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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my relationships with people have massively changed since covid?

1 reply

Lolabear38 · 28/06/2022 10:52

Just that really. I live overseas and so I went almost 2 years without seeing any of my family or friends at home. In that time I also had a baby. The friends we have in the country we live in became our family - we spent birthdays, christmases and holidays together and they were an invaluable help when my daughter was born.

As soon as we were allowed to fly home last year, we came back for 2 weeks. Things seemed a little strange but it was a whirlwind and the baby was so little I put it down to that and also just getting used to being around each other again. However I’ve just come home again and I’m finding it really tough being around my family - and I think they’re finding it tough with me too. It’s only been a few days but we just seem to be rubbing each other up the wrong way which has never happened before - we’ve always been very close (despite me living abroad for the last 10 years). I’m finding my parents very trying and sarcastic and they say they’re finding me grumpy and restless. It’s making me sad. While I’m away we all FaceTime regularly and always get on very well, it’s just in person now seems difficult.

with friends I’m struggling to find any common ground any more - we talk about the past and growing up or school etc but because I’ve barely been home the last few years we just don’t seem to understand each others’ lives as much.

Maybe I’m just so used to being away and doing what I want when I please? Perhaps I’ve changed? Perhaps they have? Has anyone else found this? Usually I would come home to visit at least 2/3 times a year so maybe those visits grounded me or kept me more in line with how we lived and worked as a family/ friendship group. I know friendships evolve and change and perhaps we’ve just outgrown each other. But I can’t outgrow my family?! Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
HouseHelp23 · 28/06/2022 11:42

Yes I feel the same and I don't live abroad! I think people have got very used to their own space, doing exactly what they like, and not having much consideration for other people's time. The number of people I've heard saying things like 'oh I enjoyed lockdown, it was nice to not have the kids out doing activities every night' - why did they ever put themselves in a position of being so busy they didn't enjoy it?

So I also think our worlds have generally got smaller. Usually my friends and I would have holidays, meals out, nights out, general life events to discuss but that all stopped for the best part of 2 years. Now I struggle to connect with some of them, even on a superficial level. It's gradually improving with some but some friendships haven't survived.

It's difficult with your family. Are you staying with them? It's hard to go from not seeing someone at all to spending all your time together. It'll likely improve as visits go on.

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