To feel I’m not cut out for parenting/motherhood?

[Pencilrocket]

My son is nearly 4 and he will be an only child.

I find it all so tedious/dull/overwhelming.

My DP helps out a lot, so it’s not like he doesn’t have a dad or one that isn’t hands on, because he is. I’m not even working at the moment either, I had to give up my job as I became burnt out from being a parent/keeping a house clean & tidy/food shopping and holding down a job.
I’ve recently discovered I’ve probably got ADHD so that might account for a lot of how I am.

I just don’t seem to get any joy out of parenting. As soon as he’s gone to nursery school, I feel relieved. How awful is that?
He's at his grandparents house this afternoon and they’ll be dropping him off any minute, I just feel like I’m dreading it.
All I want to do is my own thing, I don’t want to be bothered or disturbed.

I can’t play with him. I find it so hard. So I end up putting the TV on and he sits through episode after episode while playing on his own.

He comes into our bed every night, so I’ve ended up creating myself a second bedroom in the spare room. His dad sleeps with him in the big bed. So there’s very little time for our relationship.

He’s a very bright, chatty, sociable and confident child. But also very demanding. He has possible traits of ASD/ADHD too.

I’m just wondering if I’m alone. I feel it. Totally isolated. Doesn’t help that my family don’t live nearby.

It sounds to me like you might be suffering with depression.

having said that, we’re sold this idea that motherhood is all sunshine and roses when it isn’t. It’s hard, and tedious, and boring at times.

I can relate for sure. My son (second born) is so full on…not in a stereotypical boisterous way, but SO needy of attention, doesn’t stop talking (read: shouting) and is incredibly negative. He can be very sweet, loving & empathetic, but his default is negative. It’s exhausting.

I always console myself by thinking that it’s totally abnormal to spend that much intense time with anyone, so I don’t feel bad for finding it challenging sometimes.

My adhd had the same overwhelmed feelings. Speak to your doctor and do something regularly outside the home on your own x hope you are ok xx

I don’t think you’re suffering from depression.

I felt like you did. I hated the job of being a mother. It was so bloody relentless and boring. I love my DD utterly but I didn’t enjoy the job or raising her. She’s an only and I don’t regret it for a second.

You’re not alone OP it’s just a taboo amongst women I think. Some of us just hate motherhood 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've been where you are and funnily enough this was why I actually had two children. By the time my eldest was 4, he had a 2YO sibling and they would entertain one another.

It might help if you got his sleep better and had something for yourself outside of parenting. What do you do in your downtime by yourself, for yourself?