about people’s reaction when I’ve told them about Dd14 asd diagnosis

[User0610134049]

I’ve confided in a few people about dd14 being diagnosed with autism.

i suppose I expected some might be surprised as it’s not perhaps overly obvious and she tends to hold things together mostly at school but had loads of issues with socialising, anxiety and communication:

Every single person I’ve spoken to about it so far has said something along the lines of ‘well I think we all are on the spectrum, aren’t we’

AIBU that this makes me feel a bit shit?
can’t quite explain why, but it just does

Please fuck off.

See, funnily enough I was going to come on here and post about how this exact attitude is present even here on MN.

'Everyone gets diagnosed nowadays'.

And what exactly is wrong with people being diagnosed with a recognised condition that they have by a trained medical professional? What harm does it do for someone to be able to understand why they behave they way they do? How does it hurt you if an autistic person is actually able to function in the world as a result of their diagnosis?

The spectrum isn’t a line.

It takes two years where I live just to have a conversation about it.

Also, go fucking educate yourself.

Ugh go away 🙄

OP how would you have liked them to react? I ask because I actually don’t know what would be an appropriate thing to say. As another poster put it, I’m so sorry that’s terrible clearly isn’t the right response!

Just react normally. Oh ok, oh really and ask questions or ask if they want to talk about it.

Anyone that reacts by saying ‘Oh well we’re all a bit autistic’ makes me shutdown, feel disappointed and means I know I can’t talk about it with you and won’t again. I haven’t got time in my life for that.

Everyone you say? Good to know. Will mine be sent by post or do I collect it from somewhere?
🤦🏻‍♀️

OP I think it is good to correct people gently. They're trying to be kind probably but people keep peddling these misconceptions and it's not really helpful. 'If you're not autistic, you're not on the autistic spectrum '.

All the best to your DD

Well he's right, some people do have autistic traits or score higher than average on the ados but not highly enough on all parts of the triad to actually be autistic. Point is, you get a diagnosis at the point your nd becomes a disability. We are not all on the autistic spectrum even if some of us are sitting on the edge with our feet in the water.

Agree with this 100%. What would you like people to say when you tell them?

Just realised you've already answered that.
I would assume 'Oh, OK' would be seen as dismissive too. Equally asking questions seen as intrusive. I really don't think you can say the right things in these situations.

congratulations on getting through the assessment process. That is hard work. even if you wanted the diagnosis, because you knew she had difficulties etc, it can still be really difficult to get your head round. Give yourselves some time.

I say... Oh actually that's not correct. That's the same as saying we are all a bit pregnant. Some autistic people have high support needs, just like some pregnant women do, likewise some have low support needs.... But they are still pregnant.

People don't learn this is ignorant unless you challenge sadly

This

A diagnosis doesn't hurt me at all, but it can hurt the child thinking there is something wrong with them.

A PP beat me to it: saying we are all a little bit autistic is like saying we are all a little bit pregnant. Just because I suffer from a sore back or heartburn like many pregnant women do, does not make me pregnant.

At best, that particular comment is minimising and dismissive; at worst it's pig ignorant (looking at you @XelaM). Unfortunately (as the parent of an autistic child) it's also very common 🤦🏼‍♀️

This.

What would you like people to say op?

Exactly.

It's simply not true.

It's also based in ignorance - the "spectrum" isn't a grade from a tiny bit autistic to really autistic.

It's about the different "flavours" of autism.

It's a good opportunity to educate on what the spectrum is.

I would probably say something like, "wow, how does it feel to have that diagnosis? You're an amazing mum and I know you'll give your lovely DD all the support she needs. Let me know if you want to talk about it, I'm here for you." Dunno if that's right or not.

I really hate it when people come out with the "we're all on the spectrum" nonsense. We are not and I always immediately correct them. You can advocate for your child, a diagnosis is a positive thing and opens doors for support and access to courses to help both of your with management strategies. My son has autism and combined type ADHD therefore I speak from experience.

It’s just like when someone says they’ve got a severe (anaphylactic) allergy and someone responds “and yeah I’m allergic too, gives me the trots”.

it’s really not the same.

YANBU to be annoyed, but I think you’d be suprised at the sheer volume of people who are either undiagnosed or have always felt different and wondered if it could be autism.

We are not all autistic. But for there to be a 2y waiting list

• Its hard to diagnose and based on observed behaviours including teacher and parent opinions
• Clearly a lot of kids with at least - some 'impairment/issues so some traits.

my dd 10yo is going to be referred.

When I hear "we are all on the spectrum", to me it is someone identifying with some of the traits but not meeting a full diagnosis.
But yes, you need to have a diagnosis to be on the spectrum to start with.

Dds speech was fine but weve had social issues since preschool.
its very grey area as shes probably aspergers with imo adhd too.
But any anxious behaviour is judged as naughtiness. School didnt see at all but its straight away what gp and ed psych say.
however imo the nhs arent keen to explore other causes.
at the start of reception there were 4/60 kids who stood out and only now being referred. So obviously they werent previously nt and now nd

I think the best way to respond is probably something along the lines of 'how do you feel about that?'