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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm a mess

10 replies

ProbAmU · 27/06/2022 15:08

I'm a total mess physically and mentally and am considering getting signed off work for a few weeks to try and sort myself out, but my AIBU is that although I'm a mess I could carry on working and let the rest of my life carry on suffering, including a young child.

I have long term mental health issues, over 30 years now. I'm currently struggling a fair bit but no where near as bad as I have been at times. I have an issue with skin picking, especially my scalp, and now have large bald spots on my head. My physical health is bad, high BP and a heart issue, plus gut issues and a damaged neck. Currently having a flare up of both and am in constant pain and not sleeping well at all. Anxiety playing a part too

Work is stressful and I find myself turning to booze and junk food to help. I get little time to exercise and find it hard to motivate myself anyway. I really need to break the cycle and sort my eating and sleeping out but I'm finding it impossible as at the moment I just get through the day by any means necessary. I'm so worried I'm going to have a heart attack and drop dead which would devastate my DC

WIBU to go off sick? No option to take leave for about 6 weeks. Only ever been signed off once before and that was years ago. Part of me thinks I should put my health first, other part of me thinks I should just pull myself together, I've got years if work ahead of me, if I don't drop dead that is, and need to learn to cope better

OP posts:
Chikapu · 27/06/2022 15:10

Please see your gp and ask for a sick note. You need to look after yourself and not worry about work, work will be fine without you.

Watchkeys · 27/06/2022 15:13

Give yourself a break. Literally. Everybody has struggles, many, many people take time off to deal with them.

Forgive yourself, and let yourself of that millstone of a hook you've got yourself on. You weren't put here to work yourself to death.

SharpLily · 27/06/2022 15:15

Self care is not an indulgence. You need to think about the people around you as well as yourself so it's perfectly reasonable to take the time you need as long as you genuinely use it to sort yourself out rather than have a nice little rest and then find yourself back at the bottom of the slippery slope when it's time to return to normal life.

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 27/06/2022 15:18

It definitely sounds like you need to take some time off and discuss treatment options with your doctor. Nothing is worth risking your health.

Original poster
ProbAmU · 27/06/2022 15:21

Thank you, I'm actually in tears reading the replies, part of me still feels I should just pull myself together

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 27/06/2022 15:33

They're not mutually exclusive. It's not 'Pull yourself together' or 'take time off'.

It's 'Pull yourself together by taking time off.'

You are your own responsibility. Caring for you is your primary job in life (and for your kids) Going to work is secondary. Take the time off to deal with your primary job, then look at your employment after that. Would you advise a friend to pull themselves together, if they felt like you do?

10HailMarys · 27/06/2022 16:05

You do need to see a doctor, love. I suspect they will certainly agree to sign you off, although it will be up to them to decide for how long and with what reason, of course.

I think it will take more than just that to address your mental health difficulties, though. You need some proper help, whether that's medication or therapy or CBT or anything else. You're trying to manage all these issues alone - no wonder you're struggling. I think anyone would be. None of us have an infinite reserve of mental energy/strength to deal with all this without help, even if work is taken out of the equation. In the short term, you're suffering from burn-out, but the long-term issues also need addressing properly and you can't do that alone while you're so exhausted.

All my best wishes to you and I hope you can get some help and are starting to feel better soon.

TokyoSushi · 27/06/2022 16:09

Very kindly it seems like your colleagues might know that you need to go off for a little while and it won't come as a huge surprise to them. It sounds like you need some time out to get yourself into a better place.

Do you have a plan of what you might do to improve the situation whilst you're off? Hope you're feeling much better very soon.

LucyLoopyLu · 27/06/2022 16:22

I think you're completely justified to take some time to rest and get better. Go and see your GP for sure and explain everything to them. See what support they can offer as there may be more they can do than just a sick note.

Your work will just have to understand. You have to put yourself first. I've learned the hard way that you will always be replaceable to your employer. You are not replaceable to your family and friends.

BlossomWood · 27/06/2022 16:29

It's time for you to take a break. Well done for recognising your need to. A GP once told me that a sick note does not mean you need time off to be sick, it means you need time off to get better, so if that means a night at the theatre or joining a gym then do it what you need to get well. Don't hide away behind closed doors. Be gentle with yourself 💐

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