To be thankful I dont have a teenager (olly stephens)

[dottypotter]

metro.co.uk/2022/06/21/olly-stephens-girl-who-lured-teen-to-death-said-im-so-excited-16865296/

This is scary, do those of you with teenagers worry about social media? Glad I dont have to worry. Despicable that the social media companies arent doing more to protect people? Parents are also paying for phones and have no idea whats going on?

How do you deal with all this? Do you think the age should also be raised to use it?

All 3 of the murderers should be named imo.

No, it doesn't worry me. It's in the news because it happens so infrequently. If it wasn't via social media it'd be via school/text/phone etc.

There's not much you can do to protect teenagers tbh.

All the posters claiming this is so rare, well yes an actual execution is rare but use of social media as a vehicle to whip up hatred, bullying and violence is extremely common.

I will bet that most parents don’t have a clue about the the extent of what their teenagers are doing online, not because they don’t care or are stupid but because it is very difficult to track.

You can’t just ban kids from using apps or sites, they will find a way around it and driving it underground heightens the risk.

There are online watchdogs who keep up with trends and who can be terrifically helpful for advice.

But until SM giants step up it won’t get any better. Why would it?

As above
It’s incredibly sad and I feel so much for his family.
However I have brought up three teenagers all using social media, and all had their privacy respected on their phones from around 15/16. They’ve all been fine.
It is a tragic incident, and a rare one.

Was agreeing with Hallyup

The problem with banning social media, is that it’s the main way teens are in touch. If all their friends are on Snapchat, then they’ll be left out if they don’t have it. Just like as an adult, I’d rather not have WhatsApp, but if I want to be involved in some family group chats, I have to have it. Banning them from the main way their friends communicate isn’t likely to seem reasonable to a teen, so they’ll probably find the easiest way to get around the ban.

I this is why I hope, and ultimately believe, that there will be a big culture change in the way that people manage their children's online use. Like the smoking in the car analogy above, I think we will look back horrified that we allowed our children unfettered access to social media and the internet.

I completely agree that it is a parent's business to fully understand every app their child uses, and to have rules in place against phones in bedrooms, especially overnight. We need to fully understand VPNs and other ways that kids can bypass pitiful parental controls.

This is terrifying. My son is in Year 5 and so many of his friends have phones (He doesn't). Almost weekly there are parents on the school chat complaining about their child being bullied in various whatsapp groups the children have set up.

OP are you ignoring my point about violence and its root causes? Violence has always been an issue - not just through social media. How do we address the violence?

Agree with PP re phones in rooms at night- mine have always charged them downstairs overnight. DS1 is almost 18 and can police himself.

The internet is just a tool, and social media a part of that. People have been doing horrible things to each other since the beginning of time.

However, it does highlight one of the more general issues that social media is designed to be addictive, and maybe one of the side effects of that is that virtual 'mob culture' in these situations could be a catalyst.

Yes they should be named. They deserve to be and their parents.

Perhaps there parents should be made to answer some questions too.

Some people have too much freedom. The parents are paying for their kids to bully people lovely not.

Why don't they be nice to each other. Life's easier when your nice.

Why don't they be nice to each other. Life's easier when your nice

That is a massive anthropological and sociological question. It's not as fucking easy as that! I can't deal with such a stupidly simplistic argument. I'm out

It's definitely as easy as that. Choose Kindness.

Being their way hasn't done them any favours .Didn't get them anyway.

Agree. The world has changed so very quickly that we haven’t had a chance to play catch up. Unless you have teens you don’t know how impossible it is to monitor everything. I am so glad my dcs’ younger lives were a tiny bit before the big watershed of sm awfulness. And now they’re grown up. But even for them, there was online bullying happening all over the place. Mine were of the age where we could monitor to some extent. It is a terrible wild west on sm and you cannot just point the finger at parents. It is not so cut and dried.

Yes to sm being cynically designed to be addictive to that age group who are not developed emotionally enough to cope with it. It’s the emotional equivalent of the big gambling sites giving kids a free credit card to suck them in.

Facebook/Meta own Instagram which under 40s do use.
I think words like "killing" aren't automatically flagged because SM companies can't be arsed checking millions of posts like,
"Oh god I'm so tired my job is killing me"
"Looking forward to killing zombies tonight in [insert video game name]"

I still spot check my 15yr olds phone. He's not allowed Snapchat full stop. He's also a police cadet and fairly street smart which helps. He knows who to avoid.
Nevertheless he's out with mates on an inset today and I'm still worried.

Olly's death was an extreme outcome, but children and teens are manipulated and groomed online every day.

Olly's parents have been so brave talking about him and sharing their story to prevent this happening to any other family. Denying access to phones isn't the answer - children are asked to research topics online and many schools now even expect secondary age children to bring their own phones or tablets into class as learning devices.

We all have the responsibility though to work with our children to agree on fair and safe usage. To check our Children's phones regularly and to limit which apps they can use.

A simple rule is to always download and use an app yourself before letting your child have it so that you understand how it works.

And I don't agree with naming the perpetrators. Olly deserves to be remembered. Our teens deserve to be safe and deserve parents who support them to explore the online world. Talking about the perpetrators and their families detracts from remembering Olly.

Great. Please then, as someone who is asking for a lead on this - how do you check Snapchat?