Please tell me if IBU! (pregnancy chat related)

[bikinibottom24]

I recently had to have a hysterectomy, well around two months ago. I am early 30's. This was due to blocked tubes, swelling of both ovaries and a likely hood I'd develop cancer due to the BRCA gene. I was, and am still sad. I am open to the idea of adopting and I've frozen my eggs, so I know I have options.

Today I returned to work. I work in a mostly team of women of varying ages between 25-60. All lovely women, and team is very friendly. We had a morning meeting and it was sort a dedicated time to welcome me back and just have a general coffee and a chat.

I was asked a lot of questions about my operation, my plans, how I'm feeling and how I feel on my return- all open questions I was happy to answer. We got on the subject of egg freezing, and I said oh yes, I had it done but i'm optimistic for the future etc.

Then, a colleague who is around my age turned and said ''Oh, I think this is a good time to tell you all that I'm actually pregnant and due in January, I was going to wait until later but why we are on the topic''

Now, I'm not funny about other people having babies. My SIL is pregnant, as is my best friend and I am so excited and delighted for them. I accept my route will be a bit different now. All ok.

However, I do feel a little upset that my colleague decided to announce hers right in the middle of a chat about my hysterectomy (that I didn't want). I don't know, it's bothered me all morning and I'm not sure if i'm being melodramtic.

I was in shock reading this thinking how on earth could someone be so insensitive and read the room so badly.

And then even more shocked to see someone on here could actually read this thread and then feel the need to tell OP she was just being overly sensitive. How horrendously cold of you.

@babyjellyfish And I think that people suffering from fecundity, fertility and pregnancy narcissism need to accept that there will be sad, miscarrying, infertile, childless or childfree pregnant women around, and refrain from talking nauseously ad infinitum about their babies and their pregnancies and their kids. At work inparticular. You can't expect the world to want to hear all about it and make you the centre of attention like no-one has ever had a baby before. It’s tedious and self-absorbed and in this case incredibly incentive and tone deaf.

And no, Amber, I don’t give a toss about your new bundle of joy and, Laura, I will
not be signing the card or contributing to the gift basket of someone I barely know. Get me a ‘Happy 10th miscarriage’ card and then we’ll talk.

*insensitive

@HappyCup
How on earth do you know they ran out of questions? Because per the OP they stopped and the conversation moved away from the hysterectomy and on to egg freezing. Questions tend to not stop until they’ve run out.

Again, another assumption.. I used the word “presumed” and a presumption is not an assumption. Perhaps a quick look at a dictionary will let you know the difference.

I agree that it could have been taken as a ‘news sharing’ event. But given that the news was a pregnancy announcement, then piggy backing off of someone talking about how they basically now have very limited options for having children is absolutely insensitive. Can you seriously not see that?

Agree it was a bit thoughtless, but not to the extent that the colleague is a crass, thick idiot and twat and the Op should complain to the manager about her.

Agree it was a bit thoughtless, but not to the extent that the colleague is a crass, thick idiot and twat and the Op should complain to the manager about her.
’Thoughtless’ is exactly what I think the colleague was being too. For what reason she was thoughtless (to purposefully cause hurt or because she’s a bit of an idiot or self centred) we’ll never know.

Honestly, you’re being ‘a bit thoughtless’ too. You’re coming across like you really haven’t grasped the situation. Have some empathy.

I suffered from recurrent pregnancy loss before having my son so I am all too aware of this. But you do also to a certain extent need to develop a thicker skin about it since other people's lives do go on and will include pregnancy and babies.

Having been there myself, I'm always sensitive to how my own pregnancy and baby stuff might be difficult for other people to see and so I try not to rub it in people's faces. But people who haven't experienced those problems themselves often just don't get it.

That said, you really do have to be a special kind of idiot to think that a conversation with work colleagues involving someone who has just had an unwanted hysterectomy in their early 30s and will never be pregnant is a good time to announce your own pregnancy.

She surely knows how to steal the thunder (although I know it wasn't the thunder, you were back from sick leave and wishing you all the best). My cousin is like that. Her sister (unmarried, childless and very upset about this fact, because she wanted to have family) threw housewarming party as she bought her first property. On this evening my cousin decided to tell everyone she's pregnant with her 2nd. How charming.

"While we're talking about your infertility, it seems like the perfect time to tell you I'm pregnant!"
YANBU it was not a good time.

It was definitely an unsuitable moment for her to announce her pregnancy! Giving her the benefit of the doubt though perhaps it was crossed wires with the conversation and where you said you told your colleagues that you had frozen eggs and were optimistic about future babies she may have taken that ar face value?
insensitive and thoughtless but hopefully not malicious in any way!!

The manager could reasonably point out that the weekly team meeting wasn’t the time or place to have a general discussion about hysterectomies and infertility as well as pregnancy announcements

Perhaps she panicked and blurted it out because she'd been worrying how to let you know.

to answer a few questions….

Our morning meetings are spent usually the first ten minutes discussing plans for the week and the rest is casual chat tbh. It’s the way it’s always been. We normally talk about our weekends or if it’s someone’s birthday we do cake, it’s just causal.

I wasn’t expecting it to be all about me of course. But I’d been off work for eight weeks, a lot of our older ladies at work are quite kind and mothering and they wanted to chat about it. I’m not gonna sit and say “oh don’t ask me that”. It’s not taboo and I’m fine talking about it.

I also of course don’t mind someone sharing lovely news. Happy news. And I’m fine with anyone being pregnant, I just thought the timing was off.

I am flabbergasted these women thought it was appropriate to chat with you about this in an open forum, in a meeting no less, the morning that you return to work after 2 months

I think pretty much any other way would have been better!

a lot of our older ladies at work are quite kind and mothering and they wanted to chat about it.

they “wanted to talk about it”?

i find this as inappropriate than someone making a pregnancy announcement

I get the open nature of the chat. I’m an open book and would have probably had a similar chat. Especially if I’d developed relationships with my colleagues.

I’m absolutely gobsmacked that the stupid pregnant one thought that you talking about your unwanted hysterectomy while in your early 30s was the perfect time to announce her pregnancy! What a fucking moron.

I'm shocked also that someone thinks that discussing egg freezing is a different conversation to the hysterectomy. As in we ran out of questions so we started an entirely new topic unrelated to hysterectomy.... egg freezing.