Depressed husband

[Teachertotutor]

My husband has suffered from depression his whole adult life. I didn't find out about this until after we married. He has been on anti-depressants for years and years.
He's a lovely man and a great husband, but I'm starting to find it hard coping with his low affect. As a couple, we are very lucky - we have a lovely house, 3 gorgeous kids and don't need to worry too much about money. But I almost dread him coming home or me going home, because he's always had such a hard day, moans about everything and generally makes heavy work of everything. We rarely laugh or joke around. His mood brings my mood down and I'm not the same happy, fun person I was when I met him.
Then after moaning and being miserable, he'll turn around and want sex and it's just not sexy!
I know depression is an illness and he does cope well with it generally. I am just finding it hard to remain positive and happy myself when he never seems to be happy or grateful for anything. AIBU?

Has he had any therapy OP? I had CBT for a time and while it's not a cure it did help me to properly look at my thought patterns and how I reacted to them, which helped.

Hello,
Not since I've known him. I think he feels that the anti-depressants keep him on an even keel, and I'm not even sure he understands how low his mood seems to others...

I’ve been depressed before and I’ve also been with someone who was depressed.
The best thing you can do is to tell him you are not happy and that you think it might be best to go your separate ways.
This will either shock him out of his depression into a positive in that he doesn’t want to lose you or he will stay depressed.
You have been there for him but you don’t deserve to live like this, it is not your responsibility to continually make someone else happy.

He's not a lovely man and a great husband if he doesn't care how awful his behaviour makes you feel. And then wanting sex 🤮. It doesn't sound like your needs are being considered.

There can be a certain ingrained quality to depressed people's behaviour that can be very difficult to live with even if you have sympathy for the condition. He's treating you badly, demanding sex whilst not making an effort. Sounds like it has become somewhat of a habit. Call him out on it and see if he's prepared to do anything differently.