'Smile Love'

[RedSquirrel111]

After a personal situation which has blown apart my family life, I've been back at work 2 weeks. Thought I was doing well and holding it together.
Just been out on my lunch break and random guy 'smile love, might never happen'
Well it has fucking happened and I'm trying to get through each day.
Really, really upset me. I stared at him as I literally couldn't think of what on earth to say. He walked off laughing/muttering.
I had a cry in the toilets and am now sat in bar around the corner from work having a wine. which I know doesn't help

Why? Why do random men think its OK to comment like this?

I wear headphones to block the rest of the world out when walking anywhere alone.

Sorry you’re struggling.

It's awful, regardless of how you might be feeling. It's sexist & patronising, and just so sad that there are men out there who still don't know any better.

A random man said this to me in the supermarket two days after my mother had died.

I was too shocked to say anything at the time, but I wish I'd told him. It might have made him think twice before saying it to someone else.

I hate it when men say this.

For some reason I've also never been able to say anything when it happens.

Mostly I just want to tell them to fuck off!

everything makes me want a glass of wine.

The OP is exceptionally fragile and trying to hold it together. I doubt your comment about how much more resilient you might be right at this moment is terribly helpful, tbh.

It's easier said than done, I know, but I would have told him what had happened and how he should be less of a thoughtless arsehole in future. It might have given you a release and him the reality check he needed. Sorry you're going through a tough time.

I'd love to have the presence of mind to respond appropriately in the moment but i am always thinking of things later, much later, then beating myself up for saying nothing.

Men who do this are misogynists who expect women's faces to be rearranged to please their aesthetic preferences. Even strangers just going about their business. Sadly 'fuck off' can be like a red rag to these kinds of idiots.

I hate this so so so much when it happens.

Sorry you're struggling OP X

Sorry you are having a rough time Op.

I don't often advocate swearing at strangers but I think 'fuck off' would have been a completely appropriate response.

Do men say this to men? Do woman say this to men?
Very much doubt it, he was an arse simple as that.

I usually say one of the following after having years of this working in a pub.

'Bite me' - a snarl helps with this one.
'My dog just died' - makes them feel bad without revealing what actually happened.

Sometimes I just give them a dirty look because I'm not up to responding. They just do it to irritate us or because they don't know any better.

Well done for quietly accepting being treated badly by men. The rest of us generally dislike it though.

I always want to say ‘I’d smile if I had something better to look at you ugly pockmarked bottom feeder.’ But I think they’re the same as cat callers - they aren’t doing it to compliment you or see you smile, it’s to intimidate you and remind you that as men they can approach and talk to you on the street so I generally just say ‘go away, I don’t know you.’

But I definitely wouldn’t engage in any of the ‘witty’ responses always suggested on here, that’s tantamount to flirting with these creeps. I’d just sadly think ‘he probably has women in his life who have to deal with him all the time’ and chalk him up to a bad egg.

Sorry you are having such a hard time and were on the receiving end of such a facile and stupid comment at a time like this.
I very much doubt that this was meant to single you out personally. This twit probably walks around all day saying this same dumb comment thinking he's the God Given Bees Knees, but leaving a long trail of annoyed and swearing women in his wake.
The main thing is you will get through this and you will smile again, but this guy will always be a complete and utter fool. His comments were uttered with zero thought and are therefore completely meaningless.
You have a right to feel how you feel and denying your feelings, squashing them down and putting on a brave and smiling face is not necessarily healthy.
Give yourself a break. You've given this man enough headspace, now banish him from your mind and tell yourself that you will get through this difficult situation, taking it one thing at a time. Do not let this de rail you.

They think it's ok to say that because they haven't got the intelligence to think beyond the present. They see a (usually attractive) woman not smiling, want her attention, and say the first banal thing in their repertoire.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Chin up, OP.

Were you unaware of your unpaid obligation to brighten the day of all passing men?

Did you miss the orientation session on your role as a decorative object?

The last guy to do this to me nearly got sworn at. Sheer power play bollocks but so annoying.
/very unmumsnetty hugs