A way to get my lovely mum to the GP

[HappyDays40]

I'm sorry if this sounds morbid but I have been very concerned about my mum. She is 68 years young and is the kindest and most selfless person I know. She has worked hard dedicated herself to her family and probably doesn't know how much I love her. I have been concerned that she was getting a bit "scatty" of late sort of generally forgetful but I put it down to retirement and having less structure in her day.
My sister is abroad so doesn't see her often but commented on the fact that her memory seems to be going. I see her regularly so I don't notice it the same. I went out with my dad other day and he said that he is worried too. She is apparently getting obsessed with cleaning, the moss growing in the grass in the garden and really odd things.
Tonight I have been sorting out plans with her for our weekend and she couldn't work out what she was supposed to be writing down, she forgot what I had just told her seconds before. I spoke to my Auntie and she had noted a change too. I can't begin to imagine what is wrong but I'm trying to think of ways I can get her to the GP. I don't want to intrude but feel like if there was anything wrong I need to prepare. I'm worried she has Dementia but really it could be anything. She thinks of others and never herself, I don't want her to feel like I have been talking behind her back but any tips ( other than being blunt) which would her her feelings. My dad has tried to no avail. I'm happy to consider anything she has given me all her best years he least I can do is ty to help.

Is your auntie your moms sister? Could she try talking to her?

She may be worried herself and be in denial and so be avoiding going BUT there are lots of common underlying reasons for her memory & behaviour such as B12 deficiency, Vitamin D deficiency, low iron, thyroid.
Maybe if she knew there could be an easily treatable reason she would be more keen to speak to a Dr?

is she on any medication at all? If she takes a regular medication, you could write to the Dr giving your concerns and ask that they invite her for a blood test as part of her routine medication monitoring. If she doesn’t take any regular meds they won’t be able to do that, and if she doesn’t want to go to the Dr then all you can do is encourage her to think about it.

Ahh lovely I can see why you’d be worried, it’s horrible isn’t it.

Would calling reception and talking them about it work? My mum is a patient liaison officer at a GP practice, her job is a like a middle woman between doctors and reception - perhaps there’s someone like that you could talk to?

Quite ironically, I’m also trying to persuade her to see her own GP about some nasty looking skin lesions which are growing on her legs, but she’s doesn’t want to bother them 🤦🏼‍♀️

I hope you get it sorted OP x

There could be treatable causes of this OP, doesn't necessarily mean it's dementia.
Tbh I think you just have to be upfront and say what you've noticed and that you think she needs to see the GP, maybe get some blood tests. If your aunt is her sister maybe she could also mention she's concerned about her health. If you contact GP they will likely just advise you to bring her in for an appointment.
You or your dad could offer to go to GP with her for support.

Try not to see it as intruding, she's your mum and it's coming from a place of love and concern.

Good luck

To use a phrase, If Mohammed won't go to the mountain, can the mountain get to Mohammed? Can the GP make a house visit and see you mother in her home, in her daily condition if you will?

Honestly, I don't want to be rude but have you any idea how difficult it is to make a GP appointment? The days of them doing house visits are for the birds.

My DH is relatively healthy, but every 2-3yrs he goes in for a full well check. The GP here encourages it for over 50s. He calls it his human MOT. Could you mention to your mum that perhaps she is due for a well check/human MOT?

In older people memory lapse can be caused by UTIs. My mother-in-law started showing signs of Alzheimer's when she couldn't remember things, like what she'd ordered in a restaurant. Mind you that happens to me occasionally and I'm dementia free .

This is useful if you're worrying about dementia.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/symptoms/

I think the human MOT is a good idea. But as PPs have said there may be another health reason; my lovely MIL used to get kidney infections and we always knew when one was starting as she became forgetful and confused.

So maybe start with asking her gently how she's feeling, say you've noticed she's a little mixed up and you're concerned? If she says no she's fine then say that it'd be no harm for her to get an MOT anyway?

Then once the appointment has been made, can you ring the practice and explain your concerns? I had to do this re my own mother. They told me they couldn't discuss her business with anyone else, so I said that's fine I'm not looking to discuss just making them aware. And then of course I attend the appt with my mum.

Best of luck OP.

No. I'm a GP and sadly we don't have the time to do home visits for this sort of thing. Have you asked your Mum if you can go with her to the GP to discuss her memory? If not, if you called me I'd be happy to ring her up and ask her to come in for a blood pressure check with me, you could then come and 'while we're here doctor' raise the issue. A little subterfuge goes a long way.......

I agree that a wellness or age related health check is the way to do it, that's what I did for my mother for the same reason. I went with her.

Bear in mind that the GP is likely to refer her to the memory clinic, so you will need a story for getting her there too in due course.

@luckylavender and @passport123 - it was only a suggestion, nothing else. Hearing you both loud and clear 😉

Have you actually talked to her? I think you need to be up front and honest about it: Mum, I’m a bit worried that you seem confused and forgetful quite often. I think it would be a good idea to see the GP. Shall I make the appointment for you?

I’m a nurse and deal with this a lot, as other posters have said it doesn’t automatically mean dementia, it could be many differing things.

however it is best to address it with her directly, mum you seem a bit more confused/ forgetful recently- have you noticed it? Most patients will usually say they have felt more confused / forgetful but haven’t wanted to make a fuss! Then make the appt together

I would try and get her to agree to a memory assessment service
I’m quite persuasive and got DF referred a few years ago (no help as he didn’t have dementia)
DM was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s though and the medication gas helped slow it down

Ironically I received a text from her GP saying she is due for medical review which is ace. Rang the surgery this afternoon and sorr of informed them of my observations. GP has booked an appointment on 11th July and will ask about memory.
Spoke to my mum this evening and have shared my concerns. She is concerned too and has agreed to come she is happy for me to go with her.
Thanks for all the courage and advice folks 😀

Well done! Good luck