behalf.

You can’t really be annoyed with school though - sounds like they did tell the kids what was expected (compete or volunteer) and if you wanted to hear that officially you could have asked. DS clearly hasn’t asked (and prevented you doing so) because he knew the answer wasn’t one that he fancied!

What "black mark" do you imagine hw will get at Sixth Form for missing Sports Day that he doesn't even have to participate in? I think you're being over-dramatic. Let him stay home. It's not like it's an important school day.

Youve been to previous sports days I’m sure, are year 6 normally there to participate and/or help?

He claims one of his friends asked and was told, off the record, to call in sick if they didn't want to come in!
My issue with the school is that teens are notoriously unreliable about this sort of thing, either deliberately or not, so it would have been helpful to have an email clarifying the situation.
We had an email last week telling us that from now on they're allowed to leave at lunch time if they have no afternoon lessons, so sports day information could easily have been added.

Apologies, I’m sure parents aren’t invited in year 6 of secondary school 🙈

DS was at a different school for year 7-10, and parents weren't invited to sports day anyway. I haven't been to a sports day since primary school.

Year 12, so he’s 17? Let him have the day off. My son is in year 12 and he’s sorts out his attendance himself. I wouldn’t even get involved in this.